Once More With Geekery

The Walking Dead - The Day After

2012-02-27T14:15:00.002-08:00

"18 Miles Out"

We get our previouslies and see that pretty much everything was sucky last week and Lori, as my two English professor friends pointed out, turned into Lady MacBeth for a few minutes at the end.

We're at a school and Rick, Shane and a bound Randall are trying to get away from a herd of walkers. We then cut to Shane and Rick in a car and on a quiet road. They stop and Rick wants to talk. He does get Shane to admit that he sacrificed Otis to save Carl. Of course Shane still thinks it was a decision Rick couldn't have made. Around the back of the car and we see that they have Randall bound and blindfolded in the trunk. Ok, so he's all fixed up and being taken away from the farm. Now I'm caught up.

At Hershel's farm, Lori and Maggie are talking in the kitchen. They seem to get along pretty well and that's nice. Lori offers to take a tray of food to a less catatonic Beth who inquires as to how Lori could get pregnant. Is she asking because she doesn't know how that works or why Lori would let it happen? I'm guessing it's the latter. Lori talks to her about how difficult it is to lose parents but Beth isn't hearing it. When Lori takes her tray away she notices that the knife is missing so she goes back to Beth's room and gets it from her.

Rick goes further than the 18 miles and winds up at a gated school. He and Shane take a look around and decide to hone their knife skills on walkers they attract with their blood. Rick seems to enjoy plunging his knife into their skulls which is effective and tends not to draw attention like gunshots do. They take Randall out of the trunk and set him up to be left behind at this place. As Rick and Shane are walking away Randall is giving it his best shot and shouting reasons why they shouldn't ditch him. The one that gets their attention is that he remembers Maggie from school. She wouldn't know him but he remembers her. This upsets Rick and Shane because Randall must know where Maggie lives. Uh, I went to a very small high school and have/had no idea where most of my schoolmates lived but whatever. This of course prompts Shane and Rick to quarrel over what to do with Randall. They brawl a bit and Shane even throws an effing wrench at Rick. Their ruckus gets the attention of the walkers inside the building. That's just great.

Maggie tries to talk some sense into Beth about not giving up, etc. Meanwhile Andrea criticizes Lori for taking away the knife. She goes on about if she wants to die she'll find a way, etc. While I agree with her I don't think that equates to them handing over all their possible instruments of death. They get in each other's faces and while I see both sides to the argument I think Andrea is being a pain in the arse about it. I could go on and on about this but I will spare you guys. Andrea offers to sit with Beth to allow Maggie to get some rest. Andrea's idea of helping is to open the door to the bathroom and leave Beth alone. Before she leaves she says, "The pain doesn't go away. You just make room for it." True but not really helpful.

Poor Rick ends up under a walker pileup and has to shoot through a twice-dead walker to get to the once dead walker on top trying to bite his hands. He gets free and finds Randall who has broken loose of his restraints and shot (multiple times) a lady-walker who could have been trouble. Shane has managed to get himself stuck on a bus with a hoard of walkers at the front doors. He can't lock the door in place and make it to the back in time so his only option is to open the doors slightly, rub some blood from a self-inflicted wound on his hand (from a knife he just used on a walker) onto the bus, and as they try to lick the blood, use the opportunity to work on his knife-to-skull skills. Rick and Randall get a look at Shane's situation AND. TOTALLY. LEAVE. Wow.

Maggie checks on Beth who breaks the mirror and is assumed to be using the broken glass to cut herself. Lori helps her break into the bathroom and they get to Beth in time. It's noticed that Beth's cut didn't go too deep so she must have made the decision that she wanted to live. Andrea takes this opportunity to be smug but Maggie's not having it and banishes her from the house. In a slightly surprising turn, Lori agrees with Andrea about Beth choosing life but Andrea didn't hear that. I'm guessing there will still be tons of animosity.

Back at the school Rick and Randall have happened back upon the two dead cops they noticed earlier (I think I forgot to mention these two). Something flickers in Rick (perhaps memories of when he and Shane were cop buddies?) and he grabs their guns and ammo and goes back to get Shane. They're successful but poor Randall ends up blindfolded and back in the trunk again. Heh. Shane and Rick have one last conversation where Rick urges Shane to drop the crazy, follow Rick's lead and trust him again. I very much doubt Shane will be towing that line.

Interestingly we focused on very small groups tonight. We kind of heard Hershel but didn't see him. We had no Dale, Glenn, Darryl, Carl or Carol at all. It was different but cool. BTW, the actor who plays Hershel was on Talking Dead and shared that prior to getting the job on the show he and his 97 year old mother were big fans. I LOVE THAT! I hope I'm still watching zombie stuff when I'm old. Of course that all depends on the zombie apocalypse not actually happening before then.

The Morning After Alt-Oscars

2012-02-27T10:17:00.000-08:00

So as we emerge from a blurry champagne-drenched night, we all doubtlessly have our opinions well-formed about The Artist and The Meryl and The Bridesmaids. But now it's time to hand out e-Oscars to those who particularly distinguished themselves, for good or ill, at the ceremony itself. It's a Meta-tastic Alt-Oscar Monday!

Best Abstract Emotional State: Nostalgia. A plurality of Best Pic nominees (including Le Winner) were consumed with the past, and the ceremony was no exception. Billy Crystal, who hasn't hosted since Million Dollar Baby won in 2004, was back, and wearing his best Billy Crystal mask and hairpiece.

NOT the Best Achievement in Make-up.

Best Accent: Christian Bale.

And that's how you do a black-on-black tux, Jonah.

Thought I was going to go French, didn't you? Perhaps Best Actor winner Jean Desjardin's "Dooglas Fairbonks"? Too easy. Plus, the Welshman was rightly dubbed by Best Supporting Actress Winner Octavia Spencer as "the hottest guy in the room." Clooney got docked for showing up with a human Oscarette.

Ugh.

Best Achievement in Facial Hair that Makes You Look Like You Must Stay 100 Yards Away From School Playgrounds: Bradley Cooper.

Behold: The Pedo-Stache

Cooper, even my memories of your French fluency can't overcome that look.

Best Presenter: Mr. Robert Downey, Jr.

Love this man.

His pseudo-micro-doc gag was Tony Starkian in its "can't resist him" arrogance. But what gave him the edge over Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis's white tuxedos and cymbals?

Which was by all accounts quite rad.

Two words:

He Tebowed.

Best Achievement in Racism: Billy Crystal, thrice. He made two race jokes and performed a skit in in blackface.

I get that he's done the Sammy Davis thing for eons, but still.

If you ain't Gervais, you ain't pulling off edgy at an awards show.

Best Drinking Game Participants: Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy, who chugged from Vodka mini-bottles at the word "Scorsese."

Tell me you don't want to party with these chicks.

Best Achievement in Preaching to the Choir: The multiple talking-head montages that extolled, um, movies. Though I appreciate seeing artfully shot sepia footage of Werner Herzog, Edward Norton, and an un-Dictatored Sacha Baron Cohen doing just about anything, if you've got an audience that has entered hour two of a broadcast celebrating films, most of which have yet to go into wide release, we're probably already on board, re: movies are good to watch.

Best Accessory: Though Clooney made it a tight race, the clear winner is Uggie the Dog.

Bow-tie. Bone. Win.

Check out Alisa's liveblog of the red carpet for more snarky goodness!

Happy Oscar Day! - The Live Blog

2012-02-26T14:44:00.001-08:00

This is one of my favorite nights of the year. It's all meaningless and full of self-congratulatory wealthy people but I still love it.

6:00pm - Well hello, E! Doing filler polls already, are we?

6:02 and Giuliana's dress is interesting. It's kind of an old 20s Hollywood glamour kind of dress.

6:06 and Wolfgang Puck is showing Ryan the "grazing menu" for the night. Yum.

6:09 and what the heck is up with Kelly Osbourne's hair? I don't like her dress either.

6:10 and Ryan's talking to Rose Byrne. I'm still disappointed that Bridesmaids didn't get more nominations. The camera cuts to Melissa McCarthy who is wearing a lovely rose colored dress. Then Wendy McClendwhatever joins Ryan and Rose and she looks nice but in nude-ish color dress. I'm tired of non-colors.

6:12 and Ellie Kemper's dress matches her hair. It's kinda cool. I love her dress. She's adorable.

6:14 and Ryan's talking to Berenice Bejo. I'm not thrilled with her hair style or the dress. I like the mint color but not really the style.

6:20ish (I had to pause the telecast to step away) and George Clooney g/f looks like an Oscar statuette.

6:22ish and Ryan's talking to Melissa McCarthy. Apparently Brian Atwood wrote a special message to her on the shoes he made for her. I AM JEALOUS!!!

6:22ish, still and the camera cuts to Jessica Chastain in a very cool gold and black dress. She looks great!

6:23ish and Ryan is talking to an incredibly covered up Shailene Woodley. Her dress is white and different but still kind of cool. It's Valentine couture and she loves it.

6:25 and Giuliana and Kelly are talking about Chastain's dress. They agree with me. So there.

6:26ish and Jessica Chastain adorably introduced herself to Ryan because they've never met. I love that she shook his hand and introduced herself. Then she introduces her adorable grandma who is wearing the coolest geode necklace. Her dress is great but looks like it's poking her a lot.

6:29ish and Michelle Williams brought Busy Phillips. I LOVE THAT THEY'RE BESTIES AND GO EVERYWHERE TOGETHER.

6:33ish and Ryan and George are kinda funny together. George doesn't like the question, "Who are you wearing?" because it's more like "Who are you carrying on your back?" Heh. I'm so very tired of the side hairstyle.

6:37 and Jonah Hill has arrived. He's in an all black tux. I'm not a fan. Of the tux. I think he's great.

6:40ish and Ryan's talking to viola Davis in a lovely green dress with lovely green earrings. It's Vera Wang is it's cool looking. I like the reddish hair with the green.

6:44ish and a still severe looking Rooney Mara has arrived. The camera is on Glenn Close in an odd green suit-looking outfit and behind her is some chick in a blue w/ black lace skintight jump suit. Weird.

6:46ish and the camera cuts to Octavia Spencer who is there with the director of The Help. I love her dates to these things.

6:47ish and while Ryan talks to the Apatow's the camera cuts to P. Diddy and his assistant who is busy using one of those lint picker upper things on his suit.

6:53 and Ryan's talking to Michelle Williams who is wearing a red (coral?) Louis Vuitton dress which is nice but the pink bag needs to go away. Rooney Mara is waiting in the wings to talk to Ryan and also back there is Kate Mara, Rooney's sister who is talking to Busy. Nice.

6:55 and Rooney joins Ryan. She's in a white Givenchy that she picked out this morning. It's intricate but meh.

6:58 and we finally get to see Octavia Spencer's dress. I like it a lot. It's kind of nude with tons of silver beading and is incredibly flattering. It's Tadashi Shoji and I really, really like it. Giuliana and Kelly agree with me about Octavia but not about Rooney.

7:02 and Jonah is talking to Ryan. I like his mom's jewelry. The camera cuts to Jean Dujardin.

7:05 and my TV flipped over to ABC's red carpet. They're talking to Octavia and I really love that dress. Have I mentioned that? I like her earrings too.

7:06 and Ryan's talking to Jean Dujardin who says "Yes. John from the garden." HE'S ADORABLE!!!

7:11 and The Dictator has arrived. Now Ryan is talking to Bridesmaids scribes and stars Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo. Kristen is wearing a nude dress. Boring.

7:47 and apparently I'm not meant for live blogging. I've stepped away for quite a while now to make my spinach and cheese Moneyballs and my War Hors d'oeuvres. While I was gone we saw Emma Stone in red, Penelope Cruz looking lovely in lavendar and some other folks I can't remember. Also the spinach cheese Moneyballs burned me.

8:00 and I'm way behind and completely out of order. Tim Gunn is talking to Cameron Diaz. She looks nice. I'm still not used to this hair length though. Some Brit on ABC is talking to Gwynneth in white. Her dress, Tom Ford, has a removable coat. Clever. I still don't like her. I also don't believe that she and Cameron are friends. I can't picture it. Also Jennifer Lopez's dress is the same idea as Octavia's but kinda trashy. Sandra Bullock's dress is interesting. Angelina is in a veeeerrrrry dramatic black (no surprise there) dress.

8:22ish and Robin is inside talking to Natalie Portman. She looks very classy. I think those are polka dots so I immediately love it.

8:24ish and ABC's random Brit is talking to Brian Grazer. His hair will always look like that.

If you like red carpet photos, IMDB already has them posted.

8:26 and Robin is talking to Chris Rock who looks younger than ever. He's shorter than I thought or Robin is wearing big heels.

Ok, I'm done for the night. If I live blog the show I'll miss stuff.

"Eternity" (Angel 1.17): The one before Faith shows up

2012-02-26T07:48:00.001-08:00

Spoiler alert. As far as I'm concerned, these episodes are just biding time until Faith arrives for some tough love from a vamp who's been there before. And by "there," I mean "a killer of the innocent." But I suppose we need to earn our way to "Five by Five," so here's the Angel guide to dealing with actresses.

DO realize they're all vain and ambitious. If I were feeling more engaged, my feminista hackles might rise a little at the portrayals of both Cordy and Rebecca, the actress whose life he saves at the beginning of the episode. But since I'm not, and since Cordelia's performance in A Doll's House was so hilariously bad, and since the show was savvy enough to quote a scene from A Doll's House without then congratulating themselves on the reference, and since Cordelia redeems herself later, I'm going to let it go.

The performance is precisely as bad as this still might suggest.

Anyway, while Angel and Wesley are trying to figure out how to simultaneously a) tell Cordelia the truth and b) not tell Cordelia how wretched she was in the play, Angel saves Rebecca (because that's what he does), and once she finds out he's immortal, she wants a little of that for her rapidly aging face and body.

Would she have only "acted" like a person who could get out of the way of a car, speeding towards her, from a block away, all this could have been avoided.

DO be prepared for the public life. I'm mainly just including this point for an excuse to feature Angel's premiere hair.

It's unfortunate.

DON'T leave your drink unattended around Hollywood types. Which doubles with the maxim "DON'T ever slip a vamp a mickey." After clumsily getting Angel to drink a drugged flute of champagne, (which, as my intrepid co-watcher Jenn points out is both ridiculous and unnecessary),

This isn't a thing.

Angelus wakes up, and so does the episode. Whereas I would have gone with a roofie, Rebecca apparently went with X or the like, leaving Angel so relaxed, and so close to "true happiness," that Angelus comes out to play.

Mess with Angelus? That's one blood bag in the face . . .

and one champagne-flute shard to the throat.

DON'T underestimate the talent. Though Rebecca is instantly and lethally out of her league, Cordy shows her Sunnydale cred and takes Angelus out with an assist from Wes.

The face of a girl who knows what's up, re: vamps.

And, as Jenn notes, we all should know have known that Angelus wasn't going to take, as Angel would never find true happiness with a brunette, no matter what she dosed him with. And speaking of brunettes . . .

I do appreciate Angelus's appearance in this episode (and in "The Prodigal"), if for no other reason than his blood-soaked past will be precisely what best qualifies him to peer-mentor our favorite Slayer to be Named Later. See you next week!

"Superstar" (Buffy 4.17): Hits me where I live

2012-02-25T14:35:00.000-08:00

So, as a former (totally former) writer of fan fiction, I really appreciate the genius of this episode. It's got some razor-sharp writing, a delightful performance by Danny Strong's Jonathan, and I think some true insight into intertextuality. But before the boring litcrit stuff, on to the Buffy guide to writing really satisfying fanfic.

DO be a completist. No detail is left unnoticed by Jonathan's spell, which alters the Sunnydale 'verse to make him, well, a superstar.

Including the friggin' credits.

There are posters bearing Jonathan's face everywhere, including one on the back of Riley's dorm room door, replacing the baffling "Balls" wall art that usually resides there.

Which begs a few questions I've been pondering all season. Why does Riley have a poster in his dorm of various balls? Why am I not emotionally mature enough to refrain from snickering every time I see it? And what's the deal with that lighting sconce? Oh, and sorry about the shirtless Riley shot.

This should take the edge off.

DO know your characters, and be better than all of them. Jonathan's spell is a literalization of Mary Sue fanfic in particular, where an avatar for the author interacts with the fictional world, and owns it as an utter rock star. In Jonathan's case, literally. He's also a best-selling author, famous athlete, movie idol, special ops consultant and swimsuit model, who's shacking up with blonde twins. But what makes the script particularly relevant to Mary Sue fanfic is that he outclasses all the Scoobies. He:

out-punches (and out-puns) Buffy,

out-hacks Willow,

out-chesses Giles,

and out-badasses Spike.

Though he still can't quite out-tall Riley.

Which brings me to . . .

DO keep your storyline as seamless as possible. Even in Jonathan's version of Sunnydale, Buffy and Riley are having problems related to the Faith sex from last week (that he solves), and Adam is still the Big Bad. He even posits a fan theory for how Adam is powered! Crucially, though, Adam isn't snookered by the spell. Watching Jonathan's exploits on surveillance monitors,

Kind of like we are.

he recognizes, and denigrates, televised fiction. I think this is more than just a throwaway moment. Adam is anti-TV texts, and therefore, at his mechanized core, anti-Buffy.

DON'T forget that whenever you write, you create a monster. In Jonathan's case, a literal one that attacks Tara.

Not cool.

But I think this works metaphorically as well. Intertextuality, when done right and read carefully, always alters the source text by default. After reading "The Company of Wolves," you'll never think about "Little Red Riding Hood" the same way again. Retellings cut a swath through foundational texts much like Jonathan's monster.

Though I prefer to imagine the embodiment of fanfic being a little bit less disgusting.

As my intrepid co-watcher Jenn points out, Jonathan's decision to "sacrifice his coolness" for the greater good is very much in keeping with the kid we got to know in seasons 2 & 3, and veritably unrecognizable from the Nerd of Doom we will meet in season 6. Not looking forward to it. Know what else neither of us is looking forward to? The Riley and Buffy bang-fest in "Where the Wild Things Are." Just the thought of it makes me bequeased.

A harbinger of horrible, horrible things to come.

Adaptation Angst: The Fault in Our Stars

2012-02-23T14:28:00.001-08:00

I'd been hearing a lot of good buzz about the YA novel The Fault in Our Stars even before it got optioned this month, so I decided to pick it up last night. When I put it down, finished, early this morning, I was terrified.

The novel, though sharing key plot points with not a few Lifetime movies and at least one Cameron Diaz flick, does not surrender to the easy cliches of a "kids with cancer" love story. Though you might see the resolution coming from about halfway through, the book's strengths (and they are formidable) come from the way it gets there.

The book's star-crossed lovers, teenagers Hazel and Augustus, are stricken with thyroid cancer and osteosarcoma, respectively. The two engaging and fully realized characters are simultaneously constantly consumed with, and utterly disinterested in, their diseases. You will like them before you pity them, which all sounds well and good for a movie adaptation. Except . . .

The ravages of illness on both of their bodies are veritable plot points in and of themselves. Hazel has a steroid-swollen face, hair still growing in from chemo, and an ever-present oxygen tank. Augustus lost a leg to his bone cancer prior to the action of the novel. The film will have to cast, especially in Hazel's case, an actor who is not conventionally healthy-looking, let alone beautiful.

Also, the two speak in the sort of hyper-educated and quirky patois that reads like a dream but can turn precious and cloying in film (see the dialogue of the eponymous heroine of Juno, which I quite liked but others felt was too contrived). However, dialing down the idiosyncratic smarts of either character means losing a crucial part of their backstory. Hazel and Augustus have both spent a lot of time out of school, reading in bed. Pretending that didn't affect what they know and how they speak would be a betrayal not only of the source material but also the integrity of the characters.

I would love to see this film done right, but I have nightmares of Dakota Fanning and Peeta/Gayle dancing through my head.

Adaptation Angst: 9.5

Suburgatory, Modern Family and Happy Endings - Didja watch?

2012-02-23T10:55:00.000-08:00

Didja watch Suburgatory "Fire with Fire?"

-Apparently Chatswain is the silly trend capital of the world. They had the male nanny trend, the spottedowl trend (which translated to people walking around with owls on their shoulders),and the British Royal Hat trend (I fell prey to this one). Thanks to Dallas’s divorce from Jay Mohr, the‘leaving your husband and getting plastic surgery’ trend is the next one tospread.

-Noah hasn’t fixed the shower head as he was asked, so itfalls and hits his wife on the head. Shebleeds and everything! The next showershe falls and breaks her nose. When sheruns into Dallas (who has just had a list of elective procedures) at thehospital, Noah’s wife elects to have everything she had. Then she leaves Noah.

-Dalia uses Lisa to get back at Tessa for “stealing Scott.” Lisa doesn’t mind it one bit and even gets aDalia make-over (straightened hair and too much eyeliner).

-Dallas has a new lover and GAH! It’s Fez!

-There’s a hilarious but bossy kid (AJ) at the country club who tries togive Noah advice on dealing with the ladies. I really hope he's on the show more often.

-There’s a school dance and the Situation is the DJ. Ew.He does get them all to fist-pump.

-Noah wins back his wife by a) riding up on a white horse and b) fixing the shower head. Really all he needed to do was fix the shower head.

Didja watch Modern Family “Virgin Territory”

-Cam is convinced that Claire never returned a Tupperwarecontainer she borrowed.

-Luke and Manny are pissed that Lily is the cute one andgets all the laughs now and are going to put a stop to it. They set up a Rube Goldberg trap and insteadCam ends up slipping in spilled milk (which would have been blamed on Lily) andhurting his back.

-Lily’s doll gets hurt in the kitchen incident so Cam andMitchell suggest the doll get taken to the doll hospital at the mall wherethere’s an on-call doctor. Yep.

-On the way to the hospital, Phil says “Haley’s aversion”but Alex heard “Haley’s a virgin” and laughs heartily at the notion. Poor Phil spends the rest of the episode dealingwith his daughter being, uh, less innocent than before.

- Turns out Cam is faking his back injury and sends everyoneaway so he can search Claire’s kitchen for his missing container. Luke and Manny return home so he sends themout, with his car keys, to wash his car. They clean it but then also decide to do the slowest joy ride known toman just to get a girl’s attention. It’spretty cute.

-Oh and Cam finds the container but falls and hurts his backagain in the process.

Didja watch Happy Endings “The Butterfly Effect Effect”

-It’s time for Brad and Other Blonde’s annual springfight. When they have this fight theguys have a douche week which gets Max out of his bear hibernation. Other Blonde goes to Penny for guy advicewhich is the only time of the year Penny is better off than Other Blonde. Brad and OB don’t fight as expected sowhatever will they do? David and Pennydecide they need to urge the fight which will ensure douche week, Max out ofhibernation and Penny’s one week to feel good about herself.

-One thing that really cracked me up was Blonde’s ReneeZellweger impression, which is just a variation of her drunk chipmunkimpression. Heh.

-Also funny was Max in hibernation mode. He even ended up looking JUST LIKE Winnie thePooh, right down to the hand in the honey jar.

-Brad and OB fake a fight which doesn’t do the trick untilthey get into a real fight. All thethings fall into place and they get Max out of hibernation mode. Too bad. I liked Max the Bear.

Survivor: One World "Total Dysfunction"

2012-02-23T10:07:00.001-08:00

Seriously, that's the episode's title. We catch up with the girls who are rehashing the events of tribal council. We spend lots of time with Camp Estrogen and a lot less time with Camp Testosterone. That's never a good sign. So what do the men do this episode? Well they win both the reward and immunity challenges. Let's see how our 'survivors' are progressing, shall we?

Salani:
Alicia - still a beeyotch; won't accept Christina's attempt at mending fences though...
Christina - didn't actually apologize but rather said she wanted to explain her side of it
Sabrina - continues to be my hope for the future of the women's camp; other women recognize her leadership skills and ask her to be their leader or "airhead manager" as she puts it. Poor thing. This will go terribly wrong and it won't be at all her fault but they'll make her suffer.
Monica - still under the radar but getting a bit more attention
Nina - was under the radar until she spoke up about...
Kat- she TOTALLY screwed up the immunity challenge*
Chelsea and Kim - they reluctantly agree with Nina that Kat is a waste of space on the show (my words, not theirs), which goes against the alliance set with Alicia, Sabrina and Kat.

Manono:
Tarzan - in a speedo (ick) for most of the episode. He even does a dance around the campfire while the guys chant. It's a very geriatric Lord of the Flies moment.
Jay - still has an an annoying voice.
Colton - mainly the only guy they focus on this episode; kinda useless at his camp; still wants to hang around with the girls but they don't really want him. He tells a few of the guys that he has the immunity idol so that actually puts him in a power role.

*Immunity challenge:

A balance challenge should have been theirs to lose. Traditionally women are much better at balancing and puzzles. The producers are trying to keep things even-ish but it won't work if the girls continue to be dumb about it. The deal was they had to, one at a time, walk around each person but could only touch that person. You couldn't touch a second person or you'd have to jump in the water and start over again. Kat went first and took FOREVER (apparently boobs were getting in her way, which is why above she's going behind people). Plus she jumped in the water twice when she didn't need to. It was frustrating to watch.

Tribal council:
less bickery than last time and Jeff gets on them to get their sh!t together.

"Nina, the tribe has spoken." BYE!

Yep. That's pretty accurate.

Trailer Park!

2012-02-23T05:00:00.002-08:00

The trailer park is being moved to Thursdays. Now maybe I can actually post one every week.

We've got a lot this week so buckle up!

A trailer close to my geeky heart!

A clip from Pixar's Brave. To say I'm excited about this movie would be an understatement.

There is something pretentiously wonderful about a Whit Stillman film.

This one looks sweet. Plus...NERDY EWAN MCGREGOR!

This has been making the rounds but looks terribly fun so I thought I'd include it.

What would you do with your last three weeks on earth? Road trip with Keira Knightley?

Hmmm...this reminds me of another movie but I can't think of what it is...

Dirrrrty!

I saw this before Safe House. I wasn't sure at first but Renner is so great. It's got potential.

Glee and Cougar Town - Didja watch?

2012-02-22T07:15:00.001-08:00

Didja watch Glee "On My Way?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Glee’s tryin’ to kill people, y’all! Don’t read this if you haven’t seen the showand plan to.

*** SPOILERS AHEAD. SERIOUSLY. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED***

- Icky Sebastian is back and threatens Rachel with a naked,obviously photoshopped picture of Finn, which he will publish on the interwebsif Rachel chooses to perform at Regionals. There’s lots of talk in the music room at McKinley about threats made byother teams, by-laws, etc. Apparentlythe headmaster at Dalton doesn’t care just like he didn’t care when they(temporarily) blinded Blaine. Uh, whathappened to Dalton being a zero-tolerance school?

- Sue is in the family way and shares her news with Quinnwho is shocked and happy for Sue. Noword on who the dad is but I’m guessing they’ll save that for a laterreveal. Quinn takes the opportunity toask Sue to be let back onto the Cheerios.

- Karofsky, who I now officially feel very sorry for, getsouted with an ugly slur on his locker. While Blaine sings “Cough Syrup” (which I download before he’s finished),we see Karofsky struggling. He’s onlineand there’s tons written about him there too. He’s broken and life seems hopeless enough that he sets out his bestsuit and stares up at the rafters. Thankfully it didn’t work and his father found him in time. It still greatly affects the glee kids andmost especially Kurt. He feelsresponsible because he’s ignored Karofsky since his declaration of love andinterest on Valentine’s Day.

- Rachel, realizing life should be cherished, wants to getmarried on Saturday, after they win at Regionals of course. Finn’s all for it.

- Icky Sebastian seems to have had a change of heart too butKurt is wary (for good reason). Karofsky’sdecision had an effect on him too because Icky Sebastian was mean to him. Shocking.

- Schue talks to the kids about all the experiences theyhave ahead of them and gets each one to name something they’re looking forwardto. Brittany’s goes by unintelligibly eventhough I rewound it twice. Somethingabout getting someone off their addiction to ecstasy? Anywhoodle, Schue also shares his suicideattempt story and why he’s so glad he didn’t go through with it.

I'm not a fan of the outfits

- Regionals time and the Warblers are up first with “Stand”and “Glad You Came.” Even though bothsongs are good I download neither (partially for my dislike of IckySebastian). Next up is the GoldenGoblets from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow who sing about 15 seconds of amadrigal. Then it’s the New Directionsturn with a mash-up of “Fly/I Believe I Can Fly,” “What Doesn’t Kill You,” and “Here’sto Us” which Rachel mostly sings to Finn. They get the whole crowd going and win Regionals. Duh.

- Quinn goes to see Sue after the performance and is blessedwith a Cheerios uniform. Sue has reallychilled out. Quinn has a change of heartabout the Rachel/Finn nuptials and tells Rachel she’ll be there on Saturday. Then Sue tells Schue her good news and evenoffers to help them win Nationals. Wow.

- Kurt goes to see Karovsky in the hospital and they have avery nice talk. Kurt even gets Karovskyto envision a happy future and that helps.

- Wedding day and the parents have a plan to stop thewedding, which involves Rachel’s dads kidnapping her and driving her toBroadway. Yeah, that’s a good plan. Quinn is running late but, while driving,texts Rachel that she’ll be there ASAP. Rachel keeps texting her back prompting Quinn to reply and totally notsee the big truck that t-bones her. WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!?

And now for a funny show...

Didja watch Cougar Town "A Mind with a Heart of It's Own?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Bobby's gift to Jules and Grayson of a zipline from her house to his. I think it's a fun idea! Jules does not.

- The wedding plans have begun and silly Grayson thinks what he wants matters. Ha. Men. What Jules wants is for Grayson to go officially ask for her hand in marriage from her father, Chick.

- Jules asks Ellie to be her Maid-of-Honor and of course she says yes. Not long after, Jules is about to break the M-o-H news to Laurie who beats her to the punch by suggesting she have co-Maids-of-Honor, or CoMoHs if you will. Jules, wanting everyone to be happy agrees. Laurie even makes them tee-shirts!

- Grayson and Travis go to visit Chick who decides to have a little fun with Grayson. Chick's favorite horse is sick and he asks Grayson to put her down for him. Chick even hands him a shotgun fully knowing Grayson won't be able to do it. It's funny until Grayson heads back into the barn to prove he's a man capable of putting a horse out of its misery. I'm guessing they stopped him in time. It isn't Glee, y'all. They don't kill people on shows like Cougar Town.

- Also worthy of note: when Ellie and Andy have a fun way of working out the times when she wants to kill him. Instead of actually killing him, they pose in a situation where it looks like she has and take a picture of it. They have a wall full of framed pictures of Ellie killing Andy. So twisted and so dang funny.

(I wasn't able to watch New Girl and Raising Hope last night but may get to it tonight so keep a look out)

Chronicle

2012-02-22T05:59:00.002-08:00

Chronicle

Stars: Vince from Friday Night Lights, and a couple of other guys.

So I'm finally posting something about Chronicle. I saw it two weekends ago and enjoyed it but just never got around to putting anything in writing. It's gotten pretty decent reviews and I get it. It was well done, well acted, and interesting. My biggest problem with it was the whole (sort of) found footage aspect of it. Actually it isn't "found" footage so much as just edited together footage. But they never address who put it all together. At least in some of the found footage horror movies they give us a little paragraph at the beginning or end explaining where the footage came from. This movie never does that and the footage is put together too well. Not to mention the fact that whoever did it somehow had access to footage shot by police and news cameras. Ooookay.

The story is: three high school boys go down a hole in the ground, see some glowy light and come back out of the hole with super powers. Mostly it's telekinesis type stuff and if they use too much too fast they get nose bleeds. They get more and more powerful, especially Andrew the loner guy, and things are fun until they aren't.

Prior to the glowy light cave, Andrew had decided to put his life on tape, which includes getting beat up by his dad and some bullies from school. It's because of this camera that he gets invited in the hole with cousin Matt and popular guy, Steve. So that establishes how we have access to the guys and their journey through the first 2/3 of the movie. The last section though, the section where things go very wrong -the rules they set get ignored- has footage from various other cameras. If you don't ask questions about where that footage comes from then this is a pretty cool movie. The guys have some good talks, they explore their powers in interesting ways (like playing catch in the sky), and generally have a good time. But as I mentioned, things go south for the boys and they end up on police and news cameras.

If you are interested in seeing this, don't feel compelled to rush to the theater. This would make an excellent rental. Also, if possible, don't over-think things like I do. For example, I'm still pissed about Rosebud and Citizen Kane.

WTF, Academy?: A Review of Take Shelter

2012-02-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

Want to see the best horror movie of 2011, and a film that is, at the very least, stronger than The Help, Midnight in Paris, and Moneyball? Visit your local Redbox or Neflix queue and check out Take Shelter. Please. I'm seriously begging. I need to talk to someone about this compelling, terrifying, moving, and masterful film.

Writer/director Jeff Nichols has taken the concept of pathetic fallacy and pushed it to its very limits. His movie follows Curtis (Michael Shannon in a brilliant, sophisticated, complicated performance that takes Brad Pitt's Billy Beane and eats it for breakfast) as he descends into delusional paranoia. Maybe. Curtis's persistent and unsettling dreams about coming storms literalize how the subconscious speaks to us in code. Whether a real natural disaster is looming or not, Curtis's fears about a devastating tornado are symbolic for the way life can deliver catastrophes with very little warning. His daughter, Hannah, is now deaf but wasn't always, giving credence to his psyche's realization that there are some disasters you cannot prepare for.

Shannon's totemic face is this film's anchor as the audience becomes more and more uncertain as to what is dream and what is waking life, what is fantasy and what is reality. In a movie season where psychological disorders have become shorthand for social commentary (Melancholia, The Beaver, It's Kind of a Funny Story), Take Shelter explores and explodes the way a human mind can reflect and distort its environment in order to conform to expectations both reasonable and not. Curtis knows he must protect and provide for his family (daughter Hannah and wife Sam, played by Jessica Chastain, of course) in a way his distant father and mentally ill mother never could. For him, that means bankrupting himself in order to finance a tornado shelter that could withstand an apocalypse or two, and brushing aside his fears that he might be going crazy. Up until the last, brilliant, scene of this film, I had no idea whether his bunker would be a) necessary; b) a mark of his madness; or c) a tomb. I'm still not entirely sure. In the way the film interrogates the modern relationship between the sociopolitical and the individual, I'm reminded of both Jonathan Franzen and The Social Network, another, to my mind, unconventional horror flick.

Take Shelter is a cinematic cousin to my other favorite movie of 2011, The Tree of Life. Both films show a natural world beautiful in (and because of) its awesome power and disinterested cruelty. However the former takes seriously the implications of this world on individual human minds. Shelter is something, therefore, that is not a given, but a privilege that must be seized--violently if necessary.

I'm still shaken by this movie, and especially by Michael Shannon's tour de force performance, and not just because I have recurrent nightmares about tornadoes too. They nominated Shannon for Revolutionary Road and overlooked him for this? For real?

Being Human “Mama Said There’d Be Decades Like This”

2012-02-21T12:01:00.002-08:00

Aidan is a wee bit tortured and seems to be enjoyingit. He’s on the hunt for Henry andfeeding on live humans. A lot. Apparently vamps can get blood drunk and wesee this happen to Aidan. He’s not anangry drunk so there’s that. He does geta bit snarky when Josh needs his help, which wasn’t very nice. Oh and he’s seeing Bishop, which is bad newssince Aidan killed Bishop last season. Huh. Bishop is trying to giveAidan some tips on how to take over and get his life back on track. We take some trips down memory lane and evenget a flashback to 1918 and see soldier versions of Aidan and Henry. Imaginary Bishopencourages Aidan to get rid of Henry once and for all but Aidan can’t kill hisprogeny. Then Bishop leaves him with thewarning that really the child kills the parent (as happened in theirrelationship). Yeah, I’m guessing Henrywon’t take the attack lightly.

Josh hasn’t heard from Nora in a while and is being kept outof the loop with whatever went down with her and the twins. This is unfortunate when two police detectivesdrop by the hospital to question him about a) Nora’s whereabouts and b) what heknows about her ex-boyfriend’s murder. As I mentioned, Josh goes to Aidan for help from the recently turnedvamp cop, Cecilia, but it doesn’t go well. Josh goes to Cecilia thinking Aidan would have mentioned the story toher first but he hadn’t. He’s too busy havingimaginary conversations with a dead vamp. Cecilia isn’t interested in helping Josh either until he mentionsdelivering the purebred twins in exchange for making the case against Nora goaway. She agrees and even compels thedetectives to leave Josh and Nora alone. Josh delivers on his promise and even gives Cecilia the dead Amish vamp’sshotgun and silver bullets to sweeten the deal. I wonder if Nora will forgive him for this since she seems to feel rightat home with the twins.

Sally gets the bad news that her mom is in the hospital andher prognosis isn’t great. Her mom diesand immediately wants to go out on the town instead of checking on how her dadis handling it. At her funeral she’seven off making out with their old neighbor which totally creeps Sallyout. Sally had hoped they’d have somequality mother/daughter time but her mom’s too busy getting busy. Turns out Sally’s mom had an affair with himand has had to quietly mourn his death for the past 10 years. Sally invites her mom to dinner to meet theroommates and of course she brings her ghostie boyfriend. It’s not great, especially the part where Sallyyells at her mom for cheating on her perfectly nice and loving father.

Bonus Henry picture just 'cause:

The Bachelor: Every Parent's Worst Nightmare

2012-02-21T11:53:00.000-08:00

You try to raise your child right--feed them, send them to school, keep the psychological warfare to a minimum. And then it happens: they bring home the Bachelor, and you have to invite this tool into your home and serve him dinner and alcohol and pretend it's all totally normal. Hide your daughters, America, it's the hometown visits episode of The Bachelor. Oh, wait. Too late.

The Ben-Hur Rose: Lindzi. Lindzi comes from one of those families that looks like a Tommy Hilfiger ad and insists on "friendly" "competitions" at all gatherings that just make everyone feel uncomfortable. Because Lindzi is an "equestrian," her parents made BB participate in a carriage-horse race.

Again, the horse stole the show.

We also had to endure the break-up story, and hear about Lindzi's "love journey." After this hometown visit, I switched from wine to Scotch.

The Hell House Rose: Kacie welcomes BB to her hometown with a marching band and a baton-twirling exhibition, and believe it or not, that's the high point. She informs BB that her dad doesn't drink (which is like being a Holocaust denier in the world of this show) and that he is "skeptical" about things like love journeys. I was sort of on board with Kacie pere until I also learned he was also "skeptical" about living together before marriage and people who don't share his values.

The face of a man who has decided whom to eliminate.

If Kacie wasn't home-schooled, she at the very least went to Jesus Camp. I am now chasing my Scotch with a brandy.

The Stephen "the Twin" Stagliano Commemorative "I'm More Into Your Brother" Rose: Nicki's brother. If you watched the season of The Bachelorette with Jillian, first of all, I'm sorry. Second of all, you might remember during her hometown visit episode, she met the twin brother of one of the finalists, Michael. Stephen the Twin was cooler than Michael in almost every way, which led me to the Bachelor/ette Sibling Theorem: Always go for the brother or sister of the person you're allegedly dating on this show. They share all the good genetics that landed their sibling a spot on the show, but, crucially, DIDN'T TRY OUT FOR THE SHOW. Nicki's brother is cute, funny, and normal, a characteristic that neither BB nor Nicki have exhibited in several weeks. Oh, and the visit? They talked a lot about the ex-husband and her father creepily commented that he shouldn't have "given her hand in marriage" to the first guy, because he "trusted her judgment." Not your call, bro. But perhaps you'd get along well with Kacie's dad.

She also made him wear this outfit. Her cooler brother underhandedly mocked it at dinner.

And you know what goes well after a brandy? Coffee. With Bailey's.

The David Lynch Must Have Directed This Hometown Visit Rose: Courtneythemodel. BB's time in her hometown is precisely the shitshow you'd imagine. First of all, they go to her house, meet her eerily cryogenically frozen parents, and proceed to talk about BB like he isn't there at the table. It was actually pretty hilarious:

Courtneythemodel: I'm looking forward to you meeting Ben. He's smart and nice.
Random family member: We can't wait!
BB: [silence]
Courtneythemodel: I think I'm falling for him.
Random family member: Falling or have fallen?
BB: [awkward silence]

Then, THEN, she takes him to this pretty non-descript park where she (of course) had her first modeling gig and talks about how she wants to get married there. Then, THEN, she shows him where a wedding is being set up, and yes, it's their fake wedding, complete with creepy fake officiant and fake vows. Though Courtneythemodel seems to confuse vows with demands, she tells BB she loves him, accompanied with much hair stroking (hers). It's all so utterly bizarre and he's so completely into it. Again I say, I disavow you, BB.

And she wore white. Isn't it ironic? Don'tcha think?

At the "who gets to bang Ben next week" rose ceremony, Kacie gets sent home and uses some language of which her father is no doubt "skeptical." The remaining four are off to Switzerland, because there are lots of helicopters there. See you next week for the overnights--I'll be the one with the glass of Maker's Mark.

HIMYM and 2 Broke Girls - Didja watch?

2012-02-21T09:55:00.004-08:00

Didja watch How I Met Your Mother "No Pressure?" If you had you woulda seen:

- the wrap up of the Ted/Robin stuff. I disagree with Marshall and think this is it but the stupid writers still feel like they may have to drag it out a bit more.

- We pick up where last week left off...Ted's "I love you" to Robin is still hanging in the air. He panics but Robin kisses him and then hurries off to Russia to cover a butter festival.

- Marshall and Lily are wakened by a call from Ted wanting to talk to Marshall alone about the Robin stuff. Also, Barney is in bed with them and they had no idea. Barney crashed there after the last drunk train ride from last week. I'm almost positive they must have a guest room but I love that he crawled into bed with them. He tunes out a conversation with Lily except for the part where she mentions a sex tape. Barney's new mission in life is to find that tape. Barney does find a box of long-term bets that Marshall and Lily have made about Ted, Robin and Barney. They're pretty funny and we even get to see how a few of them went down. The most important one is that Lily doesn't think Ted and Robin will ever be together and Marshall does.

- Ted realizes the reason he and Robin haven't worked out is because she's still in love with Barney. Barney has moved past it and actually Robin kind of has too. But she also just doesn't love Ted like that. They agree that they're better off as friends.

- Barney finds the sex tape but after pressure from both Marshall and Lily decides not to watch it (Lily lost that bet).

- Marshall knows Ted will never not be in love with Robin as long as they live together so he asks her to move out because Ted couldn't/wouldn't do it himself. I'm tired of serious HIMYM. I want fun HIMYM.

Didja watch 2 Broke Girls "And the Kosher Cupcakes?" If you had you woulda seen:

-Jew Tang Clan! Caroline and Max make cupcakes for a bar mitzvah and the kid thinks he's not only a man now but a thug. The whole part with the 13 year old and his friend trying to be all gangsta and hit on the girls was actually pretty funny.

- Also, Max gets sick (she never gets sick!) and the mother and grandmother decide to take care of her because she's obviously Jewish (she could be because she has no idea who her father is). They even make her matzo ball soup and blow on it for her. Awwww!

- Meanwhile, Sophie has a new boyfriend that she met on a dating site called Poles Meet Poles or something. He is really, very gay but she loves that about him. Sadly he dumps her...for a guy.

Downton Abbey: Christmas in February

2012-02-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

Doesn't have quite the same ring as Christmas in July, but we take what we can get on this side of the pond. By the by, I've noticed some DA backlash on the Interwebs lately, so let me just say, I'm still a true believer. Slamming Downton because it has soap operatic elements (Matthew's miraculous healing, everyone keeling over from the Spanish Flu during one dinner party) seems to be a way of re-establishing the sort of high art/low dichotomous hierarchy (either of art, or of class) that the show's premise and plots are committed to blurring, and ultimately, obliterating. My piece being said, on to the merry recap!

The Twilight Saga: Matthew and Richard. The two spend most of the first half of the episode snapping at each other over Lady Mary. Richard is jealous and irritating, and Matthew, though still annoyingly guilt-ridden over St. Lavinia, doesn't want the woman he still loves anywhere near vile Richard. It even erupts into a thoroughly enjoyable upper-class fistfight between two men who have no idea how to throw a punch.

Don't close your eyes, darling.

Mary also finally discloses the details of the unfortunate Mr. Pamouk's death to Mattie, and it's worth it just to see his baby blues bug out at the word "lust."

Hit the road, Jack. Or vile Richard, as the case may be. When Cora lets the Turkish delight story out of the bag to Robert, he nonetheless gives Mary his permission (and practically his demand) that she cut the cad loose. The Dowager Countess has never been so happy!

She loathes him.

Her line of the night: "Life is a game in which the player is made to feel ridiculous," was aimed right at him.

Mary makes plans to flee to America to spend time with her must-be-less-awesome-by-comparison grandmother to ride out the scandal vile Richard promises to deliver.

Law and Order: York. Batesie's murder trial is consuming the hearts and minds of most of the household during this episode. Mrs. Hughes, Odious O'Brien, and His Lordship are all called as witnesses . . . for the prosecution. Seems they all overheard Bates making threats and/or infelicitous remarks about his wife in the days leading up to her untimely demise. In the absence of any other suspects, Bates gets sentenced . . . to death! Nooooo!!

I told you to stop talking!

Don't mess with Isis. Meanwhile, Thomas the snake, smelling an opportunity, tries to ingratiate himself with Lord Robert and slide into Bates's vacant valet position. When O'Brien suggests hiding something of the Earl's and then returning it to him, Thomas's eye lands on . . . Isis! He locks her up on the estate, and totally bungles the rescue. Luckily, Isis is safely returned, because I never would have been able to forgive him if anything had happened to the dog.

The only face of which I'm more fond than this one . . .

is this one.

WTF, show! As it turns out, Brybil's wedding took place in Dublin off-stage! Unjust! And Sybil is also pregnant, prompting Cora to urge Robert to thaw relations between the family and their black sheep. Also, Edith's old boyfriend is back. Whatevs.

Paranormal activity. They've got an effing ouija board downstairs. Mrs. Patmore, who has about had it with Daisy's refusal to spend time with her father-in-law, takes a seat and quite unconvincingly fakes a message from William which sends Daisy to the family farm. William's father as good as adopts her, and gives her the courage and confidence to ask for more responsibilities in the kitchen. It's sweet.

It's a Festivus miracle! part 1. Thanks to the best lawyering old money can buy, Batesie's sentence is commuted to life in prison! Huzzah? At the very least, it buys them more time to find the real killer (perhaps they should ask OJ to help?) and convinces Anna to stay at Downton rather than travel to America with Mary.

It's a Festivus miracle! part 2. At the servant's ball,

which is basically fanfic come to life,

Matthew, after some straight talk from Isobel, realizes that it's RIDICULOUS not to act on his feelings for Mary just because St. Lavinia died from the Spanish Flu. In a scene I desperately needed, he proposes, on one knee, basically in a snow globe.

It OWNED.

In a bit of a cheesy turn, Anna and Daisy had just received a ouija-gram from a spirit in the house that a couple that truly loved each other should be happy.

I choose to believe the message came from Mr. Pamouk.

All in all, I was utterly satisfied. I'm certain that series 3 will bring more obstacles that keep Matthew and Mary apart, but for now, I'm enjoying the moment.

The Walking Dead -The Morning After

2012-02-20T10:54:00.002-08:00

"Triggerfinger"

The previouslies remind us that Lori’s car flipped, Rickshot first, and Shane’s still crazy.

Lori’s car is on its side and there’s a walker tryingdesperately to get to her through the broken windshield. In fact he’s so desperate that as he pusheshis face through the windshield, it’s tearing his face skin away. Ew. Like, really ew. She gets awayfrom missing face skin guy and then shoots another one who has stopped to seewhat’s going on.

We get our first fun camera angle of the night, which is aside view of Rick, Glenn and Hershel standing over one of the bodies in thebar. I’m hoping this proves to Hershelthat Rick does want to protect him, his people and the farm. A car drives by so they duck outta sight andare stuck there for a bit while the group outside looks for the two dead dudesinside. The group outside the bar arepretty darn sure there are live people inside so they shout a lot of questionsuntil Rick can’t stand it anymore and answers back. After he admits their people are dead(BECAUSE THEY DREW ON THEM) a lot of shooting takes place. For most of the rest of the episode it’s thethree of them trying to not only get out of the bar alive but to their car andback to the farm too. Rick has a planbut offers Glenn as the lamb for slaughter. Again. Poor Glenn. No wonder he freezes up after being shot at. Also, there’s a sincerely gross walker buffet(them eating a human) that goes down and I kind of had to look away alittle. Ew.

The group at the house sits down for dinner and, after doinga headcount, realizes Lori is missing. Shane blames Dale for some odd reason and then rushes off to saveher. He finds her car and the two (twicedead) walkers. He finds Lori shortlyafter and convinces her (by lying) to go back to the farm because Rick hasalready returned.

Carol is keeping an eye on Darryl who is being a dick. Actually he seems to be masking hisdepression about a dead Sophia by being a dick. She lets him work through it, which equates to him yelling a lot andtrying to push her away, etc. because she’s very used to men taking out theiraggression on her.

Lori and Shane arrive back at the house where she finds outhe lied about Rick just to get her back to safety. He spills about her being pregnant (if thecar accident didn’t do something about that) and poor Carl feels a bit left outabout not knowing she was preggers. Shane gets her alone and tries to get her to admit what they had wasreal, blah, blah, blah but she’s not budging. She just wants her life with Rick and that’s all.

Morning has broken on the farm and there’s still no sign ofRick, Glenn and Hershel. Catatonic girlis still catatonic so Maggie and Andrea have a nice conversation over her. A search party is forming to go find Rick,Glenn and Hershel but before they take off the guys return +1. Right, I skipped over poor Randall. Randall was with the group that was searchingfor the dead dudes in the bar. He was upon a roof all sniper style shooting at Rick, Glenn and Hershel. One of his buddies pulled up informing himthat there were walkers coming so they needed to get out of there. Randall jumps off the building on which hewas perched onto a lower building. Fromthere he was going to make a bigger jump down but landed on a fence with nastylooking spires. His leg went right downon a spire. Rick, Glenn and Hershelcouldn’t leave him but couldn’t remove his leg in time before the walkers wereon them. So Rick ripped his leg up overthe spire and it was GROSS. They drovehim back to the farm blindfolded so he couldn’t tell anyone where it is. The plan is to fix him as best as possible,drive him up to the interstate with a canteen and let him go. This plan does not please the great andpowerful Shane. Andrea agrees with Shanebut only because they did it.

Glenn is freaked out because he froze but neither Rick orHershel froze. He was thinking of Maggieand himself and this pisses him off. Iguess love is an uncomfortable thing for him. Maggie’s pissed that Glenn’s pissed so she dumps on Hershel for leavingand drinking and so on.

We end with Lori and Rick getting nekkid and comparingbruises in their tent. Lori whisperssweet nothings into Rick’s ear about how dangerous Shane has become. Also Shane loves her and believes she and the baby are his. Plus he'd probably do just about anything for her. Oh and he's crazy. Lastly, if Rickloves her he’ll kill Shane. Or somethingkinda similar. There's part of me that wants the show to go where the book went 'cause it would be incredible. Then there's part of me that's hot for Shane/Jon Bernthal and hopes that he calms the crazy a bit.

The Vow

2012-02-20T04:58:00.000-08:00

The Vow
Stars: Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum

It wasn't horrible. I didn't love it like I love some other romantical movies but I did enjoy it. Mostly I think The Vow worked because of McAdams and Tatum. I know, right? A movie worked because of Channing Tatum?!? Have you seen Dear John? He's got the puppy dog, love you 'til the day you die thing going on and it works in these movies. It works better than when he tries to do the GI Joe stuff. Speaking of Dear John, this shoulda/coulda been a Nicholas Sparks movie but there wasn't enough death and despair to qualify. But it did have a general Sparksian feeling which probably did it a disservice.

The story is: a hipster couple fall in love, sit too long at a stop sign on a snowy night, and the wife gets a serious case of memory loss (I don't think they ever say amnesia though). She has no idea who the guy is that claims to be her husband so he's got to make her fall in love with him all over again. Luckily she doesn't have the 24-hour memory loss Drew Barrymore suffered in 50 First Dates so he doesn't have to work that hard.

It was sweet and I like the actors. Yes, ok? I like Channing Tatum. There, I said it. He doesn't bother me and he's a good dancer. So again I say, it wouldn't have worked with just anyone. Oh and it's a true story. I don't think the real couple were hipsters though.

This Means War

2012-02-20T04:34:00.000-08:00

This Means War
Director: McG
Stars: Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, and Tom Effing Hardy

This Means War has a 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. I think this is one of those situations where the critics are just being cranky. They weren't hugged enough as children and it comes out when they watch a fun and entertaining movie with engaging stars. I'll admit that my enjoyment of the movie was situational. I was with my GNO (Girls' Night Out) friends and had a really fun time. We laughed the whole way through, the action was fun and the acting was good. The story was slim (and at times surpassed Twilight-level creepy) but it kinda worked.

I'm not going to get too deep into the merits of the film. I will say that Reese is one of the few actresses that I enjoy ALL THE TIME. No matter what I'll go see whatever movie she's in. Plus I get a kick out of Chris Pine and think Tom Hardy is one of the sexiest dudes to come along in a long time. Seriously. The guy...he's just...I mean...wow. I'm sure someone somewhere disagrees with me but they would be wrong.

I did have issues with the movie and one big one was the end of the film. There's no way it would all go down that way and I don't mean the spy stuff (though that was a stretch too). But it's all easily explained and I guess makes sense. Plus it's an ending that most women want to believe would/could happen but I won't get into it because it would spoil the movie. Oh! My other big complaint was that we got a shirtless Pine but only a tight-tee'd Hardy. Uh, what? That ain't right.

Anywhoodle, it was action-y, romantic and very funny. Don't be scared off by cranky critics.

For a review rooted in a bit more reality, check out what Tracy said over at the Examiner.

"The Ring" (Angel 1.16): Demon Fight Club

2012-02-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

So this is an odd late-season offering. It's a standalone ep that is a little bit Warrior, a little bit Gladiator, a little bit The Jungle, and a little bit Whedonverse guide to making it on the inside when you're a vampire with a soul. Intrigued? Let's begin.

DON'T be anyone's bitch. I did say it had some parallels to jail, right? Once Angel gets tricked by a pair of nefarious brothers into becoming imprisoned in their underground demon MMA operation, his first task is to establish his place in the pecking order of similarly trapped fighters.

That place would be at the top.

DO remember your moral code is really more a set of guidelines than hard and fast rules.
The beasties have to score 21 kills before they're freed, and Angel repeatedly vows to perform precisely none of them. Until an unfortunate (and a little ungrateful) demon wakes up Angelus.

Are you not entertained?

DO keep your friends on the outside. While Angel is eating his gruel and doing his time, Wesley and Cordelia are retracing his steps and tracking him down. During the course of their wild Angel chase, there's a idiosyncratic little moment with Wesley being bad-ass.

This screencap doesn't do the badassery justice.

I'll let my intrepid co-watcher break it down for you:
"Why can't they be more consistent showing Wesley's evolution? It would make sense that the more practice he gets as a 'rogue demon hunter,' the better he would get. He must also be learning quite a bit from Angel. But, these weird glimpses of coordination followed by bumbling undercover work just don't jibe for me. It's like they couldn't quite figure out how much they wanted him to evolve. He couldn't just stay the bookworm, luddite, 'fucks everything up, but means well' Wesley; yet, he must obviously still serve as a foil to Angel and thus can't be smooth competent fighter guy."

Good points all. Though they managed Giles's similar evolution much more smoothly on Buffy, they did it over seasons, not over episodes.

DON'T become an institutional man. Despite their best efforts, Wes and Cordy don't save Angel. Who does is his fellow demons-in-arms. After snagging the bracelet-unlocking-device from W, the demon horde turn on their captors, realizing that the true enemy is not each other, but their oppressors.

Pictured: Marxism!

This episode was entertaining enough, and notable for Wolfram & Hart associate Lilah's first appearance. This means Lindsey can't be far behind!

"Who Are You?" (Buffy 4.16): Slayer on Slayer Action

2012-02-18T09:39:00.000-08:00

Any episode written and directed by His Highness Joss Whedon is worthy of celebration, and this is a particularly evocative offering. Though the Big Bad storyline only moves forward incrementally, the internal development of our favorite Slayer-in-waiting advances by leaps and bounds. The Buffy guide to walking a mile in someone else's body is the latest season 4 highlight.

DO familiarize yourself with the equipment. When the Mayor's last bequest successfully switches Faith and Buffy' s bodies, the former spends some time exploring the studio space, so to speak.

It might not look like it, but this scene is chilling.

The episode is truly an acting masterclass for Sarah Michelle Gellar. She manages to communicate Faith-in-Buffy a lot more successfully than, for my money, Helena Bonham Carter pulled off Hermione-in-Bellatrix. Gellar even rocked Eliza's idiosyncratic Boston accent, pulling out an expert "a-boat."

Though the patented Slayer Hair Tossing Dance remains the same no matter who is possessing your body.

DO take advantage of available opportunities, part 1. While Faith is wearing her Buffy suit, she briefly pauses to mindfuck Spike, but good. Her seductive flirtation is worth quoting in full:

"I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more."

As my intrepid co-watcher Jenn points out, this S/M-tinged speech is a little hard to enjoy with "Seeing Red" looming in season 6.

Why does Season 6 have to ruin everything?

DON'T get too close to an intuitive Wicca. I've been (unintentionally) downplaying the development of Willow and Tara's relationship in these posts, but it really is impossible to overlook in this episode. Tara is the one who is able to first identify the soul-switching spell,

This is Tara's "I'm figuring it out" face.

and also engages in some metaphorical sexytime with Willow.

As Jenn points out, unfortunately, metaphorical sexytime is really all they're allowed.

DO take advantage of available opportunities, part 2. This is like the opposite of sexytime, metaphorical or otherwise. Faith-in-Buffy gets groiny with Riley, and his tender lovemaking is the beginning of her rehabilitation.

Barf.

Though, as Jenn notes, Forrest-the-asshole also does his part. His designation of Buffy (Faith) as a "murderer" does produce the first denial of this identity that Faith articulates.

And I was just wondering where Graham was.

DON'T forget that pretending to be someone else only teaches you more about yourself. Though the Buffy-in-Faith vs. Faith-in-Buffy showdown is unfortunately brief, it does highlight the depth and ferocity of Faith's self-loathing.


Pictured: What self-loathing looks like if you've happened to switch bodies with Buffy	.

Faith's brutal self-beatdown will eventually send her straight to L.A., into the arms of a more understanding and empathic mentor than the Watchers Council, the Mayor, and even Buffy could hope to be.

Yeah. It's this guy.

Survivor: One World; episode 1

2012-02-16T07:53:00.000-08:00

Somewhere on a remote Polynesian island lies 2 tribes, 1camp.

This time around it’s men vs. women and that will work justfine. Also, no Redemption Island! Yay!

Here are the first impressions:

Kourtney – cute,tattooed, kooky; then…breaks wrist and goes home during the firstchallenge. Oops.

Colton – über-gayand wants everyone to know it; bonds with the girls

Tarzan – wants tobe called Tarzan (even though his first name is Greg); nice ‘stache, terribleshirt (of course I'd rather see the shirt on than off); still in shock that he’s a plastic surgeon.

Troyzan – really? Ok, it's Troy but he did say Troyzan. That’s worse than Tarzan; makes lots of broadgeneralizations about broads.

Michael* – aka ‘brows’;total jerk, steals from the girls right off the bat. DO NOT WANT

Chelsea –CHUCKTOWN IN THE HOUSE! Great teeth; like her a lot. GO CHELSEA!

Jonas – cute;nerdy; and will totally have to prove himself necessary if he wants to stayaround. Maybe he’ll show mad knifeskills with the fish they catch.

Alicia – Ew. JUST EW. She starts an alliance right away and part of me expects it’s becauseshe knows deep down that people will hate her.

Kim – pretty;seems reasonable enough.

Sabrina – Like her. Like her a lot. She finds an idol but can’t keep it. Bummer. She also shows some strength as a strategist,which will either serve or destroy her. She’s my second favorite.

Matt* – cute but arrogant; complains immediately about Colton.

Bill* – kind ofunder the radar except for one statement: “They [the girls] need us more thanwe need them.” Uh, Bill…who caught the 2chickens? The girls did. In fact Chelsea from Charleston did.

Jay* - a model, how novel; hightalker; needs to go quickly because I don’t like listening to his voice.

Leif – I’m muchmore distracted by his nipple rings than the fact that he’s a little person.

Kat – Cute butclueless; doesn’t know what the word “ambiance” means. Keeping fingers crossed that the dumb blondeact is just that.

Monica – also kindof under the radar; but steals fire from the guys in the middle of the nightwith…

Christina – alsoseems reasonable and doesn’t take crap from Alicia (this makes her my 3^rdfave in the game)

Nina – bad hair,even worse fat lip from the challenge. Otherthan that she’s pretty much under the radar too so far.

* the male model alliance. Not all are actually models but look like they could be.

I watched this with my mom and had to share her funny quoteof the night, though she'd prefer that I didn't. There was a shot from above looking down on their campsite on the beach and my momsays, “That looks like Google Earth.”

Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope, and COUGAR TOWN! Didja watch?

2012-02-15T11:32:00.002-08:00

Didja watch Glee "Heart?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Glee's idea of great love songs (their task for the week). I disagree with some of the choices but then great love songs are so subjective.

- Schue wants them to go classroom to classroom when someone pays for a singing valentine. They don't want any more shoes thrown at them so they pass. Plus Sugar hand Schue a wad of cash to put in the glee club piggy bank. Also, she's having a party on Valentine's Day and needs a date. Artie and Irish compete to be that date.

- We meet Rachel's dads, played by Jeff Goldblum (LOVE HIM!) and Brian Stokes Mitchell. They give Finn and Rachel their blessing, which is totally surprising. And even invite the Hudson-Hummels over for dinner to celebrate the engagement.

- We meet Homeschool Joe at a meeting of the God Squad. He's named his dreads after the books of the Bible. Oooookay. They decide they'll do the room to room singing since the glee club passed. Rachel is their first victim and they sing "Stereo Hearts" and Sam even raps. Santana, pissed that her and Brittany's PDA was frowned upon, hires the God Squad to sing to her girlfriend. Homeschool Joe looks confused by this:

- Irish misses home and thanks the Glee kids for making him feel welcome. He'll miss them when he's deported. Of course this is all a ruse to get Sugar to choose him. He sings "Home" and I download it before he's even finished singing. Sugar loves it too and asks him to be her date. Poor Artie.

- The God Squad meets again and discusses homosexuality and the Bible. Note: They've never had a problem before so I'm wondering why now? Then Mercedes says almost the exact same thing. Homeschool Joe is uncomfortable but not because he's anti-gay he just doesn't think he's ever met anyone gay before.

- Mercedes dumps Sam and tells Shane that she kissed Sam. Oh and she sings "I Will Always Love You," which, of course, is very timely this week. That one ends up on my iPod too.

- Dinner at the Berry's and Rachel's dads are singing "You're the Top" for the Hudson Hummels (minus a disapproving Kurt). I'm going to avoid the obvious with that choice of song and move on to the parents' collective scheme. They want Rachel and Finn to spend the night together in her room, no questions asked. It's time for teen sex, y'all. Oookay. Rachel and Finn fight when he tries to use her bathroom after their large dinner and she freaks. It forces a discussion about their future that they've not yet had and they're able to work through it. The parents' thought they'd have one fight and break up or at least push back the wedding. Instead Rachel and Finn pick a date. Oops!

- Kurt shows up early to meet the person who's been sending him secret admirer valentines. He thinks it has to be Blanie, I figured out 40 minutes ago that it's Karofsky. I'm right and Kurt's really disappointed. He lets Karofsky down gently and Blaine pops up later to sing "Love Shack" and make Kurt happy again.

- The God Squad sing a "Cherish/Cherish" mash-up to Brittany from Santana because love is love. And the episode is dedicated to Whitney Houston.

Didja watch New Girl "Valentine's Day?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Not nearly enough of Jason Stackhouse. Seriously. His shirt was ON the entire time. I call SHENANIGANS!

- Jess is single for the first Valentine's Day in six years and wants to mingle. She wants her first one-night-stand but Schmidt thinks/knows she'll somehow screw it up. Cece knows this too (and it's confirmed while Jess is packing a suitcase if a one-nighter happens) and they both agree to go along and help her. Nick and Julie have plans for the night too since they're an official couple now. And Winston is going on a first date with Shelby, the hottie he used to keep around as a booty call.

- Jess finds a guy who she has tons in common with and is total relationship material. Schmidt and Cece shut it down. Jess chokes on a cherry and Oliver comes to her rescue. She actually says, "Schwing." She and Oliver have nothing in common so he's perfect! He even tells her, in detail, about every lunch he's had in the past week and 3 of them were tacos. He loves tacos.

- Nick goes to Julie's office to pick her up for their date and meets CLARK! who's playing Cliff, Julie's intern. Cliff says some dirrrrty things about Julie not knowing that Nick's her boyfriend and it's pretty funny. Nick ends up spending most of the night with Cliff who keeps asking inappropriate things about Julie.

- Winston's date turns out to be a girls night in and he even ends up with a Biore strip on his nose. He hangs in there though and ends up being pretty great with Shelby's friends.

- Jess and Oliver need a ride to his place and Schmidt ends up hanging around too long so Cece comes by to get him so he can leave his car for Jess to come home. No one really leaves, then Oliver's ex shows and Cece's incredibly high, slightly racist boyfriend comes in too. It's a mess. Jess ends up getting Oliver and his ex back together and comes very close to knocking on Schmidt's door to have her one-night-stand with him. Good thing she didn't because Cece beat her to it.

Did I put enough pictures of Kwanten up here? No? Here's another one, just 'cause:

Didja watch Raising Hope "Jimmy's Fake Girlfriend?" If you had you woulda seen:

- The most romantic show about love that I've seen in a very long time. I never thought this show would get to me but it did.

- Burt wants to have a common hobby with Virginia in order to make their marriage last. Honestly I can't even imagine them not together. But they search and search and find nothing.

- Jimmy finds out Sabrina and Wyatt are moving in together and it totally bummed about it. Virginia takes matters into her own hands and creates a fake girlfriend for Jimmy to make Sabrina jealous. It totally works. They find a girl (Ashley Tisdale!) at the local Improv theater. Also, Burt and Virginia find their common habit doing improv.

-There's a big, fake double date at a Mexican restaurant, which leaves Sabrina miserable. Sure she's got a tiny sombrero but she's still miserable.

- Sabrina dumps Wyatt and even says to Jimmy it's too bad he has a girlfriend. Jimmy wants to come clean with her about the big lie that got them there so he has a plan. He writes a whole play about their story for the improv troupe to perform. It's super sweet and Sabrina sits there with no clear emotion on her face. The play ends, she leaves, and Jimmy runs after her. She's there and says she hates kissing in public. So they kiss in the parking lot where everyone in the theater comes out to join them. And sing "You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone. It's awesome and makes me swoon.

DID YOU WATCH COUGAR TOWN "Ain't Love Strange?" DID YOU MISS IT LIKE I DID? WHY AM I SHOUTING?!?!?

- They're baaaack! And they're armed with hands-free wine glass necklaces.

- Jules wants her relationship with Grayson to have lots of surprises. Grayson breaks it to her that Jules is way too predictable for that to be possible. This upsets Jules.

- Stan, who now seems to be 6 years old, is a devil child. He walks around a lot with a hammer and breaks lights in the neighborhood. Also he really seems to get along with Lori. This is Ellie's nightmare. Lori assures her that Stan already has a leg up in life because he has two parents who love him. Lori had a mom with 5 dads who didn't really seem to care about her. Stan *should* be ok.

- Travis is out of his college dorm and living with 9 guys in a house with a green screen. Bobby and Andy love the green screen. Also, Bobby wants Travis to take dog Travis and guilts him into it.

- Grayson manages to orchestrate Jules's perfect proposal situation and she says, "yes." Awww!

Being Human "Addicted to Love"

2012-02-14T17:36:00.000-08:00

"At the end of the day, all any of us wants is to feel good." Aidan's got a belly full of blood and a bed full of Suren. He feels good. Maybe a wee bit guilty but mostly good.

Speaking of beds, Sally is in one with the cute doc from last week. Sure she's inhabited his girlfriend, Janet's, body but she's feeling good and that's all that matters, right? I wonder what Janet has to say about playing host to Sally's whims. Sally leaves Janet's body and looks AWFUL. To wit:

She's seen better days.

The wolf pack discusses the next step in Josh's research.They want to do some testing on Nora but she's not into it. Can you blame her? She's a doctor, she knows what medical testing looks like.

Aidan wants to get to work in Boston but Suren's feelin' good about feeding and staying in bed. He and Josh confront Sally about her addiction to possession but she can't stop. She doesn't want to. I guess the sex with cute doc is just that good. BTW, he's noticing that his girlfriend has been a bit different lately. Oops. Oh and now Sally can't get out of Janet. Double oops.

We flashback to 1930 and Henry's getting it on with someone other than Suren. He's easily distracted. Aidan warns him about hurting Suren but Henry's having way too much fun with random chicks. Present day Aidan is nekkid and in bed with Suren when Mother drops in to give them a piece of her mind. Luckily she waited for them to dress and come out to find her. The still (kind of) alive orphans are wreaking havoc and they need to stop fooling around and cull the herd already.

Sally's at the hospital and freaking out about being stuck inside Janet but pauses to comment on Josh's extreme lack of arm hair. Heh. The smokey creep shows up and knocks Sally right out of Janet's body but both look like they took a punch.

Nora's ex pops up at the hospital to apologize for his past misdeeds. He's changed, he isn't a violent dude, yada, yada. He gets introduced to Josh who then flips out that she tolerates her ex's presence. The wolfie twins try to goad Josh into taking action and avenging Nora. That's so not Josh's style but he succumbs and flips out on the guy. Luckily for him Nora is there in time to stop him from killing the guy. Wait, why was she there?

Sally's sex host, Janet, shows up at the house because she's "seen" it before. Plus she senses something is coming for her. Sally surmises that she may have left a part of her, her memories, etc. behind when she was so rudely forced out of Janet. I bet she's right. Sally visits her to try and apologize to a human who can't hear her but is distracted by Janet's creepy drawings of Reaper (creepy, smoke dude). Janet's lost a bit of her mind and recovered a bit of Sally's in the process. That can't be good.

Suren gets Aidan to help her cull the orphan population and luckily for them Aidan thinks he knows where they might be. We flashback to find Suren being pushed by her mom and cheated on by Henry who tries to explain his way out of a tryst. Aidan dispatches with Henry but doesn't kill him. Suren does go after the chick he was banging and thusly exposes the vampire population of Boston. Well it's time to lock the doors and turn up the music. There's gonna be a buffet! This was why Suren was put to ground almost 100 years ago and she apparently didn't learn much while she was down there.

The girl wolfie twin gets Nora to admit she had been watching the ex every night. All the while she was fighting to keep the wolf at bay, so to speak, and not kill him. Soooo that's why she was there when Josh almost killed him. Meanwhile there's a wolf, or two, or three stalking the ex at his place of business and I'm guessing he's not long for this world. In fact hey rip him to shreds. Josh wakes up all alone in the storage unit and looks around like a lost little puppy. Nora wakes up in an incest sandwich and a large smile on her face. Ok, not really incest but they are all naked and two of the three people are siblings. Anywhoodle, Nora has embraced the wolf and I wonder if Josh will ever get her back after this.

Suren and Aidan find the nest but no orphans. They split up and Aidan happens upon Henry, looking pretty spiffy. Aidan's way happier to see him than Henry is to see Aidan. Suren pops back in and Aidan keeps Henry a secret. For now.

Bachelor Ben, I Disavow You

2012-02-14T11:09:00.000-08:00

So it's the week before the hometown dates, and BB and his bevy of brainiacs have descended on Belize to spew their particular brand of boo-shit. Feeling depressed that you're not dating anyone this Valentine's Day? I've got your antidote right here.

It could be so much worse.

The Too Cheesy for Nicolas Sparks Rose: Lindzi and BB. Their one-on-one included the "not a sexual euphemism" activity of diving into the Blue Hole,

See? Totally vanilla.

and finished up with a dinner in which they wrote a painfully squirm-inducing "fairy tale" account of how they met and sealed it up in a bottle.

The I Don't Hate You So You're Doomed Rose: "Ph.D student" Emily. She acted like a normal person on her one-on-one with BB. They went shopping and lassoed lobsters and she seemed funny and nice and only mentioned Courtneythemodel once.

Oh, you're having a mature and mutually enjoyable conversation? Pack your bags, Carolina.

The Hallucinogens and/or the Coming Apocalypse are the Only Explanation Rose: So Courtneythemodel managed to bitch and moan her way into the third one-on-one date. They climbed to the top of a temple, and I can only assume that BB ingested some sort of Mayan mescaline or was brainjacked by the spirit of a priest wishing to warn us of the end of the world was nigh. She said she didn't like him anymore. He loved it. She said she didn't want him to meet her family. He smiled like a goofball. She said that she hated everyone and has no girlfriends. He made out with her enthusiastically. These responses, plus his semi-cosmic vision at the temple's summit of his "past, present, and future" with Courtneythemodel, that featured a guest spot from his dead dad, confirms that BB has either been drugged, possessed, or is deeply, deeply stupid.


I mean, she's pretty, but not that pretty, right? I feel like I'm insane!

The Ready for her Quentin Tarantino Role Rose: Kacie (who, now that Kasey S. has sobbed her way off the show, can lose the "B" as far as I'm concerned). She has a violent side and is about ready to unload it all over Courtneythemodel. You don't want to wake this dragon, y'all. She called her a "[bleeping] bitch", expressed her desire to "spring across the room and punch her in the face", and graphically demonstrated with her hands what she would like to do to the black widow spider that is Courtneythemodel. [Hint: Smush.]

It made me forgive her for this ridiculous "arrow through the head" flower situation.

Kacie, you speak for the nation. All our hopes lie with you.

After tossing Rachel and Emily like human chum into the shark-infested waters of Belize, next week BB heads off to Clarksville, TN (holla!), Scottsdale, AZ, Ocala, FL, and Hurst, TX, to see from whence these women were spawned. I guess the only good news is that we'll be able to ascertain if Courtneythemodel indeed derives from human parentage, or is in fact a fembot gone rogue.

The Walking Dead - The Morning After

2012-02-14T10:24:00.002-08:00

(so technically it's two days later and not morning here but you get the idea. I blame Downton Abbey for missing it.)

"Nebraska" opens with previouslies including Hershel and thebarn-dwellers; Shane losing it; and Rick putting down a zombified Sophia. Cut to the exact moment where thelast episode left off…the end of Rick’s gun. Post-barnmageddon people are pretty freaking upset. Hershel’s blond girl heads straight for hermother’s twice dead corpse. Too bad shewasn’t quite dead yet. Thankfully Andreawas near by with a mother-effin’ scythe! This was the one moment I wished the show was in 3D. Andrea nails the back of the her skull withextreme prejudice and it’s lovely.

Hershel kicks them off the farm, again, but most especiallyhe wants Shane gone. This forces Shaneand Rick to quibble, pull ‘em out, and measure, as per usual. Shane still thinks his is biggest and the mostpowerful. Dale knows if you don’t agree,Shane will leave your for dead Otis style.

Glen and Maggie are talking, as they do, about whatnext. Will he stay (will Hershel allowit) or will he go with the RV crew? Sophia was their raison d’etre on the farm so now who knows? They’re interrupted by a noise and find theblond girl catatonic with Hershel nowhere to be found. He’s presumed to be in town, drinking and Ican’t blame the guy. It’s decided thatRick (over Lori’s protestations) and Glenn will round him up.

It’s agreed they will bury the bodies of those they lovedand burn the rest. Dale and Shane haveanother face-off where Shane gets a bit of his crazy all over Dale and I knowthis will come to a head soon. Carolwants no part of the burial because the Sophia she knew and loved died a whileago...alone, in the woods, and on the run for her life. Carol does, however, go medieval on somewildflowers to deal with her pain and anger. While she’s doing this, Rick and Andrea have piled the bodies on the backof the truck and are driving them off to be burned. An arm falls off a body and onto the ground. Andrea hops off to getit and the whole time I’m holding my breathbecause I’m afraid the walker missing an arm is going to wake up and want itback. He doesn’t and I breathe again.

Shane is at the well trying to wash some of the crazy offhim and hears a noise in the woods. Nothing to worry about, Shane. It’sjust Carol killing more tall grass. Hehas a strange moment with her where he washes her hands but it calms them bothdown so I let it go. Dale can’t let goof his fears regarding Shane and gets on his soapbox, this time with Lori inearshot. He tells her his pitch-perfecttheory of the Shane/Otis saga but she doesn’t want to believe it. Plus it’s not like they could prove it.

Lori asks Darryl to help find Hershel but he’s done findingpeople. He’s pretty much done with justabout all of it. Also, he calls herOlive Oyl and it’s pretty great. Loridecides to go off on her own to find Hershel. She goes in a car so I guess they’ve decided to give the horses arest? She’s texting while driving (ok,map reading but basically the same thing), hits a walker, and loses control ofthe car. She flips and that’s the lastwe see of her for a while.

Rick and Glenn find Hershel at the local watering hole drowning his sorrows in a bottle. They plead with him to come home and fix hiscatatonic blond (BETH! She has a name!) but he's busy with his owndemons. Rick tries to talk to him abouthope but it seems Hershel has lost that and his faith too. Quite a 180 for him. To Rick nothing has changed. The living folks need them. It’s moved beyond hope and beliefs and allthat. It’s about survival, y’all. Then the door opens and we hear, “Son of abitch. They’re alive.” Whaaaaa?

NO EFFING WAY!! It’s the not-Donal-Logue-dude from Terriers! I love him! (Terriers can befound on McStreaming and I recommend it. Highly) He and his super-sizedfriend are from Philly, are with a group, and have been scouting around. He’s heard lots of rumors about where is safe and where isn't. He also breaks the news to Rickthat he’s heard Ft. Benning is one of the latter filled with “lame-brains.” He likes the term “walkers.” It’s more succinct. They try to invite themselves to the farm andas much as I love him, I want him and his peeing-on-the-floor friend to movealong. I get my wish and they move onpermanently thanks to Quick-Draw Grimes. Dayum! Also it’s worth saying…RICKSHOT FIRST!

Back at the farm the bonfire is lit and this is not the timeto enjoy s’mores. Ick. Can you imagine?

HIMYM and 2BG - Didja watch?

2012-02-14T09:32:00.004-08:00

Didja watch How I Met Your Mother "The Drunk Train?" Didja wanna throws things at your TV like I did?

- The episode started lightly with the gang sitting around their table making "Top 10 things said on Lily and Marshall's wedding night" jokes. Didn't they get married like 2 or 3 years ago? Aren't these a little after the fact? Anywhoodle, Lily and Marshall mention having to get back to Long Island before the "Drunk Train" aka the train with all the drunk people. Clever.

- Of course a train full of drunk skanks is exactly what Barney and Ted want. There's some nonsense about Ted owing Barney after having dragged him along on a double date. The date (Hi Becki Newton!) didn't fall for any of Barney's crap so he was miserable and Ted owes him. Ted's all for it because he's tired of looking for "the one." And I say...THANK GOD! Joke names for the drunk train abound but my fave is: Whore-ient Express.

- Marshall and Lily are on a couples weekend with Robin and Kevin and are boring them with tales of how they don't keep score in their relationship. In fact they have lots of examples of how they don't keep score. Meaning, of course, they actually do keep score. It's like the writers think we need to be hit over the head every week.

- Somehow Kevin is still in a romantic mood and proposes to Robin. She doesn't say yes (RED FLAG!) and needs time to think. Robin tells Kevin about her not being able to have kids but he proposes again anyway and says they could adopt, etc. She then clarifies that she doesn't want any kids and he sticks with the original proposal. He's too good for her, y'all. She thinks he'd be giving up too much for her and that's not fair to either of them.

- Barney and Ted have trouble staying awake on their first train ride and strike out on their second. They put their limited brain power together and realize they need to be drunk too. It works better but Barney's still thinking about Becki Newton who gave him no play at all.

- Robin opens up to Ted about the Kevin saga (they broke it off) and Ted, still hopefully drunk, declares his love for Robin. Again. Stupid show.

Didja watch 2 Broke Girls "And the Broken Heart?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Valentine's Day in Brooklyn, yo!

- Sophie drops by the diner in an outfit totally wrong for NYC in February and Oleg gives her another shot.

- Apparently Sophie's outfit was totally wrong for Earl's heart too. He is having his third (or was it fourth?) heart attack and the girls rush him to the hospital. Earl's OK but wants a private room. Turns out Caroline's ex is a doctor there with lots of connections and gets Earl moved to a VIP room. She tries to re-kindle with him but he shoots her down because of her dad and what he did. It's a good thing Max is in her corner because girl's got no one.

- Speaking of...Caroline's dad sends her his annual gift of roses and sends some to Max too for taking such good care of his little girl. Awwww!

Downton Abbey: In Sickness and In Health, Part 2

2012-02-14T09:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all my fellow Downtoholics.

In the second hour of Sunday's episode, two romantic things happened, one of which was ruined, and the rest of the story is mostly concerned with things like inquests and hemorrhages. Happy Valentine's Day indeed.

No one expects the Spanish Flu. During one ill-favored (heh) dinner party, Cora, Lavinia, and Carson are all struck by the post-WWI pandemic. We shall track their progress through the course of the hour. Moseley gave us all a scare, but it turns out he was just drunk.

Next time I'm drunk, I'm going to tell everyone I have the Spanish Flu.

Brybil goes public. Branson and Lady Sybil announce their intentions to marry, and everyone loses it, both upstairs and down. Perhaps declaring your plans to be a journalist isn't the best strategy in a house currently dealing with Vile Sir Richard.

But the suit was a nice touch.

The Earl calling the Lady inappropriate. It's a little hard to be moved by Robert's indignant horror at his daughter's romance with the chauffeur when he's been snogging the housemaid. After an epic cockblock by Batesie,

Dude!

Lord Crawley sends Jane on her way, and, in a move that proves to me that he's read Howards End, understands the connection between his illicit feelings for Jane and his daughter's love for Branson, and gives them his blessing.

I could have danced all night! Romantic moment #1! Lady Mary and Matthew dance downstairs, and blue-eyed Mattie manages to make the line "you are my stick" sound sexy. He also admits that he'd rather marry her than Lavinia. Well, naturally.

And they kiss! Squeal!

Tommy on the spot. With Carson out of commission and his own savings depleted, Thomas does what he does best: take advantage of the situation. He campaigns for footman of the year in an attempt to reinstate himself at the Abbey. I am for this.

Wasn't even an important storyline--it's just an excuse for me to post this picture again.

These are my confessions, part 1. As Cora worsens, O'Brien packs her bags for a guilt trip. She's ruing soaping the floor and causing the Lady's miscarriage, as I would hope she would, and just about tells her so.

Though she probably wouldn't have appreciated the significance of the admission at this particular time.

These are my confessions, part 2. Freaking Lavinia overheard Mary and Matthew's conversation and saw the kiss, and proceeds to climb up on her big wooden cross and offers to give him up if that's what he wants. Then, though she appears to be improving, she dies.

Well played, Lavinia. Well played.

I will never forgive her for this, as Matthew convinces himself that the cause of her demise is not Spanish Flu but a broken heart, and he will therefore never allow himself to love Mary, as they are "cursed." Bah.

He's getting married in the morning! Anna makes like Lady Sybil and strikes a blow for feminism, proposing to Batesie. They get married in Romantic Moment #2! Jane and Mary arrange for them to have a proper honeymoon night upstairs,

Very happy for them.

Which should give them both many lovely memories to cherish while Bates rots in jail. You see, he gets arrested for his wife's murder the next morning. Bummer.

Dowager Countess Quote of the Night: If you're a singleton like me this Valentine's Day, and feeling, like Lady Edith, a little lonely and unlovable, Vi has some words of wisdom:
"Don't be defeatist dear, it's very middle-class."

Lady's got a point.

So if you're not lucky enough to be in love today, may next year's Valentine's Day find you as as hopeful as Branson and Sybil, as passionate as Matthew and Mary, and as committed as Batesie and Anna.

10 Romantic Movie Moments That Will Make You Want to Cut Your Heart Out This V-Day

2012-02-14T06:41:00.000-08:00

"Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die. The storybooks are bullshit. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and get in my bed!"

Moonstruck

Oh, it hurts so good. Here are some of my favorite romantic scenes from some of my favorite movies, just to prove I'm not completely dead inside.

Strictly Ballroom

I blame my crush on Derek Hough on this movie. This gorgeous, perfectly scored, sequence makes me want to have regular access to a rooftop with a huge Coke billboard.

Heathers

Some might not call this a romantic movie. Some are more emotionally healthy than I. J.D. was my first movie crush, and I still carry a healthy flame for Christian Slater.

The Notebook

I'm powerless in the face of Gosling in the rain.

Before Sunset

It's a long clip, but worth it. You're lucky I didn't post the entirety of the film, along with its "prequel," Before Sunrise.

The English Patient

It's all about when he reaches up and begins to stroke her hair.

Say Anything

Of course.

The Princess Bride

"This is true love. Do you think this sort of thing happens every day?"

The Last of the Mohicans

For my money, DDL has never looked better. This is the only time I will ever say this, but don't read the book. Just watch this movie.

Pride and Prejudice

My favorite love story of all time, in any media.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

If you've made it all the way to the end, a bonus clip: this is the first date my geek heart most deeply desires.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Downton Abbey: In Sickness and In Health, Part 1

2012-02-13T16:06:00.000-08:00

Forgive the "part 1." I watched Breaking Dawn: Part One this weekend, and can't break the habit. But the two-hour penultimate episode of series 2 deserves some fanfare, yes? On to the goings on in hour one. It's 1919 and the division between upstairs and down has never been more fubar.

Spoiler free thumbnail.

Who let Oral Roberts in the building?
Well, I suppose we should have all seen this coming. Matthew's "permanent paralysis" ended up being, well, neither. All it took was a fumbled tea tray to get Old Blue Eyes up and walking.

This scene made my cousin laugh out loud. I'm with him.

And I think we've officially entered soap opera land.

Hot for housemaid. Well, the platonic heart-to-hearts and idle flirtations between His Lordship and Jane just got a little less platonic and idle. Robert Crawley planted one on his newest housemaid but good. The war has left him feeling worthless and emasculated, so he responds by snapping at his wife and snogging the help.

Because he couldn't buy a sports car.

"Estranged wife suicide . . . don't do it." Ten points to Gryffindor if you got that '80s movie reference. In any case, did Mrs. Bates do it? Her untimely death has been ruled self-inflicted, but Batesie reveals that he purchased the rat poison that finished her off, and there are those unexplained scratches . . .

Freaking unexplained scratches ruin everything.

Anna encourages him to inform the police, because she's a good person. And we all know what happens to them.

Sweetheart, I think you should look worried.

Speaking of Anna . . . Vile Sir Richard tries to bribe her to report on Lady Mary's comings and goings. She does the right thing and informs Mrs. Hughes and Carson, because that's what she does, and we are left more sure than ever that Mary and Matthew belong together. Even Carson bails on working for Mary and Richard because the latter is so distasteful. Lavinia is doing her part to delay their unholy alliance by cutting in line for her own wedding, wanting to marry at Downton when Matthew "can walk down the aisle." Barf.

God, how I hope vile Sir Richard is paying her off.

Which brings us to . . .

Dowager Countess Quote of the Week: "Marriage is a long business."

And that would be her judgmental expression, aka, her default expression.

Well said, Vi. Mary, Matthew, and, sadly, Branson, would be right to listen to you.

Hot for Chauffeur. Or is she? Though I've been waiting for the Sybil/Branson (Brybil? Sybson?) romance to take off for ages, I was left a bit unsatisfied at its progression. Though she does touch his face and run away with him, she seems to be doing so for all the wrong reasons.

Face touching? Hot.

"I want out and you're my ticket"? Not hot.

Mary and Edith save her reputation from an ignominious elopement, and though she promises to return to Tommy when her parents approve, I am now officially in the "he deserves better" camp.

Gratuitous Thomas Pic. Thomas the Snake has got himself snookered by a black market proprietor of sub-par foodstuffs, and he leaves the episode bankrupt and broken. But I'm really just grateful for any excuse to post this picture of what he looks like when he's not a conniving former footman.

Me-ow.

Thanks to Nat and Bill for the link.

Stay tuned for part 2: The Spanish Flu. No one expects it!

"The Prodigal" (Angel 1.15): How Annoyance Can Blind You

2012-02-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

First up, a special Whedonverse Weekend double-header, because I might have been just a tad too preoccupied watching all four of the Twilight movies yesterday to post. And though I regret nothing, I do apologize for leaving Saturday Buffy-less.

But on to Angel! I was so busy being aggressively bored by Kate in this episode, I completely missed some key season and series-wide implications, as well as not enjoying as completely as I should the first good two-episode sequence in quite some time.

And I love Irish Angel in goofy wigs. Shame on me.

But a certain intrepid co-watcher was on point. So, without further ado, the Whedonverse guide to letting Jenn pick up your slack.

DON'T let your impatience with Kate make you take your eye off the ball. Jenn didn't. She notes that this episode is an intensification and continuation of the family issues that will become of paramount importance next season. Liam/Angelus/Angel's relationship with his father is crucial in this regard.

It's a Daddy douche-off.

DO trust your co-watcher to notice the boss cameos. This episode includes Angel's origin story, which is undeniably enjoyable even if it is twinned with the latest (and presumably last, considering Papa Lockley gets drained by two nefarious vamps) Kate's Daddy Issues storyline. And if we're talking the birth of Angelus, that means Darla's back. (Possible crossover alert? Buffy 4.15 featured the return of Faith.) Anyway, while I was dreading the reappearance of my least-favorite detective, Jenn totally spotted a Whedonverse alumna playing a bit role.

You might know her as Our Mrs. Reynolds.

Yep, it's Christina Hendricks.

DO count on Jenn to notice the dates. My astrology guru notes that Cordelia's May 22 birthday renders her a Gemini, and that Angel's (Liam's?) headstone reveals that he is eternally twenty-six.

The older I get, the more inappropriate my fixation on him becomes.

DON'T miss the foreshadowing. Darla remarks that "birth is always painful." Jenn remarks, "Just you wait, missy."

Oh, snap.

Jenn was right to realize that boring Kate is a red herring. This episode is really all about what makes Angel Angel. Which brings me to my questions: Is this the first episode where we hear Angel's original first name (Liam)? And is it the first time we hear the real version of how he got his nom de vamp (not that he had the face of an angel, but that his little sister thought he was an angel returned to her . . . before he ate her)?

"This Year's Girl" (Buffy 4.15): Guess Who's Coming to Kick Your Ass

2012-02-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

Yep.

Faith woke up from her coma, kids, and she ain't five by five when it comes to Buffy. Still harboring a serious grudge, the Slayer to be named later comes to UC Sunnydale with revenge on her mind. Herewith, the Buffy guide to dealing when old frenemies from high school show up on campus.

DO realize that your enemies might know you best. Faith sees Buffy's pre-opening-credits prophetic dream (where we again get a reference to "little sis"--Jenn notes that these references apparently have been present since season 2, but neither of us can come up with any) and raises her a doozie of her own. In Faith's subconscious, Buffy is a fairly terrifying stone cold killer, doing a Michael Myers ever-so-slow stalking complete with a ceremonial dagger. Buffy's willingness to kill in season 3 is a part of her personality that Faith won't ever let her forget.

I found this dream fairly terrifying.

DON'T think drama has an expiration date. Though the Scoobies have moved on (and a bit apart) since Graduation Day, it's all still fresh to Faith. She has to process the death of the Mayor, who was a demonic, though sincere, father figure to her,

As evidenced by this dream picnic they're enjoying

and she's still as pissed as ever that Buffy has the family and friends (and steady beau) that she can't seem to secure.

A Faith's Eye View of the life she both loves and loathes. All that's missing is Joyce. For now.

DO remember that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Ask anyone ten years out from high school, there's nothing like a reunion to remind you that some wounds don't heal. At the first word that Faith is back, Xander is bitter,

Giles is uninterested,

Willow is jealous,

In this moment, she's either calling Faith a "psychopathic superbitch" or a "cleavage-y slutbomb." Almost makes up for the outfit.

and Buffy is lying about Angel.

Pictured: The facial contortions necessary to explain Faith's vendetta without mentioning the sexy ex.

Also, Spike is double-crossing the Scoobies . . .

And looking damn fine doing it.

And everyone is dressing like a freak.

Hat! Leaf shirt! SWEATER VEST!!

According to Faith, Buffy hasn't changed either, remaining the same old "Better than thou" Slayer. And, as my intrepid co-watcher Jenn points out, Faith is still "kill first, ask questions later" when confronted with a demon courier bearing a post-mortem message from the Mayor.

In less capable hands, bringing Faith back could have felt cheap, but this episode feels completely earned. Season 4 has been all about investigating how the past shapes who the characters are now, and questioning how much of identity is reliant on others' perceptions. These philosophical questions become even more urgent in the next episode, because someone's ersatz daddy left them a steampunk soul-switching device!

Next week is going to ROCK.

So You Don't Have To: I watched A Better Life

2012-02-10T12:56:00.000-08:00

This year's obligatory WTF Oscar nomination went to Demian Bichir for Best Actor in A Better Life. (I was hoping that the "performance no one saw" nod would be awarded to Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double, but it was not to be.)

So what are you missing if you missed Bichir in A Better Life? An admittedly excellent performance in a movie that never really rises above a Crash-esque sentimental social tract. Bichir plays Carlos, an illegal immigrant barely holding onto either his small home in East L.A. or his son Luis, who is an American citizen by birth, and increasingly seduced by the power and riches promised by life in a gang. Carlos has a chance to make more money and spend more time with Luis, whom he desperately loves, by buying his partner's landscaping truck, tools, and clients, but he's afraid that the higher profile will put him in greater danger of deportation. With a few small surprises and one big one, all the bad things you can imagine that would result from such a premise pretty much do. A Better Life will make you cry, but you won't feel good about yourself in the morning.

Director Chris Weitz was half responsible for another, better, film that mined the dynamic between fathers and sons, About a Boy, and can keep the credit for The Twilight Saga: New Moon all to himself. He is undoubtedly a competent filmmaker, and he manages to shoot East L.A., Beverly Hills, and quite a few Southland sites in between, with a gorgeous crispness that unfortunately only adds to the saccharine didacticism of the movie. A perfunctory scene with an NGO representative in which the draconian and labyrinthine nature of our country's immigration laws are dispassionately outlined does the same.

But the big question: Does Bichir deserve the nomination? He's unquestionably a lot better than the material. He doesn't go for the easy emotional outpouring, except when the script really gives him no choice. However, I can't help but think his nod was a way for the Academy to pat themselves on the back for paying attention to (through the painless route of watching a film) the impossible choices that many men and women who live in Hollywood's home turf face daily. So what to say at the Oscar party? Bichir was good, but better in the criminally overlooked Che, and the nomination should have gone to Ryan Gosling.

Super-sized 30 Rock - Didja watch?

2012-02-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

Didja watch the super-sized 30 Rock "Hey Baby, What's Wrong?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Valentine's Day at 30 Rock!

- Liz wakes up with a can of Pringles stuck on her arm and her boyfriend, Criss, singing to her. She'd rather ignore V-Day due to 40 years of V-Day disappointments but he's convinced he can give her a nice night. In order for them to eat a proper dinner they'll need a dining room table. In order to get a quick table they'll need to go to...IKEA! Oh no. Turns out IKEA is a metaphor for people's relationships and Liz and Criss get into a big fight there and break up.

- Mary Steenburgen is Jack's mother-in-law! She's in town to encourage Jack to do something about Avery still being in N. Korea. Jack tries to tell her he's already been all over the incredibly useless UN to no avail. They try the Ambassador from Transylvania who makes lots of vampire jokes. He doesn't want to help either but Avery's mom goes crazy on the guy and Jack is impressed. In fact he's so impressed they kind of flirt with each other. Yipes!

- Tracy and Frank take it upon themselves to help Lutz find a woman. He screws it up and makes it even worse when he hits on Liz outside of their last ditch effort...IKEA!

- Jenna is supposed to perform live on America's Kidz Got Talent but she gets the yips. Pete knows all about the yips because he got them back when he was an Olympic archer. On the day of the performance he realizes Jenna needs to be in pain to perform so he shoots her with cupid's arrow. It works, she sings, and all is well.

- Kristen Schaal is still hanging around as a page. Jenna makes her take an un-tested Japanese pill that makes hair fall out in a certain area of your body. No one at TGS inspires her so she wants to move on. That is until she meet Liz and wants. her. life. She sneaks into Liz's apartment and puts lipstick on her while she sleeps and then is on her office couch. This is gonna get fun.

Suburgatory, Modern Family, and Happy Endings - Didja watch?

2012-02-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

Didja watch Suburagory "Sex and the Suburbs?" If you had you woulda seen:

- A goat! Tessa's got him. Can you see it? It was cute but there are no good screencaps.

- Anywhoodle, George finds a box of XL condoms and is concerned Tessa is having relations with Scott Strauss. She might be if he could stop talking about his time in Zambia for two minutes. George is convinced he can distract them with board games. This doesn't go well and he ends up spending the evening with Tessa's friends, Lisa and Malik.

- Dallas finds M/L (M/L!) panties in Steven's pants pocket so she runs off to her divorce attorney who kinda tries to talk her out of it. Tessa goes to Dallas to talk out her problems whilst exercising at the club. It ends up helping both of them and the random exercising that occurs in the background is pretty amusing. At one point women are leisurely walking up and down a flight of stairs with an exercise ball over their heads. Weird.

- George, after a pep talk from Alan Tudyk's Noah, realizes he needs to be a dude again and less of a dad. He hooks up with club employee, Jocelyn (played by the funny Arden Myrin). Of course he doesn't call her after so Jocelyn will be making the club a living hell for him.

- Scott realizes that he's pushing Tessa away so he lets her know he's ready for a physical relationship...in a tent...in his backyard. In order to make things right with her father he offers the traditional Zambian goat.

Didja watch Modern Family "Me? Jealous?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Greg Kinnear! He's a big fish that Phil is trying to reel in (my metaphor, not theirs) so he kisses up to him big time. Interestingly, Greg's character, Tad, is a big kisser too. He kisses Claire on the mouth and this doesn't bother Phil one bit if he'll get to sell some of Tad's properties. In fact I bet Phil would be up for an Indecent Proposal situation if Tad suggested it. Turns out Tad is kissy with everyone so there's no need to offer Claire in exchange for a little real estate action. However, Phil is pissed when Tad makes Claire laugh. That's his thing.

- Cam and Mitchell are staying at Jay and Gloria's house while their place is being fumigated. Jay and Mitchell have a back and forth over Jay making fun of lawyers. Cam and Gloria are getting on each others' nerves and pushing some boundaries. Manny tries to fix the situation by creating a similar but fake one of his own. It works too. Manny's such a smart kid. He even helps the Jay/Mitchell situation.

Didja watch Happy Endings "The St. Valentine's Day Maxssacre?" If you had you woulda seen:

- The explanation of the breakup window. It's uncool to dump someone near a holiday or major event. Penny's dating a guy who annoys her (he winks a lot) but because it's too close to Valentine's Day so she can't dump him.

- Brad wants to surprise Other Blonde with a night of Valentine's goodies. He has a dentist appointment but loves going because he's never had a cavity. Well there's a first time for everything. He's afraid of needles so they put him under. Waaaaay under. Keeping him upright is a task and Other Blond makes a crack about it being like "Weekend at Bernie Mac's." It's funny in a you-had-to-be-there kind of way but it made me laugh out loud at the time.

- Blond loves Valentine's Day and is truly hopeful she can help someone fall in love. In hopes of meeting her own love she goes to a party, dressed in her slutty grandmother's clothes, in a shady part of town. She stops to ask directions to the "party" and is mistaken for a whore. Happens all the time. That picture above looks like the cop is taking some, uh, liberties with her. Poor thing.

-Max has been driving his limo around all night and ends up picking up his ex and his ex's new boyfriend. He dumped the guy last Valentine's Day but still misses him. Awww. So Max makes a grand gesture (lots of candles and a carriage ride) and gets the guy. Awww!

- While all this is happening, Dave is afraid the girl he's been having crazy sex with is ready to dump him too but is waiting to be out of the breakup window herself. She's not and in fact was going to surprise him with a threesome for Valentine's Day. He screws it up, of course, so no threesome for Dave this year.

Glee (but no New Girl or Raising Hope) Didja watch?

2012-02-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

Soooo, yeah, I watched Glee but then flipped channels to watch The River. Heh, I feel like every time I hear, say or type "The River" there should be a creepy "Oooooo" behind it. But now is not the time to talk about The River (Ooooooo). No, now is the time to be filled with Glee. I wonder what the Spanish word for "glee" is. Anyone?

Didja watch Glee "The Spanish Teacher?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Ricky Martin!!! He's sexy and he knows it but I'll get to that.

- This episode could have also been titled, "The One Where the Writers Remember Schue has an actual teaching job at McKinley High. He is way out of touch and someone has lodged a complaint. In order to get the coveted tenure position he must work a bit harder. Principal Figgins suggestion? LEARN SPANISH! Wow. So Schue goes to a night class taught by uber-sexy Ricky Martin. Ricky's character, David, used to be a teeth model but wanted more for his life so he got a job teaching a Spanish night class.

- Sue tries to convince the guys to sell their, uh, product at the local sperm bank because she didn't like the looks of the losers who were there. She's on the hunt for a decent donor and asks Schue! But she hates him! She later explains to Emma that she admires his ability to be a good guy and remain eternally optimistic no matter how awful she is to him. Nene Leakes is back and is on Sue's case about the Cheerios and then about being a mother.

- Having been inspired by a Spanish teacher who can actually speak Spanish, Schue decides to make it "Latin Week" and tells the kids they need to find song choices in Spanish, or written by a Spanish artist or translated or something. Ricky shows up to get things going and sings a Spanglish version of "Sexy and I Know It." I downloaded it.

- Mercedes and Sam go to Emma for some help. She feels guilty for kissing Sam and they need some advice. Emma whips out one of her new pamphlets and tells them to spend a week apart with no communication. After the week they'll have a better grasp on their true feelings for one another. After a chat with Rachel and Kurt about Rachel's engagement to Finn, Mercedes singe "Don't Wanna Lose You" and I download it. The boys sing a mash-up of "Bamboleo/Hero" and it's forgettable. The song is. The weird, "Mexican hipster boots" and bolo ties are unforgettable in a very bad way.

- Will is busy trying to translate his song into Spanish and gets very short tempered with Emma and her pamphlets. I want to smack him but then I remember he makes everything about him and wonder why Emma doesn't remember this.

- Ricky's back and singing "La Isla Bonita" with Santana and I download it. They would have the hottest babies, y'all. Seriously.

- Then it's Schue's turn. He's in a matador get-up and is being backed by a mariachi band. He sings a Spanglish version of "A Little Less Conversation" and I do not download it. He even gets Brittany and Mike to dance around like bulls. It's strange. Santana agrees with me and calls him on all his lame Spanish stereotypes and total lack of passion for teaching anything besides the glee club. It's a good thing Emma is passionate about her pamphlets. One (Taint Misbehaving. Ew.) is so successful that boys in locker rooms all over the state of Ohio are learning how to wash their, uh, area.

- Schue hands his job as the Spanish teacher over to Ricky (it's just that easy in TVland) and applies for the position as the new history teacher. He watches the History Channel so I'm sure that'll go well. All I care about is that maybe Senor Hottie will be around more.

- Oh and Mercedes is happily reunited with Sam for about 15 seconds before she goes off to lunch with her actual boyfriend. Huh?

Are you watching An Idiot Abroad? You should be.

2012-02-07T16:03:00.000-08:00

The second season of An Idiot Abroad is airing on Science Channel (not to be confused with Syfy) and you should be watching. The background of the show is that Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, two of Britain's greatest comedy minds, have encouraged their friend/patsy, Karl, to leave England and experience all the world has to offer. If Karl had his way he'd never leave England. Ever. Prior to the show, the furthest he had gone was on holiday to Wales and that was it. Karl saw no point in leaving his country so Ricky and Stephen got the bright idea to send him abroad to see the wonders of the world. In the first season, Karl went to the Great Wall of China, the Taj Mahal, Chichen Itza, Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, and more. Along the way Ricky and Stephen forced Karl to culturally immerse himself in each country, bizarre customs and all. The poor guy was kidnapped in Israel! Sure, it was a training exercise but it was still scary. Karl was miserable the entire time and Ricky and Stephen enjoyed every minute of it. Their goal was to broaden Karl's horizons. It didn't really work. He just never got the concept of seeing things or having life experiences.

In the current season, Karl is picking items from other people's bucket list wishes. Swimming with dolphins, spending time on a desert island, driving Route 66 are just a few of the things he's doing. Since he's already experienced some travel, this season is less novel but no less uncomfortable for both Karl and the viewers.

The first season is available on DVD from Netflix or streaming on Amazon and I highly recommend it. If you have onDemand with your cable/satellite provider you can catch up with the current season's shows. And I highly recommend that too.

Wait, I need to sell this better. Karl is a dear, sweet, slightly dumb but mostly naive man. He puts up with Ricky's shenanigans, which border on cruel. Have I mentioned how miserable he ALWAYS is? While you may feel badly for him, you're also glad it's him and not you. Karl loves to share what he's thinking and feeling, which is lucky for us because based on his facial expressions you'd never know if he's confused or upset or both:

Ricky's so mean and I'm so glad. This show is pretty great.

Being Human, season 2

2012-02-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

"I Loathe You for Sentimental Reasons"

Did you know who you are doesn't go away? No matter how hard you try to change. This is an argument I've been making lately and the show confirmed it for me. I love validation, especially when it comes from a favorite television show. I think I need to get out more.

Anywhoodle, Aidan tries to hit up his blood supply from last week but she's just about tapped out. She promises to get him someone else. He spends part of the episode flashing back to the early part of the century. Back when he had to clean up for Suren a lot. Back when he rocked a pencil-thin porn-stache. He and Suren bickered a lot and it feels an awful lot like foreplay. In current times, she's brought home a skeezy, bald dude who want to be "made." In exchange for becoming a vamp he can offer things like fresh donors, politicians, and more. He even offers to help with the orphan vamp situation they still haven't cleaned up yet. Suren is on board immediately. Aidan wishes to be more careful this time around. Speaking of...we flashback again and meet a lovely chap named Henry. He's got stars in his eyes but is it for power or Suren or both? Back in the present, Aidan is still really hurting for a hit but won't stoop to feeding from a little girl (she was the other lady's idea. Ew.) Flashback again and he's in Suren's room, zipping up her dress. My favorite piece from Lakme is playing (you know the one...it's a duet that they use in car commercials, airline commercials, other commercials...) in the background and I forget to pay attention to what they're saying. Back in the present again and Aidan agrees to turn the bald dude. I guess he's really hungry. One last flashback and Suren is in bed with Henry. He gloats about getting the girl to Aidan who tries to stake him but Suren stops him. Back in the present (last time) and Aidan is going to town on the dude's neck. Suren joins in and the next thing you know, they're all bloodied up and making out/doing it:

Sally is still pushing Zoe the reincarnation nurse for a shot at jumping into a newborn. Zoe would rather she join a ghostie support group. A cute doc stops by to talk to Zoe but she gets all shy and tongue twisted. In order to keep herself occupied, Sally decides to play matchmaker and help Zoe get the cute doc. At ghostie group Sally runs into her old friend, Nick. They hit it off but he had this one flaw...he kept reliving his death over and over and over. After group Nick thanks Sally and says he's all better thanks to her. Sally thinks maybe she should give him another shot until she finds out that he and Zoe are kind of dating. Uh, how does that work? Nevermind, I don't want to know. Even worse she finds out that because of Zoe he's stopped the daily death do-overs (say that 3 times fast). Sally wonders why he couldn't achieve that when they were together and I do too. To soften her hurt she jumps into cute doc's girlfriend so she can make out with him.

In Josh land, he's met and helped out a pair of rich, wolf twins. Turns out they're purebreds and were not turned like he was. Huh. The wolf twins (who have ridiculous rich person first names that I didn't bother writing down) take Josh to a club in order to thank him properly for his help at the hospital (he sneaked male wolf out before the full moon). At the club the male proves his uber-hip status by snorting something in full view of the entire club. Josh, being raised to JUST. SAY. NO. goes to excuse himself but female wolf tells him it's just a little wolfie Xanax...you know, wolfsbane. The wolfsbane keeps the wolfie tendencies at bay so they can be a bit more normal (me thinks this is a clue to Josh's research). Speaking of the research, Josh gets their attention with mention of it and they want to see what he's got going on. He takes them to the storage unit (BTW, Nora is nowhere to be found in this ep) but soon finds out they want the exact opposite. Since they're purebreds they want to be wolfie all the time. Being human (get it?) is the unnatural part of their existence. They offer to throw money at Josh and his research and he reluctantly agrees. While leaving a message for Nora about the wolfie wonder twins we hear him saying they seem kinda cool but the camera cuts to them, in human form, tearing up what probably used to be a deer. Ew.

HIMYM and 2BG - Didja watch?

2012-02-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

Didja watch How I Met Your Mother "The Burning Beekeeper?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Martin Short!!! He's vegan (on the show, possibly in life) and someone at all the vegan snacks at Lily and Marshall's housewarming party. Ted gets blamed for the misunderstanding involving shredded carrots ad deceit.

- Barney loves his penis. He meets a divorcee and it doesn't go well. She's obsessed with Barney. And has cats.

- Then there's this whole thing with a big wheel of gouda but it was kind of lost on me.

- There are bees and Lily's father swears he can handle the situation. It ends with him (but not really him) in a beekeeper suit(?) engulfed in flames. Only in a switcheroo it's Martin Short in the suit. Also I'm unsure of Lily's outfit from this episode. It's a tight sweater over a long blouse over leggings or something:

- Oh and Robin screams at people a lot. The end.

Didja watch 2 Broke Girls "And the Blind Spot?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Oleg giving Sophie his best shot. He calls her a "super-sized Victoria's Secret Angel" and I think that's pretty close to accurate. She handles him quite well and he slinks away.

- Max and Caroline want to earn some extra $ for their cupcake website so they decide to do some cleaning for Sophie's business...Sophie's Choice. Heh. If I had to choose it'd be Max all the way but that's neither here nor there.

- The first apartment they clean is for a guy who does husky modeling. He has the biggest toilet I've ever seen. Caroline flushes an entire roll paper towels down in when cleaning. And she floods the bathroom.

- The next apartment they clean is for another model but this guy is more the Abercrombie & Fitch type. They think he's dead but really he just OD'd. Luckily for him, Caroline saves his life (thanks to her experience saving a friend of hers who was always ODing). The end.

A Man, A Plan, A Canal, and a Bunch of Idiots: The Bachelor in Panama

2012-02-07T12:37:00.000-08:00

Bachelor Ben and his brain trust did Panama City last night, marveling at how "developed" it was, and wishing to do something "cultural," which turned out to be visiting a village in the rain forest, dressing in native garb, and painting tribal tattoos on each other.

And of course, there was alcohol.

Can't make this shit up. My supplementary rose ceremony follows:

The I'd Prefer Wilson the Volleyball Rose: Kacie B. She and BB spent their one-on-one date "abandoned" on a "deserted island." Let me assure you, after watching them try to catch a fish and wrangle a coconut, these two wouldn't last forty-five minutes in the wild.

Apparently it's a deserted island with complementary champagne and flutes.

The highlight? The way BB pronounced machete: "ma-CHET-tay." After a bunch of tortuous metaphors about how you have to "work together" and "be there for each other" in a relationship, he gave KB a rose because she opened up to him about her eating disorder in high school.

The This Ain't Mardi Gras Rose: Though if it were, BB would have given Courtneythemodel his beads. At the aforementioned village, Courtneythemodel decided she would forego wearing a bathing suit under her beaded top, necessitating a pretty hilarious black bar over her bosom for the entirety of the group date. She also insisted on shaking her stuff at every opportunity, rendering last week's comment about Blakeley a bit of the skank calling the stripper slutty.

Winning.

Though he spent most of the night looking at Courtneythemodel like a cartoon character

Except with less dignity than this.

the rose went to Lindzi. No one is sure why.

The Dancing with the Bitches Rose: The unfortunately named "two-on-one date" happened this weekend. In this corner: Manic Blakeley and the stalker scrapbook she has been constructing for BB.

Oh yes she did.

In this corner, Rachel, red in tooth and claw.

It was painful.

After a salsa lesson and dinner fraught with backstabbing, BB sent Blakeley and her craft project home. She sobbed. Rachel pulled her best Courtneythemodel imitation and danced on her rival's grave.

Still the Baddest Ass on this Show Rose: Chris Harrison, who uncovered a commitment-phobe in Kasey S.'s closet. Turns out she's still in love with some dude named Michael who's just not that into her. BB sent her back to the States, and she wailed in the limo, mainly about how Michael still didn't want to marry her.

She cried.

And cried.

And CRIED. Harrison remained unmoved.

The Most Improved Rose: "PhD student" Emily, who made a minor funny during the cocktail party, and managed to only splutter out 2-3 sentences about Courtneythemodel.

Though her rap was lame, she did rhyme "jungle" with "fungal," which I appreciated.

The Get the Hook Rose: In what was quite possibly the most awkward encounter of the season so far, Jamie ripped her dress straddling BB,

Probably want to leave that move to Blakeley.

kissed him (for the first time), deemed their kiss a failure, and proceeded to give him step-by-step instructions on how to kiss her again, while she was kissing him.

She is explaining open vs. closed mouth technique. It was excruciating.

In a surprise to no one, she went home.

Next week: Belize. And dare I even hope it? It seems Courtneythemodel's stock might be dropping faster than she drops her clothes.

A Very Special Trailer Park - The Amazing Spider-Man

2012-02-07T04:16:00.000-08:00

How am I supposed to wait until July?

The Woman in Black

2012-02-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

The Woman in Black
Stars: DanRad!

I have two complaints about this movie and even though they're inconsequential, I'm still going to share them. The first is that the story was nothing new. In fact it was quite easy to figure out what was going on pretty quickly. The second is a matter of believability and I'll get to that in a minute. I will say that I jumped multiple times and at one point realized I was gripping my arm rest. That's a good thing. Even though I knew something was coming they still managed to scare me. So in that respect I was quite pleased with the movie.

The movie opened with three ginger girls having a tea party with their dolls. Three ginger girls mean one of two things: 1) they aren't long for this world or 2) they are the source of all evil. I'm naturally a ginger (though I cover it up) so I can say these things with great conviction. I'm not going to tell you the fate of the ginger girls in case you do see the movie.

So the deal is: DanRad's wife is dead, he has a 4-year old son, and is late on paying some bills. His boss sends him to a tiny, creepy corner of England to go through a dead lady's paperwork. The townspeople don't want him there but won't tell him why. He befriends Mr. Daily (played by Ciaran Hinds), the only wealthy and sane man in the county. Mr. Daily has had his share of heartbreak but understands DanRad (whose character does have a name -Arthur- but DanRad is so much better) is there to do his job. This is something the villagers don't seem to understand. Instead of helping him do his job quickly and without incident they just blame him for everything. DanRad heads out to the dead lady's house and it's a creepy house. It's a dark, creepy, haunted house. Oooo! He sees things and hears things but can't be chased off. Daily drops him at the house one day and leaves him with two things, his dog (for company) and the wise advice, "Don't chase shadows." So what does DanRad do? He chases shadows. LIKE THE ENTIRE TIME! I was stressed that the dog wasn't going to make it. But...*SPOILER ALERT*...he did. DanRad thinks he knows what the ghost wants and how to satisfy it. Does it work? Well you'll just have to see the movie.

DanRad did a good job but his casting in the movie was my second big complaint. I can't believe him as a father. Totally not his fault and he was cute with the kid but it just didn't sit right with me.

The kid's hair was less ginger in the movie than this screencap.

If you go to the movie don't have high expectations and you'll be pleased. I am not a fan of torture porn or those found-footage movies (though I am interested in the new show The River) but I am a fan of scary movies. This one scared me. The scares were kind of obvious and forced at times but they worked. Oh and if you do go see it I want to share something funny with you:

The actress on the left, the incredibly talented Janet McTeer, is 6'1". DanRad is not. Of course this doesn't make me love him any less.

The Morning After Downton Abbey: A Mysterious Visitor

2012-02-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

Welcome back my lords and ladies, my butlers and housemaids, to Downton,where the end of a war does nothing to end the drama! Spoilers for last night's episode ahead!

The Dowager Countess, puppet master extraordinaire. Starting off with Violet, because she's my favorite. Aghast at Isobel's plans to turn the Abbey into basically a public house after the war's conclusion, she conspires with Cora to direct Mrs. Crawford's good intentions elsewhere, giving rise to Violet's quote of the week. In response to Cora's observation that Isobel insists on martyrdom she notes,
"We must tempt her with a more enticing scaffold."

That is her fabulous thinking cap.

The scaffold in question? Work with war refugees.

The Canadian Patient. The big story this week is a new addition to Downton's convalescent home, a man burned beyond recognition and boasting a shady backstory.

If it's Ralph Fiennes under there, I'm going to lose my shit.

This dude claims to be none other than Patrick, the long-lost and assumed drowned with Leo on the Titanic Grantham heir! He tells a tale of a serendipitous rescue from the freezing Atlantic waters, a bout with amnesia in Canada, and a miraculous restoration of his memories when he got blown up in battle. Edith believes him (perhaps because she was so in love with Patrick?); Mary, not so much. He disappears at the end of the episode, leaving the family (Matthew especially) unsure as to the estate's status. Me? I don't trust this ersatz Patrick.

Martyrdom must run in the family. Speaking of Matthew, he's not exactly bouncing right back from traumatic spinal injury. He mopes around Downton, never missing an opportunity to remind everyone that he will "never be a proper man."

Also, Lavinia is back. Bleh.

Engaged to the enemy. In addition to acting very new money by vowing to install central heating in his new home with Mary and trying to poach Carson, Sir Richard is also doing his best impression of Marky Mark from Fear. He offers Anna extra money to report back to him on Lady Mary's comings and goings, reveals that if Matthew weren't paralyzed and engaged he wouldn't let her "anywhere near him," brings Lavinia back to interrupt their contact, and gives Mary a very creepy "don't cross me" speech/kiss outside the kitchens.

He's about to reveal his "Lady Mary 4-Evah" tattoo.

This can't be the end of that. Batesie needs to stop talking. After his comment to his Lordship that he wishes his wife were "the late" Mrs. Bates and a last, unwitnessed, confrontation between the two, he turns up scratched and she turns up dead.

Doesn't seem suspicious AT ALL.

Baby Mama Drama. Carson catches Mrs. Hughes sneaking food to Ethel, and is pretty mean and unforgiving towards the latter.

Judge much, Cheerful Charlie?

Also, Major Bryant is . . . . DEAD.

Forbidden Love (part 1). Is it just me, or is New Maid Jane making eyes at Lord Grantham?

She's offering more than a plate of fruit, methinks.

Forbidden Love (part 2). I suspect Lady Sybil is only toying with my working class hero Branson, but she did elicit this swoon-worthy vow from him: "I'd wait forever."

The rolled-up sleeves? Into it.

War is over, if you want it. Armistice Day is celebrated at Downton with a prayer . . . and a miracle?

Matthew might have felt a twinge. I might have felt a miraculous healing coming on.

"I've Got You Under My Skin" (Angel 1.14): The Bad Seed

2012-02-05T13:38:00.000-08:00

Continuing its pattern of "every other episode is pretty good," Angel almost erases the memories of Bai Ling with this monster of the week episode with series-long implications. How goes the Angel guide to DIY Exorcisms for Dummies?

And surviving really awkward dinner parties.

DO bring along someone who sounds good speaking Latin. And Wesley fits the bill. When Cordy's migraine-a-gram bring Wes and Angel to an unassuming house . . . with locks on the kids' doors and bars on the windows, the detecting duo deduce that someone in the house is possessed, Sherlock and Holmes style.

Though neither Sherlock nor Holmes ever deduced anything through discovering demon excrement.

Good money is on the domineering dad, but a clever additive to Cordelia's brownies at the above mentioned awkward dinner party identify Ryan, the son, as housing an Ethros demon, necessitating an at-home exorcism sans priest. I would certainly do anything Wesley told me to in that lovely accented Latin, but the demon isn't as easily manipulated.

DON'T forget that demons always bring up your daddy issues! Exorcists always go head-to-head with the devils within saying they're prepared, and then are always shaken when the dark ones bring up family trauma!

What happens when you let a demon get the better of you.

Wesley is no exception, but his failure does accomplish two things: 1) Introduces a new complication to Wes's character; and 2) Gives us my favorite trope: Angel burning himself on a cross.

It might actually be the kid burning. Whatever. I'm using my imagination.

DO realize that some kids are just plain bad. In a clever twist, it turns out that the demon was the one being tormented by the evil and sadistic soul of the kid! Yikes, show!

Guess the proto-Bieber hairdo should have been a giveaway.

Even post-exorcism, Ryan is immediately back to his firebug ways, trying to burn his sister alive. The last we see of him, he's being taken away by boring Kate.

As my intrepid co-watcher Jenn mentioned, this episode stands alone, but also introduces the all-important element of the importance of family, particularly patriarchs. This theme is always crucial in the Whedonverse, but will take a new twist when Angel has to struggle to protect and preserve his family, much like the dad in this episode.

See you next week for Whedonverse Weekend with Buffy and Angel. Will we get two good episodes of Angel in a row?

Hey Girl, Why doesn't the Academy love me like I love you?

2012-02-04T14:57:00.000-08:00

Figure freaking A.

All right, now I'm pissed. By my reckoning, the Academy owes Ryan Gosling four nominations and counting. Since 2006's Half Nelson (for which he was nominated), he has appeared in Lars and the Real Girl and Blue Valentine, not to mention Ides of March and Drive this year alone. What's up, Oscars? Gosling too pretty for you?

Actually, I think that's part of the problem. Actors like Robert Redford, Brad Pitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio had a hard time being taken seriously until they got older, and they shared the same sort of ethereal beauty of face (rather than the more rugged handsomeness of a young Paul Newman or Marlon Brando) currently displayed by the thirty-one-year-old Gosling [see Figure A]. But this isn't a gushing tribute to the flawless planes of Ryan Gosling's face, this is a rant, and I think that what he does with that face (and that body) is more interesting than anything Redford, Pitt, or DiCaprio did, or are doing, with their pulchritudinous gifts from a generous god.

Gosling acts with an awareness of his physical self that I haven't seen matched since the early work of Al Pacino. It's not just that he's cognizant of his remarkable good looks, but more so that his performances are saturated with the way human beings communicate through their bodies and faces. A good point of comparison is another actor with a face that makes one question agnosticism: George Clooney. Clooney (also a good bit older than Gosling) takes roles in which his handsomeness is crucial to his character, but also an obstacle to that character's self-actualization. His roles in Up in the Air, Michael Clayton, and even The Descendants are all men who in some ways have been blessed with a disarming physical presence that allows them to get away with things that mere mortals cannot, and each character's arc is in some ways a reckoning with that cosmic Get Out of Jail Free card. Ryan Gosling doesn't choose those same sorts of roles, nor does he make his handsomeness a grotesque mask, as Brad Pitt did in Twelve Monkeys, or even, in a way, Fight Club.

Rather, he shows a remarkable capacity for hollowing out his features, giving his face and body a studied blankness that is shaped and formed by the role he's playing as he's playing it. This is most apparent in Blue Valentine, where his character ages from a cute kid to a slightly gone-to-seed man, but it also happens in his latest stand-out performances: Ides of March and Drive. I've gone to bat for Ides already, so let me focus on the latter. The man he plays in Drive has no stable signifiers whatsoever: He hardly speaks, he has no steady occupation, no personal history, no name for heaven's sake. Our connection with the character depends entirely on Ryan Gosling's physical self, and he pulls it off. A widening of the eyes, a tilting of the head, a clenching of the fist. These gestures flesh out (pun intended) the development and inner life of a character who does not, to put it mildly, always act in a sympathetic manner, and who is portrayed as at least part machine.

This sort of thing isn't easy, Academy! I know Ryan Gosling is prettier than the law allows, but it's time he won something other than a MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss. Though I will admit I enjoyed his acceptance of that honor a great deal.

"Goodbye Iowa" (Buffy 4.14): Try to make him go to rehab . . .

2012-02-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

Riley says, "no, no, no." This episode is where Mamma Maggie's dirty deeds get their full airing. The Initiative can't be trusted, and they all know where Buffy lives. Plus, Adam is on the loose, doing his best impression of the Creature from Frankenstein. So it's time for the Buffy guide to going to the mattresses in Xander's Hideaway, or, as Spike terms it, squatting in a dank hole.

Giles deserves better.

DON'T forget where Spike is on his road to Scoobification. After being saved from the Initiative last episode, one might think Spike would be firmly on Team Buffy. One would be wrong. After a reprise of his "friend of Xandrrrr's" cover story, Spike admits and reaffirms his badness, and gives Riley one of these:

regarding his possible plans to kill the Slayer.

DO make sure Xander has your back. For once, I come not to bury Xander, but to praise him. Readers of this space know that Xander is my best frenemy. His petty jealousy and tendency to believe he operates in a consequence-free zone make my ass twitch. However, as quickly as he hates and mistrusts any man Buffy is involved with, he unquestioningly backs her up twice as fast. As Riley found out when he busted into Giles's flat.

Xand's "nobody puts Buffy in a corner. . . or tries to kill her" face.

DON'T underestimate Maggie Walsh's monomania. As it turns out, not only has Mags been creating an unholy cyborg from an amalgamation of demon parts, she's also been doping her boys.

Pictured: Riley strung-out.

Pictured: Graham strung-out. Need I even say it? Team Graham.

Riley spends most of the episode doing his impression of a clammy, shaky Johnny Cash before he detoxed with June.

Of course, Joaquin made the DTs look good.

As my intrepid co-watcher Jenn points out, only when Riley is off his "vitamins" does he start to ask questions, but they're the wrong questions. Rather than showing the kind of curiosity that solves problems, he instead wants to know why Buffy isn't following the rules (by harboring hostiles). So begins Riley's journey to the literal and figurative House of Suck.

DO brush up on your 19th century British literature classics. Speaking of self-awareness, the Adam arc is a clever repetition of Frankenstein with a difference. We have the amalgamation of dead parts given life and hyperarticulate consciousness but no moral instruction, along with the crucial addition of mechanization. Where Adam's heart should be resides a disc drive.

Hey, remember floppies?

Not only does this date the episode in terms of tech, it also furthers the mistrust of technology that shrouds the Initiative. Whereas Frankenstein's monster kills a young boy for revenge--a motivation that is deeply tied to human feeling--Adam dismembers a child to see how he "works." Unlike Scorsese's Hugo, the season posits that combining man with machine is a disaster. The drugs taken by the Initiative are an attempt to mechanize them--to make their bodies stronger, more resilient, and less human--which makes Riley a brother to Adam, no matter how much he might deny it.

Jenn commented that Buffy shows genuine self-awareness in this episode, realizing the ridiculousness of mustering the forces in her sushi pjs, for example, and Adam wants to achieve self-awareness, seeking "not what I am, but who I am." Which in turn made me think that perhaps Buffy and Adam are twinned in this Big Bad arc--Adam again representing, in LOTR shorthand, the military-industrial hellscape of Isengard, and Buffy the humor-filled communal space of the Shire. I'm telling you, co-watcher, there's an article here.

Oh, and since I haven't mentioned Tara in a while: Here's a little scene that won't get its payoff until one of the three episodes I like in season 5.

30 Rock and Parks & Recreation - Didja watch?

2012-02-03T10:34:00.000-08:00

Didja watch 30 Rock "Today You Are A Man?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Liz trying to out-Jack Jack. Except Jack would never wear a bright red watch.

- Liz's contract is up for renegotiation and she decides to handle it herself. In order to stand up to Jack she takes pointers from the best...Jack himself. She studies a seminar he did 10 years ago and uses all his tips. Jack is thrilled he can finally go up against a worthy competitor. HIMSELF! He even calls it a "Jack Off." Heh.

- Tracy and Jenna get roped into appearing at their accountant's son's bar mitzvah. He wanted Transformers! Tracy and Jenna are stuck if they want to stay on the good side of the IRS so they try to figure out how to best please the kid and actually make the day about him and not themselves.

- Kenneth is still dealing with the fallout from Jack's decision to cut the page program. Too bad no one at TGS noticed he was gone for a whole day. In order to get them to appreciate him he switches duties with another page (KRISTEN SCHAAL!) and takes on her duties at Suze Orman's show. Suze verbally smacks some sense into Kenneth (not an easy feat) and tells him he needs a better job. He takes her advice and goes to Jack about other career opportunities.

- Liz is almost able to out-Jack Jack but he gives in and lets her win. It's very cute that he values their friendship so much.

Didja watch Parks and Recreation "Operation Ann?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Valentines Day in Pawnee! Leslie is out with her girlfriends for their annual Gal-entine's celebration. She'd enjoy it more if poor Ann had someone to love!

- Leslie is on a mission to find Ann a date for Pawnee's community Valentine's dance. But before that she and Ben exchange gifts. He had a Yachter Otter made for her, which is based on a dream she had about a playboy otter who was lost at sea. It's adorable. She gives him clues to a scavenger hunt. Poor guy.

- Chris is still bummed about being dumped by his girlfriend and is also the DJ at the dance. All he's playing is depressing music and no one can get him out of his funk. Well, until Leslie talks to him. She reminds him of how good he had it with Ann and this cheers him up.

- Leslie tasked April and Tom with finding Ann a date and they come up empty too. Useless Jerry unknowingly brings a gigolo from Craigslist! It's a good thing Tom is able to make Ann laugh about the whole thing.

- Ron and Andy help Ben with his scavenger hunt. Apparently they've found another thing Ron loves and is quite good at. At one point they end up at the snow globe museum where they run into Martin Starr! He's less than helpful but it doesn't matter. It's Martin Starr!

- At the end Leslie sees Ann freshening up her makeup and assumes she and Chris have rekindled their relationship. She and Ben are about to have their date but both are determined to expose Ann and Chris. Turns out they find Ann on a date with Tom instead! Whoa. And April set it up! Double Whoa.

"She" (Angel 1.13): Bai Ling strikes again and Angel dances

2012-02-03T07:45:00.000-08:00

Or, more accurately, for the first time. Remember how a few weeks ago this space was all about how awesome Jeremy Renner's guest-spot on Angel was? Well, this post is like the opposite of that. As Lost-ies know, Bai Ling is the kryptonite of guest stars. She was the driving force behind the episode of Lost that for once and always drained Jack's tattoo of any potential badassery and permanently replaced it with associations of awful acting and half-baked writing. That episode is the crappy tattoo on Lost's soul. And her appearance on Angel is no different.

Crappy tattoos are apparently the constant.

So without further ado, the Angel guide to overcoming a guest-spot from Bai Ling.

DO open the show with priceless footage of Angel dancing.

It's all about the clapping.

Hold on to the hilarity, folks. The dancing scene is the only reason to ever watch this monster of a monster of the week episode.

DON'T let the script's facile feminist parable overwhelm the audience's fond but fading memory of Angel dancing.
I expect better from you, David Greenwalt and Marti Noxon. Bai Ling plays an alien who is running a sort of anti-human-trafficking ring from her home dimension to Earth. You see, women are OPPRESSED back on Oden Tal, and Princess Bai Ling has taken it upon herself to rescue the women before they are enslaved by the men.

I minored in Gender Studies, and I could care less about the plight of these women.

This enslavement is painfully (pun intended) literal, with the women being "broken" by the removal of this weirdo spine thing that glows when they're, ahem, aroused, and is hard to control, causing some unfortunate humans to get burned alive, which is what got Angel into this mess in the first place.

Metaphor alert.

Is it a correlative for FGM? Social manipulation? Whatever it's supposed to be, what it is is Bai Ling with a lady boner. God. Need a palate cleanser?

DO make the show all about the extras. The best moments of this episode have nothing to do with the plot. We have Angel fumbling around with a cell phone and giving an impromptu lecture on art history, during which he admits to knowing Baudelaire.

This was Jenn's favorite part. Well, second favorite part, after the dancing. Of course.

DO get out as quickly and painlessly as you can.
So Angel and Bai Ling form an uneasy and unfortunately sexually-tinged alliance, and Angel saves a bunch of women on ice,

Literally. Don't tell me you're surprised.

one of whom Wesley tries to flirt with. As if knowing what a half-assed effort this was, the producers wisely concluded the episode by overlaying the end credits with this montage of Angel, with bonus Wesley, dropping it like it's hot.

"The I in Team" (Buffy 4.13): Dr. Walsh likes to watch

2012-02-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

And the Whedonverse responds with a collective: "Ew."

This episode has Maggie revealing her true, sociopathic colors, and we get Adam's big reveal, whom Maggie refers to as "our baby" (paging Dr. Freud, incident #1). Before commencing, I would like to register my annoyance with how the Initiative is incorporated into the Buffyverse. Where have they been for the previous three years? Do they just not work the high school or the cemetery? In any case, they're interested in recruiting The Slayer, now that they know she's not a demon boogeyman. As Buffy and the Initiative get more serious, so do Buffy and Riley, resulting in this week's big old DON'T.

Buffy, DON'T be That Girl. You know, the one who ditches her best friends to hang out with some dude.

Because it makes you intolerable. Buffy spends most of the episode blowing off Teen Witch and the Slayerettes (as Spike refers to Willow, Xander, and Anya). She's too busy eyeballing Riley eating a Twinkie (paging Dr. Freud, incident #2) to listen to Willow,

Mooney-eyed staring does not become you.

and she brings the Initiative-ettes to a Scoobies-Only event at The Bronze. Even her apology makes my skin crawl, saying she's sorry for the "late-itude," and cops to busting up the reunion as "my total bad." Barf.

Not a fan of the pouting, either.

Because you might not notice that his friends kind of suck. Forest, Riley's second, is plenty annoying in this episode, giving Buffy the stink-eye at every opportunity, and whining about how close she has gotten to his commander.

What are you, five years old?

I would like to take this moment to invoke the Graham Exception, however. Graham is kind of awesome. He's cuter than Riley, nicer than Forest, and acts like a human being for forty-three straight minutes.

Exhibit A: He thinks Buffy's questions before she joins the Initiative on a hunt are sort of funny. Forest looks constipated.

Exhibit B: Graham looks normal and cool in his civvies. Forest is wearing peg-legged pants and what appear to be butt-shaping shoes, and Riley is sporting his signature glaring-white sneakers.

Exhibit C: The jawline.

Buffy should be dating Graham. So should Anya, as Xander's constant paternalistic censoring of her began to wear on me this episode. So should I. Team Graham.

Because you probably don't know him that well. But we do. After their "we're done fighting so let's bang" cross-cutting scene, there's some pretty revealing pillow talk.

If you can swallow down the bile long enough to pay attention.

Let me quote my intrepid co-watcher Jenn in full: "The post-coitus scene between Riley and Buffy re: questioning authority --> this highlights a MAJOR philosophical difference between the two characters that will be problematic not only in the next episode(s) but throughout their entire relationship as well. It really raises questions about Riley's stance on moral responsibility. If he isn't interested in finding out what's behind the Initiative's research on "sub-terrestrials," then how far is he willing to go to fight something that's different? Anya's anxiety about being an ex-demon is quite warranted if everyone's like Riley and willing to blindly follow orders. I know he changes, but still that willingness to not-question is problematic...."

Well said, sister.

Because his parents might be weird and overbearing. Again, I give you this.

Sorry.

Note that her expression watching Buffy and Riley bone via the surveillance she set up in his dorm room is identical to the one she wears while watching Buffy fight the two demons she sent her in against unarmed in an ill-conceived attempt to have her killed (paging Dr. Freud, incident #3).

Exactly the same, amiright?

Of course, it doesn't work, and Buffy, realizing the mission was a trap, is back in bad-ass mode, which is just how we like her. Riley saw too, and flies the military-industrial nest, leaving Maggie to scream after him in despair (paging Dr. Freud, incident #4).

This scene was fairly rad.

The episode ends with Adam coming to consciousness . . . and immediately skewering Mamma Maggie with a big, phallic, spike (paging Dr. Freud, incident #5).

RIP: Dr. Maggie Walsh . . . for now.

You really were pretty much a mega-bitch.

We're left with Buffy returning to the Scoobies, hat in hand, and Riley with his loyalties all in a wad. Jenn and I are steamrolling towards the end of the season, and it's still rocking the mic right.

Today in Pop Culture History:

2012-02-02T08:18:00.000-08:00

Depends Who You Ask:

2 February 1993: Bing! Pittsburgh weatherman Phil Connors had a series of interesting days on this date in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, leading to unbridled hedonism, suicidal ideation, and suspicions that he might be "a" God, though probably not "the" God.

Glee, New Girl and Raising Hope - Didja watch?

2012-02-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

Didja watch Glee "Michael?" If you had you woulda seen:

- Lotsa love for MJ. Don't shoot me but I thought they went waaaayyyy overboard with their adoration. Listen I love the man's music and think he was incredibly talented. However, it was just a bit too much last night.

- So they decide in order to give MJ his full props they're Regionals set list will be all MJ. This gets Blaine singing "Wanna Be Starting Something" and everyone joins in. I miss Blaine when they don't use him (like last week).

- It's been three days and Rachel still hasn't given Finn an answer to his proposal and rightly so. So much changes from high school to college that there's no reason to rush into something like that. This brings us to the gang sitting around sharing their Michael memories. Rachel has none and never connected with him the way everyone else did. Enter icky Warbler dude, Sebastian. They're first up at Regionals and that means they can do a full MJ set list before the McKinley kids get up to sing. Apparently Blaine spilled to him that very morning. Uh, why does Blaine talk to him so much? He's awful.

- So the lesson for the week is WWMJD? It's agreed that he'd fight back. He'd take it to the streets. So they challenge the Warblers to a "Bad" off. I don't love it. It already wasn't as tough a song as it was intended and the Glee situation just takes away any cred it had. This rumble in a parking garage seems less threatening than West Side Story. That is until they spike a slushie and are about to nail Kurt with it but Blaine takes the hit for him. He's writhing on the ground in pain. That's not good. Turns out Blaine's going to need eye surgery because there was something in the slushie but they can't prove it. Artie's so pissed he rises out of his wheelchair and steps into the "Scream" video with Mike.

- Rachel goes to Quinn for help with the Finn situation and Quinn shares some news of her own...she got into Yale. Her point is that she's leaving all her men (and troubles) behind to have a shot at a happy and successful future. Rachel should do the same. Quinn sings "Never Can Say Goodbye" and I love it. They should use her more too.

- Kurt and Santana talk about getting back at Icky Warbler and Santana has some great tattoo ideas for Sebastian. Instead they decide to take the high road and beat him in the honorable way. I'm sure this means much more singing.

- Our only moment with Sam and Mercedes consists of him making a grand gesture (putting her name in lights) and then requesting to duet with her. After this he'll let her go back to Shane. They sing "Human Nature" and I sing along. I like the way all three of us sound together. She kisses him and this will definitely lead to trouble ahead.

-Kurt's dad comes to the school with a letter from NYATA saying Kurt's a finalist. His dad is so very proud of him and I'm so very happy for them. It's too bad Rachel hasn't gotten any sort of letter. Without NYATA she has no plans for her future and realizes that Finn is it for her. All three go to visit Blaine who is rockin' an eye patch. They sing "Ben" to him and it's nice but makes me think of rats (thanks to Crispin Glover and the movie Willard).

- Santana is somewhere with the Warblers and they duel to "Smooth Criminal" again lessening the impact of the song. It's supremely goofy the way they try to be all tough through it. She does get Icky Warbler to admit that he put rock salt in the slushie. Yikes. It's a good thing she had a recorder taped to her underboob (a word she says 2x).

- Finn sings "I Just Can't Stop Loving You" to Rachel who joins in. The song ends and Rachel says, "Yes." I love her dress in this scene and wonder if it's in my size somewhere.

- I'm growing quite weary of Icky and his Warblers who have been invited to the auditorium to hear McKinley's rendition of "Black or White." It's fine but the part I liked most was that they did the fun morph thing from the original video. The Warblers, except for Icky, all join in and try to get him to be a non-icky person. It doesn't work so Santana takes the opportunity to expose him and his rock salt to the rest of the Warblers.

- Rachel's NYATA letter finally arrives and she's a finalist too! Interesting that she went to Kurt with the news before telling her fiance, Finn.

Didja watch New Girl "Jess and Julia?" If you had you woulda seen:

- A lot of Schmidt getting out of the shower. There's this whole thing about his towel always being damp and he complains about it the entire episode until he realizes he's been using Nick's towel all along. Also, Nick never washes that towel. Ew. Boys.

- Nick's lady-friend (not girlfriend because they don't do labels), Julia has been sleeping over lots and doesn't seem to connect with Jess. Jess sees this as a challenge especially because Julia is going to try to help her out of a ticket. Nick swears she's just a straight shooter but it comes out that she's just as neurotic as everyone else. By the end of the episode she's crocheting with Jess, Cece and their lesbian gyno friend and all is well. Oh and she and Nick take on the label of girlfriend and boyfriend. Awww.

- Winston is having no luck with the ladies and realizes that since he's no longer a basketball player, he's got NO GAME. He calls up an old flame and is clueless that he only treated her as a booty call. Through some Jess intervention he figures out how to talk to women and things go well when he apologizes to her about his past behavior. I guess she'll be around for a little while.

Didja watch Raising Hope "Gambling Again?" If you had you woulda seen:

- A musical about Hillary Rodham Clinton starring babies, dogs and geriatric folks. There were two awesome things about this: 1) Baby Hope in a red pants suit and Hillary wig and 2) the humping dog being cast as Bill Clinton. Ha!

- The Chances all struggle with gambling and get cut off by the local bookie, "Big Judy" who runs the pawn shop. I'm sure she's a lovely person and she was hilarious on the episode with all her diabetes jokes but the woman has one of the biggest heads I've ever seen. Anyway after being cut off, they're forced to place bets on an elementary school gym class. The Chances do pretty well but are so distracted that they miss Hope's play. They walk away from it (before the hilarious harness race-kids in wheelchairs being pulled by other kids) and learn their lesson of the week. They see the musical anyway and are quite proud of the adorable Hope. Meanwhile...I WANTED TO SEE THE HARNESS RACE!!!

The Bachelor got nekkid, y'all

2012-01-31T13:01:00.000-08:00

Though it wasn't so much hot as deeply, deeply sad, since he did it (pun probably intended) with Courtneythemodel.

Keep it classy, The Bachelor

She continues to offend on almost every level, rationalizing her birthday-suited bogarting of BB by pontificating that he had "probably never gone skinny dipping with a model." And isn't that everyone's fondest wish?

Don't answer that.

So who else embarrassed themselves and their country last night while The Bachelor was in Puerto Rico?

The Creeper Rose: BB and Nicki. After their one-on-one date got rained out and they had to buy new clothes,

Apparently from the wardrobe castoffs of the Buena Vista Social Club

they made their way to a church where someone who had never been on this show was getting married. So they stayed and watched. And watched. And stood up to get a better view. Then BB had the sensitivity and good manners to ask the divorced Nicki if she hated to watch weddings now.

The "On behalf of America, I apologize" Rose: Roberto Clemente. Clemente, an all-star baseball player and human being, died in a tragic plane accident delivering food aid to earthquake victims in Nicaragua.

Pictured: Someone who would never be on The Bachelor.

His native Puerto Rico erected a baseball stadium in his honor. I don't think they had a Bachelorette-on-Bachelorette baseball game with the winners getting a romantic beach date with BB in mind.

One team won, the other team cried, Kacie B got the rose. She's now my new favorite, for the sole reason that she has curly hair.

That's where we're at, people.

The I Still Hate You, but That Was Damn Funny Rose: Courtneythemodel. When watching "VIP Cocktail Waitress" Blakeley dominate the diamond, Courtneythemodel remarked, "Who knew strippers could play baseball."

Which begs the question, what do strippers use for rally caps?

The "He can smell the desperate" Rose: Elyse. The personal trainer finally got her one-on-one date, on which she shared sentiments like "I gave up my job and skipped my best friend's wedding to be on this show"; "Let's just get married now on this boat"; "I'm so sick of being single"; "I'm ready to be engaged." BB recoiled visibly, and sent her home sans rose. Her tearful farewell? "I don't know what I did wrong." Really?

I certainly know what BB did wrong. Look at those pants!

The For God's Sake, Let It Go Rose: "PhD student" Emily. She used her one-on-one time at the cocktail party to tell BB she regretted talking smack about Courtneythemodel the previous week. She decided the best way to communicate this apology was by talking more smack about Courtneythemodel. BB told her to "tread carefully."

Who are you, the friggin' Godfather?

And who went home? Jennifer! The one girl I liked, and BB seemed to. Just goes to show you, every bitch on this show is just one Rose Ceremony away from an ugly cry in the backseat of a limo.

So much for being the best kisser.

Next week? Panama City. At least BB has the perfect outfit.

Being Human

2012-01-31T12:13:00.000-08:00

"All Out of Blood" and so lost without you...

We open with Josh giving Nora and Sally a tour of the storage lockers he's rented for safe shifting. He'd also like to record them to use for his research on fixing the wolfie problem they have. Nora's a little creeped out by it but Josh is trying to stay positive. Sally agrees to lock them in because she's got nothing else going on. While there she does spot her creepy, black smoke lingering. I wonder if it makes a clanking noise and turns into the form of a dearly departed loved one. Wait, that's another show.

Aidan wakes up next to a (thankfully) live 'chick from the hospital/bar' and I realize she probably has a name that I managed to miss. She got the residency job at the hospital so now they'll get to see each other every day at work and make swoony eyes when they pass in the halls. I'm sure if they break up it won't be awkward at all. They get amorous but in order for Aidan to not bite her he must get a quickie blood fix.

The roomies catch up at the hospital and Aidan spills about his new lady-friend. A nurse with second sight spots Sally looking at the babies in the natal unit and tells her to get in line with the others. Uh, what others? And why is there a line of ghosties watching babies? The ghosts tell Sally that the nurse, Zoe, is able to assist in reincarnating ghosts into babies so they can live again. It's best to stay on Zoe's good side so she can give you another shot at life. In another part of the hospital Aidan is trying unsuccessfully to replenish his blood supply from the blood bank. Turns out the higher ups have noticed missing blood from their stores and have limited access. Oops! That can't be good.

At the house Aidan and his lady-friend (I should really look her up) are getting frisky again but he needs a blood hit so as not to nibble on her neck. He runs into Josh who gives him a dorky thumbs up and heads off to his own room where Nora is waiting. Her sense of smell is on high alert and after a quick lesson in small they too get frisky.

The next morning everyone is congregating in the kitchen and Sally informs them she is considering the reincarnation thing. They laugh it off and the subject quickly changes when Aidan's lady-friend joins in. Her name is Julia as in Josh's ex-fiance, Julia. Whoa. Understandably she rushes off and Josh chases after her to apologize and explain as best he can. He ditched her lo those many years ago but for good reason (to protect her from his wolfie ways) but he can't really tell her why. This isn't good enough for her.

At the hospital Sally watches Zoe host a reincarnation and then talks to her about the situation. Sally explains she missed her door because she was helping her roommates. Zoe is intrigued about these roommates who can see dead people too so she interviews them about Sally's candidacy for reincarnation. Who knew it'd be so political? Before the interview Aidan and Josh try to patch things up about Julia. Josh feels protective of her still and is unsure Aidan could really control himself around her. Apparently it's a moot point because Aidan doesn't want to pursue anything now that he knows she's Josh's ex. Sally interrupts with a funny Dawson's Creek reference and says that Zoe is on her way. After the interview Zoe rushes out and says she can't help Sally due to her (assumed) residual anger from being murdered and all. Sally tells her she's trying to get away from the smoke monster (not that one, this other one). Uh, that's not how you sell it, Sally. Zoe and I are on the same page about the creepy smoke monster then haunting whatever baby she'd be in. Not a great plan. Later she protects the baby from the smoke monster and Zoe agrees to try and help her get rid of it.

Meanwhile Nora and Julia talk at the hospital. It doesn't go terribly well. Julia still thinks Josh is a selfish jerk and Nora tries to stick up for him without spilling the real reason he left her. Nora realizes she doesn't want to be locked up and would rather be free in the woods. Josh tries to use the 'you're a killer argument' but it doesn't work because she remembers what happened in the woods that night. She's also pissed that Josh protected Julia from himself and his wolfie issues but didn't care enough about her to do the same. Now's he condemned her to this sucky life. She's got a point. Meanwhile Julie still thinks she and Aidan have a future but he shoots her down. As he walks away he's visibly upset but knows he's doing the right thing. He goes to get a fix from a willing (and charging) donor. Live blood makes him a totally different guy and that's not good.

Nora shows up at the storage place realizing she's a danger after she had followed Julia home, likely with the intention of scratching her too. She should know what she's been missing with Josh, right? She changed her mind and almost got hit by a car in the process. Poor thing. No wonder Josh wants to find a cure for her. He does feel terribly guilty about it.

The Artist

2012-01-30T11:40:00.000-08:00

The Artist
Director: Michel Hazanavicius
Stars: Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo, and Uggie

Did you hear that people were leaving the theater because they didn't know the movie was actually going to be silent, like all the way through? Really. It's too bad they left. It was a sweet, special movie that should be seen over and over again. It probably won't change lives but it'll transport you to another time and who doesn't like that?

The story is a simple one. A very popular silent film actor greets the talkies with disdain. No one will want to hear him talk. He's an artist who doesn't need tricks like sound! His career takes a downward turn and to add insult to injury the stock market crashes. Meanwhile a young ingenue (who owes her career to him) is having great success and almost lets it get to her head. She doesn't and he benefits from it. The impact they have on each other is measurable and this time we're the ones who benefit.

The ONLY thing I didn't like about the movie was the aspect ratio and it's something my friend Kate didn't even notice, which shows I'm just nitpicky. It was probably a choice early on that the director made so that it would truly reflect the movies it honors. It was a little distracting for me but I can forgive it.

The actors all did a fabulous job with showing emotion and not mugging or hamming it up when not needed. The direction was great. It was shot beautifully. The music was perfect. I just can't say enough nice things. I keep going back to the two words that won't leave my head, "sweet" and "special." There's not much else out there like this and I hope other movie makers are inspired to push the envelope in this kind of direction. Not that I think we need an onslaught of silent movies. I'm just encouraged by this kind of creativity.

In fact it was a good movie weekend for me. I watched The Tree of Life on DVD and Tracy really hit the nail on the head with her review. I watched Margin Call on Saturday on DVD as well. That was a really great movie and incredibly depressing in its reality. Then my weekend wrapped with The Artist. This makes up for last weekend when I saw Underworld: We're Still Making These and Haywire. I can't even get myself to write about Underworld. It wasn't bad (it actually was OK considering it's an Underworld movie; I have an odd affinity for them) but I just have no motivation. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.