"Blood Ties" (Buffy 5.13): It's Buffy's birthday, so you know shit's going down

Buffy doesn't have the best record when it comes to celebrating the anniversary of her birth. And though this is no "Surprise," there is some Summers family drama. So here's a little guide to how to let your little sister know she's actually a blob of energy that might be evil.

DO actually tell your little sister she's actually a blob of energy that might be evil. Dawn has known something was up since she overheard Giles and Buffy talking about it a few episodes ago. She decides in the first few minutes of this episode to tell the other Scoobies, and has a rare moment of admitting she was wrong to wait. But she continues to wait to tell Dawn, just amping up the weird factor at her party that night because everyone is looking at Dawn like she's actually a blob of energy that might be evil.

Don't know why she didn't assume everyone was talking about the remarkably horrible shirt Xander was wearing earlier.

DON'T let the emotionally stunted vampire be the one to support her through the shock. And a subsidiary DON'T: DON'T write down absolutely everything in your journal, Giles. When Dawn gets tired of everyone being so utterly bad at pretending everything is normal, she sneaks out, runs into Spike, and goes to The Magic Box in order to find the journal, which isn't even written in code or anything. Spike is actually quite sweet about protecting her, and they get along really well, which is one of the cool things about this season and next, even if it does indicate that Spike is just like a teenage boy so he and Dawn have a lot in common.

What isn't so sweet is his "guess that's you" when she finds the passage about the Key.

DO let Dawn have her diva moment. Little sis loses it but good when she finds out she's not, technically, human, and only about six months old. Jenn and I both noted what a good job Michelle Trachtenberg does in these scenes.

Maybe it's just the ginormous knife, but this moment in particular gave me chills.

Buffy does her part to keep the focus where it belongs, on Dawn, by wearing a truly hideous and unflattering coat whilst searching for her.

It's like what the Slayer on Planet of the Apes would look like.

Jenn managed to ignore the coat long enough to recognize that Buffy's uncertainty about what to do even after they find Dawn is a key moment in the season. I shall quote her in full: "What is making this season so interesting is that Buffy, for the first time really, doesn't have a plan or even know what to do. She's fighting so many Big Bads (i.e., her mother's illness, Glory) that she can't even know where to begin fighting. Moreover, all of her strength is useless. She doesn't have a Plan B because she doesn't even have a Plan A. For the first time, it's life that's getting her down in a way that she can't act on; she can only react and deal with where the pieces fall." 

DON'T get too distracted by this storyline's attendant bullshit. Here are a list of things about this season that I a) think are stupid and boring and therefore b) can't stand to see on screen:

1. Glory's minions
2. The Knights of Whatever the Fuck
3. The Ben/Glory body-sharing crap. 

All

goddam

three of them are in this episode. 

And it won't be the last time, either.