A Nicholas Sparks (sorta) rant

 

"Why I Will Not Be Seeing "The Lucky One" This Weekend" 

or 

"I'm Not Emotionally Stable Enough for Nicholas Sparks"

Really that second title says it all but let me give you a little background about me and Mr. Sparks.  I have a weakness for Nicholas Sparks movies.  I can't be bothered to read his books.  I know they're quick reads but why bother when there will be a movie?  They aren't great works of literature and apparently they translate well to the screen so I don't see the need to read them.

*************SPOILERY BITS AHEAD****************

Let's do the list.  First up we have Message in a Bottle.  This one didn't suck me in but I got it and it was romantic and sweet but it didn't get to me like...stupid, effing A Walk to Remember.  The main character is young, beautiful, in love and DYING.  The boy of her dreams gives her everything on her bucket list only it's not some 'when I die in 60 years' list.  No. She's dying, like, soon.  I've only watched it twice because I hate that I cry no matter what.  I know what's coming.  It's so sappy and romantic and I'M SUCH A SUCKER FOR SAPPY AND ROMANTIC.  Ugh.  Next up is my favorite and probably most everyone else's too...The Notebook.  Firstly I really like Rachel McAdams.  She's one of the few actresses I always enjoy.  Also, I loved Ryan Gosling before this movie.  I spotted him in Remember the Titans, I saw The Believer the week it landed on DVD, I lusted after him (much like Sandra Bullock) in Murder By Numbers.  By the time The Notebook came out I was already a huge fan.  The movie just solidified my love for him.  Honestly.  Have you seen it?  You must have.  Hasn't everyone? He's wonderful.  I could go on so I'll stop myself here.  I didn't see Nights in Rodanthe. Apparently I don't care much for the movies starring people older than me.  I don't know why so don't ask me.  I did see Dear John and loved it.  It was sappy, romantic and I like both Channing Tatum and Amada Seyfried so I was all in.  I watched The Last Song and it's probably my biggest exception because I CAN'T STAND MILEY CYRUS.  She bugs me.  I didn't really even like the movie besides Greg Kinnear who is great in everything. 

There are a few other movies that seem like they should have been Sparks but weren't (The Vow, Charlie St. Cloud) and I've seen them too.  I'll say it again: I am a sucker for sappy, romantic movies.  Especially if there's death involved and there's always a death.

That brings us to The Lucky One.  I can't say much about the movie because, as you've probably guessed, I haven't read the book.  From what I can tell Zac Efron (so glad I'm legally allowed to swoon over him now. Yes, I think he's cute.  Shut up.) is a soldier whose life is saved by finding a picture. Oookay.  He has to find the girl in the picture, y'all!  They fall in love, someone dies, one of them pushes the other away but there's sure to be a lot of romantic things that happen.  I'm guessing this is what every relationship in the world must be like, right?  If Nicholas Sparks sticks to this formula, and he does, then this is what romance is supposed to be.  I personally have yet to experience this formula but according to Mr. Sparks this is what love is.  Poor me.  And also, Nicholas Sparks hates singletons.  Jerk.

So without unburdening my soul and letting you into my deepest, darkest neurotic thoughts, I'll just reiterate that I'm am currently unable to put up with the romance of it all (the death I don't mind so much...unless it's a pet.)  This movie, more so than others but not more than The Notebook, makes it seem like the characters are REALLY into each other.  Let's take a look at some of the screencaps I found: 

"I can't take my hands off of you."

"In order to read this tattoo I must use my hands."

Hands, hands, hands.

"Don't ever take your hands off of me."

"My hands.  They're not on her. Also... I've probably been pushed away, which is why I look so glum."

You know someone has just died.  At least he has hands for comforting purposes.

Even the premiere was all about hands.

If you go see it, please tell me how it was.  I'll see it eventually but when I'm in a less 'I'm feeling sorry for myself because my life isn't like a Nicholas Sparks movie kind of mood.'  Instead I'll be going to see a horror movie.  Yep, that's WAY more what I need right now.  Death (the good scary movie kind), destruction and gore.  BRING IT ON, WHEDON!

Also, Tracy has done a companion piece on Mr. Sparks.  So read it!  She's got some great things to say and has even seen Nights in Rodanthe.