Charmed gets Meta-tastic!

 Episodes Watched
"How to Make a Quilt out of Americans" (groan)
"Chick Flick"
"Ex Libris"
"Astral Monkey"

Into It
I really dig the pomo episode "Chick Flick." College co-ed Phoebe comes across an Illusion Demon who can jump into movies and make the audience watching them feel more violent. Now that I type that, it seems pretty conservative, which I don't love. But what I DO love is that in the process of trying to vanquish him, they pull Phoebe's girlhood movie star crush Billy out of her favorite horror movie, and they have some quality make-out time. It would be like if I cast a spell to get this guy out of his movie:

We would go get a Slushee. Then we would make out.

In addition to Billy, the Illusion demon, who looks like the lead singer of Nickelback,

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How'd the hell did he end up like this?

releases some of the villains from slasher movies. In order to defeat the "lobotomized Paul Bunyan" and "Bloody Mary" (I would adore actually seeing these films), the Charmed Ones have to kill them the way they die in their respective films. The implicit argument is that knowledge of movies, specifically genre pictures (the title is no accident), can actually save your life. It's a version of what J.K. does in Deathly Hallows---when the genre itself (supernatural fantasy/YA literature) conceptually and structurally illustrates that said genre is artistically, and metaphysically, serious. Well done, Charmed. 

Over It
Leo was MARRIED??? In "Ex Libris," Piper discovers that before he got whitelit, Leo had a wife. Apparently he appeared to her after and told her to move on, and he assures Piper that it was literally another life and she means nothing to him, but, ugh. I wish Piper had been his first and only love. If Heathcliff became a whitelighter, he would NEVER have forgotten Catherine.

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At least we got a "Leo in the shower" scene to make up for it.

Waiting for It
In "Astral Monkey," the girls have to kill a human "innocent": the doctor who still hasn't gotten over Piper's miraculous recovery from bizarro fever way back in "Awakened." Dr. Williamson injects some monkey's with the Halliwell blood, giving the animals the sisters' powers (hence the title), and accidentally injects and magicizes himself as well. (Which is another Over It: the powers are blood-borne? It smacks of midichlorians.) The magic drives his mortal body mad, and after an urban legend-esque murder spree (he steals organs), the girls kill him. Piper takes it especially hard. Will this rebound on the girls, Buffy-style?

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And if there's just more gentle weeping in Leo's arms, I'm fine with that, too.

The Charmed Blokes

Episodes Watched
"Animal Pragmatism"
"Pardon My Past"
"Give Me a Sign"
"Murphy's Luck"

So the good news is, we've finally found a decade where Phoebe's fashion choices make sense! "Pardon My Past" sends Phoebs back to visit a former life in the '20s, and she couldn't look snappier.

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I honestly don't know what that's supposed to be.

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Totally normal!

Into It
I had a lot of fun with all the dudes in this four-episode chunk.We got:

The Bad Boy: Bane is back! He kidnaps Prue in "Give Me a Sign" for help with a little demon problem he's having, and they finally have some sexy time!

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Did Bai Ling give you a cheesy tattoo as well, Bane?

The Worse Boy: Turns out that the love of a wicked warlock named Anton turned Phoebe evil in a past life. But can you blame the girl?

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And we have another General Hospital alum! Nikolas Cassadine, at your smarmy service.

The Boy Who Was in The Mummy: Yep, Imhotep makes an appearance as a darklighter who is targeting Amy Adams in another fun "she's not famous yet" role to complement her appearance in Buffy season 5!

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A face made to play a badass.

The Bratty Boy: Dan does not miss a chance to give Leo an eyeful of some PDA with Piper. Kinda makes me like him more.

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"What? Leo is standing five feet away? I had no idea."

Piney Boys: Poor Leo. He doesn't miss a chance to give Piper the puppy-dog eyes, and make pointed little comments about how they're supposed to be together.

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"And that's why they call it soulmates, PIPER."

Over It
Stop messing with me, show! In "Murphy's Luck" Piper finally acknowledged that her heart belongs to green-eyed Leo . . . just in time for him to regain his wings to save Prue, thereby re-complicating their relationship. I need to call Nicole again and have her tell me these two are going to make it work.

Waiting for It
I'm somewhat intrigued by this talk of "The Source" that likes to feed on witches. But mainly, I just want much more of this:

 I'm closer than I'd like to admit to making one of these videos myself.

 

Charmed is really getting good

As I hit the mid-way point of the second season, I'm really becoming emotionally invested in these characters--even to the point I was beginning to feel like I was being too hard on Phoebe's fashion choices. Then, this happened:

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Seriously?

But now the ridiculous clothes and hair are more just a part of what I look forward to about the show.

Episodes Watched
"Ms. Hellfire"
"Heartbreak City"
"Reckless Abandon"
"Awakened"

Into It
Whenever a former General Hospital star appears on Charmed, it's nothing but goodness. Finola Huges (aka Anna Devane) has already distinguished herself as the Charmed Ones' mom, Patty. In "Ms. Hellfire," Jagger Cates (you might know him as Antonio Sabato Jr., but he'll always be Jagger to me) brings the sexy as some sort of emissary of the Time Lord from last season's "From Here to Eternity" named Bane. Prue, going undercover as a hitwoman, has better chemistry with him than anyone else in the season-and-a-half so far.

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Grrrrowl.

Over It
Though "Ms. Hellfire" is a Friday the 13th episode, which is fun, why has Charmed not done a Halloween episode yet? It's such a missed opportunity!


Waiting for It
Oh, I am ever so happy with the direction the Piper/Leo/Dan triangle is heading. Last week's installment, with Leo evaporating Edward-in-New Moon-style stressed me out so much I had to consult my in-house Charmed expert, Nicole, for reassurance. But if I had just been patient, "Awakened" would have satisfied me greatly. Leo saves Piper from a bizarre non-demonic deadly fever (don't ask--it's not important), and gets his wings clipped for the transgression. Well, now that he's mortal, Leo isn't taking this whole "your friend Dan" thing lying down. To quote the green-eyed hottie directly: "I'm going to fight for you. Let the best man win." FINALLY!

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Oh, crap. It's on.

Charmed channels Harry Potter, the Blair Witch Project, and Judith Butler

We get more angst-a-liciousness with the Leo/Piper/Dan triangle in the last two episodes of this disc, but before I get to that, I must discuss the truly weird gender stuff that goes on in the first two. In 2.5, Prue gets turned into a man . . .

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Why Shannen Doherty left the show: Exhibit A

in order to attract a succubus . . .

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A phallic vagina dentata? That's too effed up even for Freud.

that the distractingly sweaty and disturbingly randy Phoebe has been channeling through her dreams.

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Almost makes you forget about the bad clothes and hair, doesn't it?

The upshot is that Prue-homme learns that some bitches need to be slapped, a lesson reinforced by "That Old Black Magic," which features a good witch turned bad, who uses a snake to do her bidding. Why does that sound familiar?

Oh, right.

The witch, "Tuatha," enjoys shrinking men to the size of mice and, ahem, feeding them to her snake. She also encounters three kids in the forest where she's hiding out who are filming a documentary on the "Blair Witch." Their names? Heather, Michael, and Josh. This baffles me with its ballsiness. The writers counted on their audience getting the reference, but apparently not remembering how the movie ended? Or are they "writing beyond the ending," stipulating that the trio escaped and continued filming their doc, only to get killed by a real witch in San Francisco? That's actually pretty funny. Ah well, on to what I'm really interested in--the love triangle.

Episodes Watched
"She's a Man, Baby, a Man!"
"That Old Black Magic"
"They're Everywhere"
"P3 H2O"

Into It
Piper and Dan's relationship is progressing, with an overnight trip to meet the parents, um, I mean "go to a cousin's wedding" in "They're Everywhere." Leo is decidedly NOT into it. We get some fun eye rolling and pointed references to "your friend Dan." BUT . . .


Over It
Rather than get all whitelighter up in there, Leo pulls an Edward Cullen cop-out and tells Bella, er, Piper, that she'd be better off with Dan because he could give her a normal life. To that, I quote Sarah Marshall.

Love is love, green-eyed Leo, and as we learn in "P3 H20," through a really touching flashback where we learn how the girls' mom died (and that she was in love with her whitelighter), you might as well be dead if you don't live for it. Get it together and go get your girl.

Waiting for It
Prue to have better taste in men. 

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Why Shannen Doherty left the show: Exhibit B

Doing the Time Warp with Charmed

Season 2 is ON! And Leo got chunky highlights and a brand new ill-fitting and sad jacket for the occasion!

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Tweedy fleece blazer/cardigan vs. washed-out windbreaker. Discuss.

Pheobe continues her tradition of truly unfortunate hair in season-opening episodes.

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Yeah, those are totally the plastic rubber bands you wore when you were six.

I swear, I'm going to do a "Best of the Worst" Charmed fashion edition. Not even Prue escaped hot messiness.

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The floral-do-rag-wearing Vegas mermaid look is appropriate for any occasion.

Episodes Watched
"Witch Trial"
"Morality Bites"
"The Painted World"
"The Devil's Music"

Into It
I officially love it whenever the Charmed Ones do a time travel episode. "Morality Bites" has the sisters magicking themselves ten years into the future to save Pheobe from execution via burning at the stake. The story had all sorts of interesting things to say about the Butterfly Effect and scapegoating and why the girls aren't allowed to use magic for personal gain. But the real fun came in how the writers imagined 2009. You'll all remember how two years ago, we were using our voice activated television sets, imprisoning convicts in cells with electrified, transparent walls, oh, and COLONIZING THE MOON. Pretty big leap there, Charmed futurists.

But just watching Charmed is like time traveling. Example: "The Devil's Music" has '90s one-hit-wonder Dishwalla single-handedly saving Piper's new club from bankruptcy through an appearance there. Now, they'd be lucky to land a gig playing the State Fair on the Moon.

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Quick: name their hit!

Over It
Looks like we have two new regulars on the show (in addition to a larger role for Andy Tru-douche's partner--but he doesn't really bother me and is sort of funny). Uncle Dan and his niece Jenny have moved in next door. I have no problem with new characters, but the little kid annoys me. I at first thought she was going to be a witch and we'd have a fun mentoring situation going on, but since Piper could freeze her in "The Devil's Music," that means she's not, if I'm understanding the rules. So why? Why? Why not just have Uncle Dan?

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"Toddlers in Tiaras" ten years later.

Speaking of Dan, he and Piper seem to be sparking up a flirtation, especially since Leo is always disintegrating to save innocents, or whatever. Which fine, I appreciate a good love triangle. But when Dan and Leo met, Leo started giggling like a little girl because Dan was some sort of baseball star. It was awesome that Leo brought up how his promising career was ruined when he blew out his knee. (As an aside, why is this the go-to sports injury? It's like how being run over by a bus is the default personal injury nightmare.) But, he did it in an exposition way, not a snarky way. I want to see Leo seething with jealousy, whitelighting Dan's ass UP.

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I'll see your chunky blonde highlights, and raise you a chin cleft and a leather choker.

Waiting for It
Speaking of Piper and Leo, I do like the way the show is figuring the problems his whitelighting and her witchery cause their relationship as similar to the negotiations and frustrations any two-career couple might have. I think we have a Feminist Metaphor Alert. 

Charmed Recap--Season 1, done and done

I've finished season 1 of the Charmed Late to the Party Recap, and am quite pleased with the two concluding episodes!

Episodes Watched
"Love Hurts"
"Deja Vu All Over Again"

Into It 

• Leo's back, bitches! We get some more info about whitelighters--e.g., used to be human and can be killed. Leo was a medic in WW2! There's lots of sweetness with Piper freaking out about Leo's injury, and doing some power-switching to try and save him. She does, but not before . . . 
• A sweaty, shirtless, deathbed scene! As my post on the Buffy season 2 finale attests, I am a fan of the genre. And "Love Hurts" takes "Graduation Day" and raises it an actual death. Leo is gone for a good long while before Piper figures out how to activate the power she's borrowing to heal him. And I feel this point would be best accompanied by dueling shirtless deathbed scenes:
   



Pro: power of love brings him back to life; con: "love" doesn't involve sexy time bloodsucking

• 

  Pro: more chest exposure; con: declared love to wrong girl in feverish haze

   
• Darklighters. What can I say? I like the bad boys. And I especially like the bad boys who tie themselves in knots when they fall in love with good girls. And that's just what we get with Alec in "Love Hurts." I would totally watch a show about him and his doomed and obsessive love for Daisy.

Though this was a pretty cheesy move. Use your arm to block her and NEVER point your toe.

• A cameo by David Carradine! The finale features (Kill) Bill himself as a timelord named Tempus. He devours the scenery. I hope he's not really dead. 

And that's quite the fashion forward cape.

• And finally, DING DONG ANDY TRUDEAU IS DEAD. Now on to better boys for Prue! Might I suggest a Darklighter? 

Waiting for It
Season 2! Let's hope the Charmed Ones are gifted with longer shirts and less clunky shoes.  

What Charmed could learn from The Covenant

The season 1 recap continues!

Episodes Watched
"From Fear to Eternity"
"Secrets and Guys"
"Is There a Woogy in the House?"
"Which Prue Is It Anyway?"

Into It
I like how the Book of Shadows (the sisters' grimoire) isn't a static text, but grows and changes depending on how it's needed and how it's used.  In "From Fear to Eternity," the book produces a growing spell in the girls' mother's handwriting for Prue to consult as she battles a fear demon and learns to say "I love you." Aww.  And Pheobe adds a spell in "Woogy" once she remembers her grandmother's rhyme for defeating the shadow monster who lives in the basement. It reminds me of the books in the Harry Potter universe--Tom Riddle's diary, The Half Prince's potions textbook and Beedle the Bard's fairy tales all, to different extents, "talk back" to their readers. I'm working on a paper about the ethics of reading that such books imply, and I'll have to add this to my list.

Over It
There should be more dude witches on this show. There's a pre-teen boy witch in "Secrets and Guys," but that just made it more obvious that mostly, only bad "warlocks" are male. Take a hint from modern classic The Covenant, guy witches have potential.

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Especially when they're on the goddamn swim team.

Waiting for It
In "Secrets and Guys," we finally get some more Leo, but alas, he only shows up to tell us (well, Piper), that he can't stick around. As it turns out, he's a "whitelighter" (which sounds like a sort of fairy godmother for witches, except sexy, and really into windbreakers), and they're not allowed to fall for the witches they're protecting, except he has. Now, as a fervent Buffy/Angel 'shipper, I'm all for a little star-crossed loverness, but I need some more why in my why-God-why doomed relationship. Why can't whitelighters get in relationships with witches? What's at stake? What's the punishment for transgressing? It's pretty self-explanatory why Slayers and vampires shouldn't fall in love, but I'm looking forward to some more mythology.

Charmed Recap: Feminista Edition

I've made it halfway through season 1!

Episodes Watched
"The Witch Is Back"
"Wicca Envy"
"Feats of Clay"
"The Wendigo"

Into It:
The show seems to be making an interesting argument about gender and power, by literalizing the concept of "powers" through witchcraft, and then showing how people might sabotage women who try to wield it. In "The Witch Is Back," we have a seventeenth-century lounge lizard who gets women to use their powers on him so he can claim them as his own.

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How you doin'?

In "Wicca Envy," Rex from the auction house lets his evil flag fly, showing off his brand new skill of "astral projection" to get into Chez Halliwell unseen. His creepy see-through aura not only subliminally urges Prue to participate in framing herself for stealing a valuable necklace, he also hopes to convince the girls to relinquish their own powers. A particularly chilling moment has him whispering to Piper that, "You're a miserable witch," making her think her own mind had given her that self-defeating message. On Buffy (my ur-supernatural text), misogyny is always a mark of villainy. Seems like Charmed is going the same way.

Over It:
The god-awful 90s hair on some of the guys. Here's an especially egregious example:

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Why isn't "makeover" one of the powers of three?

Waiting for It:
In "The Witch Is Back," the Halliwell sisters meet their great great grandwitch in an attempt to vanquish the aforementioned lounge lizard. While talking with her, Phoebe asks an interesting question: "Why do Warren witches lose their moms so early?" It makes me wonder if there's some kind of curse on the family, and what will happen if one of the Charmed Ones becomes a mother in the next seven seasons. Also: Leo is magic! This has promise!

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A sparkle that is practically Cullen-esque

Charmed eps 1.5-1.8: Riley Syndrome

When discussing season 1, episodes 5-8, with my favorite Charmed expert, I admitted that I would totally use my Charmed One powers to get guys, much like Piper and Phoebe do in "Dream Sorcerer." She reminded me that you can't use spells for personal gain. Well, considering my relationship track record, I think we can all agree that not much has been "gained" "personally." So I conclude I'd be safe summoning Joseph Gordon-Levitt! On to the recap of disc 2!

Episodes Watched:
"Dream Sorcerer"
"The Wedding from Hell"
"The Fourth Sister"
"The Truth Is Out There and It Hurts"

Into It:
This guy:

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I'll even overlook the odd, ill-fitting jacket that he WILL NOT TAKE OFF.

We get a fun and portentous kiss between Piper and Leo while a Prue-casted truth spell gives her the confidence to make the first move. I wasn't sure about Brian Krause, but it turns out he's one of those people who look much better moving around than they do in photographs.

Over It: 
This guy:

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I'm Inspector Andy Trudeau. My whiny neediness is matched only by my impotence in a crisis.

Prue deserves better. For you Buffy fans, Andy's got Riley Syndrome: wants a strong woman, but also wants her to need him ALL THE TIME. Verdict = not hot. Hell, I would even prefer Prue to have a fling with the looks-to-be-evil Svengali Rex from the auction house. Speaking of . . .

Waiting for It:
I like the intimation of a season 1 big bad with Hannah's witchery being exposed through the aforementioned truth spell, and Rex's connection with the Hecate in "Wedding." Looking forward to seeing where this plot leads.

Hold onto your pointy hats, I'm watching Charmed!

Despite my affinity for all things witchery, I have managed to make it to 2011 without seeing a single episode of Charmed. That streak ends now. I am committing to watch all 8 seasons because, really, what else am I going to do? I aim to post once a week, detailing one disc (three to four episodes) of the show. So we begin with disc 1 of season 1. The major question posed this early in the series is: Which of the three sisters' powers would I choose to have? We have the oldest, Prudence (Shannen Doherty), who can move objects with her mind; the middle sister, Piper (Holly Marie Combs), who can stop time; and the youngest, Phoebe (Alyssa Milano) who can see the future. Phoebe is definitely out--too much pressure. Though Prue's power is tempting, especially with my desire, born of laziness, to will wine and cupcakes to my couch, I'm going with Piper's time-control ability. It's the next best thing to being invisible, my superpower of choice.

Episodes watched:
"Something Wicca This Way Comes"
"I've Got You Under My Skin"
"Thank You for Not Morphing"
"Dead Man Dating"

Into It: The San Francisco setting; the music the series uses, but especially the rad "How Soon Is Now?" theme song; the way the powers are new to the sisters, so they discover their strengths and master their abilities by and through learning more about themselves and their history (feminist metaphor alert!).

Over It: Alyssa Milano's hair and wardrobe as Phoebe.

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A sparkly barrette does not 21 make.

I get that they're trying to make her look like the youngest sister, despite her actually being only a year younger than Shannen and a year older than Holly, but a Shirley Temple hair-do, ill-fitting jeans, and shower shoes with socks do not scream "youth" to me.

Waiting for It: More Leo! I don't know much, but I know that Leo is not just going to be the random handyman that repairs an attic door. It might be the Buffy fan in me, but I'm ready for some why-god-why romance to get started!