Friday, August 24, 2012

The Expendables 2

Ridiculous is really the only word that comes to mind.  There aren't enough words in the English language to accurately describe how truly ridiculous The Expendables 2 is.  However, if you're a fan of massive death and destruction then this is your movie.  In the first few minutes of the movie they must kill at least 100 men.  Nevermind the scenes later in the movie when they wax poetic about the loss of life of their friends or the people they're trying to protect.  They're ready to make random thugs' heads explode.  And explode they do.  Random thugs in this movie don't just get shot and fall down.  No, Random thug gets shot, a bucket of blood spews from his chest or his head literally explodes, and then he falls down.  It was excessive and gross and sure to make grown men cheer just as loudly as their 13 year old sons. 

I guess you could say there's a story but it doesn't matter.  What matters is how many people can they kill in extreme ways? Also, how many more action stars can we get into this movie?  Actually that's the only part that kind of works.  The idea of putting the likes of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Van Damme (who looks ROUGH-see below), Statham, Li, Lundgren, and Norris into one film is slightly genius.  There were lots of little "in" jokes where these guys were quoting each others' famous lines from their biggest movies.  That got old but it was more in the right direction.  Keep it tongue-in-cheek and don't get all serious on us and the movie would have been so much better.  Speaking of, I'd like to take this opportunity to request that Sylvester Stallone not deliver the eulogy at my funeral.  Oy.  No one, and I mean NO ONE, needs to hear him trying to sound serious about life and death and who dies young and who lives on and on and on.

It was still better than Conan, which isn't saying much.  The best acting nod would have to go to Chinese actress Nan Yu.  Ms. Yu's character, Maggie, had this inexplicable crush on Stallone's character, Barney.  Wait, no, it's totally explicable...Stallone wrote the movie. Don't worry, he let her down easy and maybe she'll be back for The Expendables 3.

Anywhoodle, it was still fun and filled with tons of action so I don't want to be harsh.  I wouldn't pay big bucks to see it but I do think it works better on a big screen than on a home television.  I mean, you need to get the full effect of just how lovely exploding heads can be.  Plus, where else would you get to see this?

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