Battleship

Battleship

Director: Peter Berg

Stars: Tim Riggins!, Liam Neeson, Alexander Skaaaarrrrssssgaaarrrdd, and Andy Roddick's wife

I find myself not having the energy to write about yet another movie.  I’m pretty sure we all knew that Battleship was going to be bad.  It was obvious from the trailer.  It was obvious when it was announced that someone (who had totally lost their marbles) decided to make a movie out of a board game like Battleship.  Well it wasn’t great.  It wasn’t awful either but there were some big issues. 

The story.  Oh, the story.  So there are these naval exercises that include the US, Japan and some other countries that quickly become irrelevant.  Oh and apparently it's worth noting that NASA sent out a signal to some planet that was discovered to have similar properties to earth.  The aliens from said planet decide to invade because they want to take part in the naval exercises.  Then it’s up to the good folks on Oahu to save the world. 

So that’s the story but how about the plot?  Please don’t make me discuss the plot.  There were holes in it big enough to steer a battleship through (sorry, had to do it).  There’s one in particular that I’d actually watch the movie one more time to see if I’m right about it.  If you saw the movie let me know because I need help with this one huge problem. 

HOWEVER, there was a lot of pretty great nods to the military both active and retired and that was fine with me.  It was nice to have such a big movie pay huge respect to the men and women fighting not only for our country but apparently the world.  Plus the big battle that put the USS Missouri to use was a cute part of the story and I’ll forgive it. 

Poor Taylor Kitsch.  They really keep trying to make him into a movie star and it’s just not clicking.  I think he needs to try his hand at some smaller indies before jumping into another leading role in a doomed, big-screen, bigger budget, movie.  I think there’s potential in him but I’m afraid it’s more of the FNL-sized potential and not huge, action movie potential.  He needs to have a talk with whoever (whomever?) is giving him career advice.  He wasn’t bad in this.  He wasn’t bad in John Carter either.  He just doesn’t have whatever that spark is that leading actors have. 

Skaaaarrrrsssgaaaarrrrdd!  I think he's doing Blue Steel, which is appropriate since he was in Zoolander

The rest of the cast was fine.  Rhianna, though on-screen for much of the movie, didn’t have a ton of actual lines.  Liam Neeson was criminally underused and actually forgotten about for a good chunk of the second half of the movie.  Then we come to my dear Alexander Skaaaarrrsssgaaaarrrd.  Mmmm.  He was cute and sweet in this but I could have done with a lot more screen time with him. I should probably also mention Brooklyn "The Body" Decker.  Sweet girl who could have been worse.    

What was good you ask?  Besides showing the love to the armed forces, it was a fun movie.  That is, if you can get past the plot problems.  There was lots of humor, cool effects, and slightly interesting aliens.  It wasn’t much worse than something like Armageddon.  So if you enjoy mindless, destruction movies then this one is for you. 

Liveblogging Dancing with the "Stars": Four on the Floor

As we return to the ballroom in a Roshon- and Wax-less world, we're down to four ass-shakers. And apparently finding last week's celebration of sexual deviancy too hard to top, we're apparently theme-free tonight.

William "I'm very handsome" Levy and Cheryl, part 1: Tangoing up a storm to "Sweet Dreams." Not a fan of Cheryl's palazzo pants, nor of William's scarecrow-esque body posture. He's not moving a bit. The judges call him more than a pretty face, and then proceed to praise nothing but his looks, and criticize his dancing. Seems about right. Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 10 (seriously?)

Katherine and Ballas, part 1: After pulling his pants off in practice, we'll see if Katherine can leave Ballas clothed for the entirety of their quick step. Well, it's not so much quick, but at least technically competent. The judges are into it and they got a standing ovation, but they hand those out like Christmas candy.  CA: 10; L: 9; B: 10. I think we officially have score inflation here on Dancing with the Stars.

Donald and Peta, part 1: Oooh--a dramatic waltz. It's quite pretty. I think the waltz is easier for the male "stars" since the girls are the ones who have to worry about hold and their shoulders and whatnot. Of course, Donald does have to worry about his feet, which aren't great. They're sort of stutter-stepping. Which Carrie Ann mentions. Len mentions his head. Will Bruno like any part of his body? He likes his "line." Guess that counts. Scores after the break. CA: 9; L: 9; B: 10. Apparently Bruno is all 10s all the time, this counts as sort of a dip for them.

Derek and Whoever, part 1: As my fellow readers of supermarket tabloids know, Derek and his cackling partner were recently photographed in a Las Vegas pool where he was wearing sunglasses that matched her bathing suit. Yes. It's nauseating. Derek is having trouble with the choreography, and Whoever advises him to "shift his mind." He looks as confused by that advice as I am. Then she starts crying. He's used to that. Argentine Tango with a tricksy going down the stairs move. She looks a little frozen through the hips and torso--sort of like Derek is dancing with the doll from Lars and the Real Girl. And they maybe kissed at the end? It was hotter than when he made out with her chin earlier in the season. Let's see if anything is revealed during the post-dance interview. She describes them as "bonded." Like they are a pet sitter. CA: 10; L: 10; B: 10. I typed Bruno's before he even revealed it.

Oh Jesus. We will be hearing about the experiences that shaped the stars' lives tonight. Spare me.

Handsome Levy and Cheryl, part 2: His trauma: poverty in Cuba. Not his trauma: not being the best looking of his siblings, by far. They will be dancing the samba, with what looks like a Lion King theme. Hey, Levy is moving his hips! Nice. He's pretty much killing this. Now don't you wish you had saved your 10, Bruno? Bruno informs us that we have entered the pleasure zone. He's going to hold up every paddle he has. Cheryl seems to be gesturing towards her chest as if to indicate there was some flashing going on. Nobody noticed, because of the Levy hip situation. CA: 10; L: 10; B: oh, you know.

Katherine and Ballas, part 2: Her trauma: So far, being from a pretty Welsh town. Levy is winning. Next: almost instant success. That's gotta be tough. Looks like it's going to be a break-up. Yeah--that's totally it. She broke up with her boyfriend named, incidentally, "Geffen." Cry me a river, blondie. We've got a semi-offensive snake charmer salsa situation happening here. This routine so far looks like a rip-off of Derek's Bollywood thing from last week. They are out of sync. It's going to take a lot for Bruno to give them his obligatory 10 tonight. Oh, and she effed up big at the end. And is now having some sort of physical and emotional breakdown. Geffen is never going to want to get back together with her now. CA: 9; L: 9; B: 9.

Donald and Peta, part 2: His trauma: poverty in Texas. Aw, and he super loves his wife. I hope he wins. I bet if he does anything approximating dancing in this number, Len will give him a 10. This is why you save your 10s, BRUNO. And he's got mad charisma during their samba. I don't want to get all gushy, but he can act with his face when he dances--the dancing equivalent of moving without the ball. It's like the girl from Center Stage. Which I need to re-watch, by the way. CA: 10; L: 9 (seriously???); B: 10.

Derek and Whoever, part 2: Her trauma: Having working-class parents. Bo-ring. Wait, someone they're interviewing is identified as her "boyfriend." Hold the phone: I thought she was banging Derek?  Maybe their jive will clarify things. In spite of myself, I like this. Derek is a really good dancer. Which is sort of a witless comment, but true. This is the first dance he's done all season that I was really 100% into, in a "Rikki Lake and Derek do the tango to the Psycho theme" sort of way. CA: 10; L: 9; B: 10.

Well, I think broken-backed Katherine might be in trouble tomorrow.

Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows

Director: Tim Burton

Stars: Johnny Depp and Eva Green

I don’t know why but I’m finding it difficult to get motivated to write about Dark Shadows.  I enjoyed it but the film had some issues.  It was exactly what I thought it would be, which is campy and silly.  It didn’t make me love Tim Burton any less.  Same goes for Johnny Depp.  The music was great, if you like 70s classics.  Though I’m not convinced all the songs used were released before 1972 (however I’m not nitpicky enough to look that up).  The look was very Burton-esque, which I always dig.  The idea of sticking someone from the 18^th century in the early 1970s is a fun one with lots of potential.  I just can’t put my finger on why I’m so meh about it.  My friends and I walked out of the theater saying we enjoyed it so there’s that. 

I won’t spoil it for you but the main story is how the Collins family is cursed, each in their own way.  It’s almost like they forgot about cursing Chloe Grace Moretz until the end of the movie and then just threw it in to emphasize the point.  It was strange.  But there were plenty of fun jabs at 70s culture and they really worked the camp angle, which I enjoyed.  I've never seen the television show but I know it was filled with campy goodness.  I'd like to think this did the show some justice without being too on-the-nose.

The cast was fine, especially Eva Green who, well, how do you encapsulate what she is?  Uh...she cannot be ignored.  If that woman is in a room or, even in the general vicinity of a room you know it.  It was nice to see Michelle Pfeiffer though I don’t enjoy seeing her in supporting roles.  I feel like her character, the matriarch of the existing Collins family, should have had more to do.  Helena Bonham Carter, the resident psychiatrist, was good as usual but she, along with most of the rest of the cast, didn’t have much to do.  Mostly it was just Depp being weird with his weird fingers and Eva Green stomping around threatening Depp.

They really did emphasize his hands throughout the movie.

I feel like I could add a new measurement to this blog.  It was better than Conan the Barbarian but it was no Avengers.  Hmmm, I need to see The Avengers again.

 

The Five-Year Engagement

The Five-Year Engagement

Director: Nicholas Stoller

Stars: Jason Segel and Emily Blunt

Recently my mother, in a very serious tone, said to me, “How are you feeling about Jason Segel dating Michelle Williams?  Are you ok with her?  I mean, since it’s not you is she an acceptable alternative?”  My mother knows me way too well.  Don’t worry, I don’t live in some dream land where I believe that male celebs want to date me and female celebs want to be my friend.  This is, of course, excluding the six minutes that Bill Murray and I were in an actual relationship.  I’m sure most of you are tired of hearing that story so I won’t repeat it.  I assured my mother that I was absolutely fine with his choice of Michelle Williams.  She’s an actress I like and only want the best for (unlike my nemesis Gwyneth-who I wish would wake up to a flat tire every morning). 

So this brings me to Mr. Segel’s latest offering, The Five-Year Engagement.  My dearest Jason not only stars in it with Emily Blunt (who stole another of my imaginary boyfriends but I know she and I would be best friends so I’ve moved on) but he co-wrote it too.  Considering how much I loved Forgetting Sarah Marshall and The Muppets, my expectations for liking this movie were kind of high.  Poor Jason.  I still love you (from a very safe distance of over 2500 miles away) but I didn’t love the movie. 

My biggest complaint was that it went on a bit long.  Had there been some careful editing this would have been a winner.  Ok, I’ll admit something…I’m a fan of the montage.  There, I said it.  Segel’s character goes through a bit of a downward spiral.  This could have been alluded to in a tidy little montage but instead it drags on a bit. 

There was plenty of good about it.  Segel and Blunt had lots of authentic chemistry and were fun to watch.  ChrisPratt, lovably goofy as usual, was great.  Especially fantastic was one of our newest national treasures, AlisonBrie.  Girl is talented.  She pulled off a British accent and was great as Blunt’s sister.  My friends and I (shout out to my Girls’ Night Out ladies!) laughed from beginning to end with only a few appropriate lulls.  So I didn’t love it as much as I loved Forgetting Sarah Marshall but I enjoyed myself. 

Also, I wish Jason and Michelle all the happiness in the world.  I’m pulling for you kids.  Truly.

MEGA GLEE!!!

I now give to you five episodes' of Glee.

 “Big Brother” aka Matt Bomer is the best looking man on television.

 - Rachel & Finn didn’t get married

- Quinn’s alive but in a wheelchair

- Blaine’s brother, Cooper Anderson (played by hottie Matt Bomer) is visiting and he’s famous for being in a credit score commercial.  He and Blaine aren’t particularly close.

- Sue finds out her baby is probably going to have Downs Syndrome.  Personally I think she’d be a great mom to a Downs baby.

You're lucky I only posted two pictures of this beautiful, beautiful man.

Songs include: “I’m Still Standing”; “Rio/Hungry Like the Wolf”; “Fighter”’; Up Up Up”; and “Somebody I Used to Know.” 

“Saturday Night Glee-ver” aka My DVR Hates Me

(The first 10 minutes happen and I never see them.  I do know it’s disco night so I’m not totally broken up over it.)

- Apparently this episode is all about having big dreams.  Didn’t they have another episode about dreams?  Finn and Rachel fight because theirs don’t match up or something.  Santana wants to be super famous so Brittany posts a sex tape of them online.  Wow. 

- Finn has an emotional breakdown and Schue’s incredibly helpful advice is to watch Saturday Night Fever.  Oooohkay. 

- Quinn is nowhere to be found so I assume she’s died from complications from her accident.

- Then a bunch of them end up in ‘the suit’ and I really could have been satisfied to have never seen this episode.

Songs include: “You Should Be Dancing”; “That’s the Way (I Like It)”; “How Deep is Your Love”; “Boogie Shoes”; “Disco Inferno”; “If I Can’t Have You”; “More Than A Woman”; and “Stayin’ Alive”

“Dance with Somebody”  aka Whitney night

- They’re supposed to sing Whitney songs to help deal with the loss of Ms. Huston.

- Kurt makes a new, flirty friend and Blaine gets all sorts of jealous.

- Quinn’s alive!  Jesus w/ Dreads is nice to her and helps with her p.t. SPARKS!

- Schue wants to marry Miss Pillsbury next month not next fall. This throws Miss Pillsbury into a tailspin. Turns out he's really upset about the kids graduating and leaving him behind in that hell-hole.  WHAT ABOUT HIS DREAMS OF MAKING IT ON BROADWAY?!?! Or maybe I'm reading into it too much.

Songs include: “How Will I Know”; “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”; “Saving All My Love”; “So Emotional”; “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay”; “I Have Nothing”; and “My Love is Your Love”

“Choke” aka Nobody puts Bieste in a corner

- Rachel and Kurt try out for NYADA and Whoopi is their judge.  Kurt’s audition is great.  Rachel chokes.

- Coach Bieste has a black eye and Santana makes an insensitive joke about it.  The girls are tasked with singing a song about domestic violence. They fail their first attempt but succeed on attempt #2.

- Bieste says she got hit by a punching bag but that bag happened to be her hubby.  Boo!

- Finn is upset about Puck possibly not graduating so he gets all the guys to help Puck study.  He still fails.  So Puck’s got another year at McKinley.

I've been there.

Songs include: “The Music of the Night”; “School’s Out”; “Cell Block Tango”; “Not the Boy Next Door”; “Don’t Rain on My Parade”; “The Rain in Spain”; “Shake it Out”; and “Cry”

“Prom-asaurus” aka Brittany is very possibly insane and/or mentally disabled

- Rachel is dealing with the heartbreak of her NYADA audition.  She decides there needs to be an anti-prom for the “disenfranchised” at the school.

- Brittany doesn’t want her crap presidency to be her legacy so she decides to get involved with the prom.  This equates to her changing the theme from Castles in the Clouds to DINOSAURS!  Also she bans hair gel from the prom, which bums Blaine out because no one has ever seen him sans product.

- Quinn is really pushing for her and Finn to get prom queen and king (respectively-though you never know at this school).  She wants to save the fact that she can kind of walk for prom night to surprise everyone.  Sorry Artie, looks like you’ll be the only on in a chair from now on.  (I’m guessing that with the typical story consistencies on this show Quinn won’t even be using a cane next week.)

- Prom is nice and happy and everyone smiles a lot. OH!  Rachel wins prom queen because Quinn, the real winner, was feeling generous.

NOTE: Does anyone in the glee club actually associate with Mike and Tina?  They don’t seem to connect much with the rest of the group when not in the middle of a song.  Speaking of…

Songs include: “Big Girls Don’t Cry”; “Dinosaur”; “Love You Like a Love Song”; “What Makes You Beautiful”; and “Take My Breath Away.”  The latter is sung by Quinn and is perfect for her voice. 

Liveblogging Dancing with the "Stars": TRIO DANCE (?) NIGHT

What is Trio Dance Night, you ask? I haven't a clue. It sounds vaguely like a threesome. Should be an interesting night in the ballroom. No matter what happens, Jerkel won't be a part of it. Jaleel and Kym got axed last week, which officially surprised me and vaguely bummed me out. Kid could dance. Better than, say, MELISSA GILBERT. (Sorry, Mom.) To be sure we'll all be ready to watch the train wreck that will be Bachelorette Emily in a couple weeks, two "stars" are on the chopping block tonight. I'm pretty sure Donald dropped an un-censored F-bomb during rehearsal. Let's get this party started.

Donald and Peta: Dance 1: Tango to a pretty limp "Higher Ground." Oh, he said "tough." Disappointing. Dance is not disappointing, however. He's got mad flexibility for an athlete. Open hips, loose hamstrings. Again I say--he yogas. The judges are giddy. AND HOLD THE EFFING PHONE, SO AM I. Tomorrow is the one night I look most forward to in a Dancing season: It's Kenny Mayne and Dance Center!!! The scores are almost an afterthought at this point, but here they are: Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9. What does Donald have to do to get a 10? Cure cancer during the tango?

Derek and Whoever: Whoever is wearing a tissue-paper dress the likes of which Michael Kors absolutely loathes on Project Runway. It is ombre, though, which is nice. They're dancing the Viennese Waltz, which I love. Well, they're trying to. Man, I don't know if these two are actually going out or if it's a Rock Hudson/Doris Day situation, but they're really pushing these two. And if it gets them more votes, I'm fine with it. Sex it up, guys. The dance is lacking in luster for me. It felt perfunctory and forced, much like any relationship between them would probably be. GOD, she's crying. Ridiculous. And Carrie Ann just used the phrase "very unique," which is a pet peeve of mine. Scores after the break. Derek just apologized for being a jerk during rehearsal. Derek, you never need to apologize. CA: 10; L: 8; B: 10. WOW, they're split.

Melissa Gilbert and Wax: Wax is swearing up a STORM. It's pretty awesome, actually. The only thing non-censored he said was "three." It is Trio Dance Night! Fox Trot. They botch like the very first steps. Melissa got NO HOLD. She's flopping around like Loki after the Hulk got a hold of him. Wax shrugged after they finished. Just the ringing endorsement you want. Well, CA is saying that she looked "relaxed." Floppy, I say. Scores after the break. Wax is also apologizing, but it sounds completely insincere. And he wiped away what Brooke assumed was a tear but was actually sweat. That's fun. CA: 8; L: 8; B: 8.

Katherine and Ballas: I'm not a fan of any Ballas costume that doesn't showcase the ink. Just putting that out there. But oooh, Viennese Waltz. They're trying to do this little twirl thing and she keeps wiping them both out. Oh, the way this is styled, it looks like a lame dance interpretation of an elderly society matron having an affair with a newsboy. It's pretty, but they're not bringing the sexy. At least she didn't sweep the leg. And they inexplicably keep dance acting well after the music ends. Len just called the twirl thing the "spinny thing." Either way, neither of us like it. The judges are fighting with each other and not talking to the camera, and Bruno looks like he's about to cut a bitch. Trio Night brings out the worst in everyone. Scores after the break.

Wait a minute--they have completely raped Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon for an intel ad. That's depressing.

Okay, we're back. No one is apologizing, crying, or sweating. CA: 8; L: 9; B: 9.

Baby Roshon and Chelsie: Fox trot. That doesn't necessarily require a man, so maybe they'll do okay. Oddly, Roshon's grandmothers just showed up at rehearsal. One of them is actually being pretty harsh, which I like. Ugh. Props. That doesn't bode well. Remember Gavin DeGraw's canoe? You know, I think he's just one of those people who look awkward all the time, whether they're moving correctly or not. Chelsie is trying to choreograph around it, and with a cutesie dance like this it sort of works, but he needs to go home. The thought of this brat doing the Paso chills my blood. The judges are pleased. Scores after the break. CA: 10 (wtf?); L: 9; B: 10 (wtmf?)

William "I'm very handsome" Levy and Cheryl: Levy gave Cheryl some flowers, and she replied that the perfect birthday gift would be nailing . . . the two dances. I'm rooting for these two to get it on. In front of a cheesy silk screen of Paris--dancing the fox trot. Hey--this is kind of sexy and fun. Carrie Ann is again totally out of control. All she's saying is "hot and sexy." CA: 10 (of course); L: 10 (wow!); B: 10 (natch). I do think they were the best of the night.

Next up--the mysterious "trio dance." Yeah, it's totally like a three-way. Each pair gets to pick a third pro to, ahem, join them.

Donald and Peeta and Karina: Jive. A few wardrobe malfunctions, but it's fun. Though having two professionals (anything I type sounds like a sexual euphemism during Trio Dance Night) sort of showcases how much better they are than the "star." Donald did just leapfrog over both of them (sigh), which was athletic, if nothing else. Bruno has just made the first threesome joke. We are kindred spirits. Scores, and Derek in harem pants, after the break. CA: 10; L: 9; B: 9. They just will not give him a triple 10!

Derek and Whoever and Henry:  Derek and Henry are wearing pants last seen on Yul Brenner in The King and I. Okay, Derek is being sort of innovative and doing Bollywood. That's a good idea. Okay, this is really rad. It's geniusly choreographed, which is what D does best. Since she's a crap dancer, it failed, but as a dance, it's great. I wish a better dancer had done it. Oooh, Len hated it. He's judging the samba, not a Bollywood number. This is so Strictly Ballroom! After the break, scores, and Wax and Mini-Wax double-teaming Melissa. This is getting really perverse. CA: 9; L: 7; B: 9. That was almost bound to happen.

Melissa and Wax and Mini-Wax: Wax and his bro are just totally dancing together. You know, I don't hate this. The shiny-chested brothers like each other way more than either of them like Melissa, and actually look happy when they're dancing. And now the sexual innuendos aren't even really innuendos. Carrie Ann called her the cream filling in a Cherminiokhsky sandwich, and Bruno added that it takes two men to get the best out of Melissa. CA: 9; L: 9; B: 9.

Katherine and Ballas and Tristan:  Nothing wrong with this combo. Tattoos aplenty. The fools are wearing suits. But also sunglasses. MAJOR wardrobe malfunction. One cuff of her tearaway pant, well, didn't so much. She kicked it off, but now it's in the middle of the floor like a sprained ankle waiting to happen. Yikes. The men do end up handcuffed together, though, so that's delightful. That was high concept but not so great in execution. Next, and I shit you not, Baby Roshon is dancing the effing paso. My worst fears realized. They have lost the handcuff key, just by the way. Strange things are afoot at the ballroom. CA: 10; L: 9; B: 10.

Baby Roshon and Chelsie and Sacha:  They picked Sacha because he's "good at being masculine." He's like the pinch man for the dance. The paso is about sexually charged anger. So your balls sort of need to have descended. Sorry Roshon. His "masculine" expression looks a lot like Blue Steel. I'm just sad for the paso right now. Yuck. CA: 9; L: 9; B: 9. Whatever.

Levy and Cheryl and Dancing Mark Ruffalo: Ooh, a paso with these three? Yes, please. Smoke machine. Levy is dressed like Zoro. All good so far. You know, I was skeptical about the capes, but they are WORKING. And this is how you do an effing paso--you're supposed to touch. That was pretty hot. I would really enjoy having a dress like Cheryl's. Carrie Ann is talking about Levy's pelvis. Natch. CA: 9; L: 9; B: 9. Fair enough.

Do yourself a favor and tune in for Dance Center tomorrow with Kenny. You'll be glad you did.

The Avengers - Boy did they assemble.

 The Avengers

 Director: JOSS EFFING WHEDON! 

Sometimes there’s too much going for something and it can only serve to disappoint.  For instance, I love the Marvel superhero movies.  I loved Iron Man and Captain America.  I liked Iron Man 2 and (I’m in the minority on this) I really liked Thor.  Also I love Joss Whedon.  This is no surprise to readers of this blog.  Heck, it’s in our subject line up there.  I loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer (movie and TV show), Firefly, Angel, Dr. Horrible, and I even liked Dollhouse.  Combine my love for Joss with Marvel and The Avengers should have been a perfect storm of love.  It’s situations like these that test one’s expectations.  Rarely are expectations met.  They can be exceeded or they can be...  Eh, screw it…

I freaking loved this movie. 

Sure, I’m coming at this with huge bias but Joss rarely lets me down.  The man has a knack for humor, action, and drama (without the melo).  He’s a talented director and an even more talented writer.  Plus he surrounds himself with other super-talented people.  So he’s smart too.  The other reason I knew Joss could handle this movie, with all these big characters and egos, is that the man can do ensemble like no one else.  Buffy fans can attest to this.  Ancillary characters (don’t hit me but they’re not the original Scoobies) like Anya, Tara, and even the abominable Dawn were perfectly fleshed out.  And the fact that Joss is more of a pop culture junkie than I am (it’s true, I’m nothing compared to his encyclopedic knowledge of all things pop culture) endears him to me like nothing else.

The writing: it’s a good story and had a good plot; there’s gravity to what they were doing; and lots of humor (mostly physical but some great lines).  Everyone served their purpose well.  The point of Thor being there to reach out to his brother was just right.  Cappy stepping up into a leadership role but knowing when to provide support to the ego-maniacal (but rightly so) Tony Stark was perfect.  Speaking of Tony, he really does get the best lines but you have to be paying attention.  Dude even threw out a Lord of the Rings reference.  Did you catch it?  I laughed out loud and next to me, a 12 year-old girl stared at me in confusion.  Sorry, kid but there are some jokes you’re just not going to get.  A lot of the humor whizzed by so I’m sure I’ll catch more of it when I see it again.  And again. And maybe again.  How many times can one see a movie before it gets weird and stalkery?  There haven't been many movies that I’ve wanted to marry but this was one of them.

The directing: I mean, what else can I say?  The camera work was great and even though it moved a lot, it made sense.  The pacing was perfect.  Assembling the team took its time and the action after was just right.  The explosions were big, the effects were great, and the acting was solid.  Speaking of…

The cast: As mentioned, Joss knows how to work with a big group.  You can have an ensemble film but typically there are a few characters/actors who will rise to the top leaving the rest to support them.  One could argue that Tony Stark/RDJ had a lot of the focus in this film but if that’s true it’s only by a little.  Everyone did a great job.  Somehow Samuel L. Jackson seemed reigned in.  That’s not an easy feat.  Jackson's Nick Fury needed to be the calm director of the crazy train and he did just that without being too, well, Sam Jackson-y about it. 

I’m not the biggest Mark Ruffalo fan and I have a strange loyalty to Edward Norton so I was a little miffed at the casting change.  This is inexplicable because I didn’t even like The Incredible Hulk but I do have a weakness for Norton.  Yes, I know he can be a dick.  I don’t care.  But Mark did a great job and I see why Joss went with him.  He has the fragility needed for a character like Bruce Banner.  Plus I gotta say… this was the best looking Hulk yet.  I love when cg characters work so well. 

This was our chance to get to know some of the (film franchise’s) newer and lesser known characters.  For example we got to know Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye a bit more and the film served as a decent introduction.  There’s more to explore with him but the dude will be getting his own movie.  He better.  Along with Hawkeye we got a lot more of Black Widow.  For me this was a make-or-break part of the movie.  I don’t love ScarJo.  I have loved some of her roles (Lost in Translation) but I don’t care much for her.  I didn’t hate her in this.  In fact I enjoyed her quite a bit.  She kicked ass.  Also impressive was the only other female involved (I don’t count Gwyneth.  Ever.), SHIELD’s Agent Hill played by Cobie “Robin Sparkles”Smulders.  I was paying close attention to Ms. Smulders because this is her big chance to leap from the small screen.  I think she totally held her own in a room full of big names. 

Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Tom Hiddleston (love him so very much) as Loki, and Chris Evans as Captain America all did fantastic jobs.  Whedon gave a nod to their respective films and then expanded beyond a bit.  I think this is something a director with TV experience knows how to do.  You need to be able to work within the cannon and not change things too much but still be able to push forward.

Ok, I could ramble on forever.  I really am going to see it a few more times.  I want to see it on an IMAX screen and it just so happens that one of my local theaters is showing it in 3D on their IMAX screen.  Well there goes a week’s pay but it’ll be worth it.

Tracy saw The Avengers this weekend.  I'm gonna read her review at Examiner.com right now and so should you.

Silver Lode. Meh.

Natalie and I are seriously underwhelmed by Silver Lode over at Docs on Films.

It looks like a National Lampoon cover, but isn't nearly as intentionally funny.

Trailer Park Time!!!

Y'all!  It's been a while since I've done one of these.  

In honor of The Avengers, I'm posting all action trailers today.  

So buckle up!

CHILLS!!! I HAVE ACTUAL CHILLS!

Could be good but I'm not a fan of the varying types of camera work.

Nice! Yes, I will be seeing this one.

Not a lot of new footage but still looks great.

Speaking of Tom "Mmmmm" Hardy

I'm still not sure about this one but it has to be better than the first one, right?  Anyone?

Have a great weekend!  GO SEE THE AVENGERS!!!

Natalie murders The Raven

Look. Ravens.

So while I was finishing grading The Papers That Ate My Apartment, Natalie saw The Raven. She and Alisa are on the same page. Natalie and her boyfriend wanted to warn me of its badness, so I thought I'd let her warn all of you at the same time.

The Raven staring a duller than dull John Cusack doing a lackluster, well-fed, under-drunk Poe features around five hundred ravens. We have ravens in trees, raven in coffins of sorts, ravens flying poignantly, ravens eating a dead cat, ravens cawing at appropriate moments, ravens . . . ravens . . . ravens . . . . not to mention the fact that “The Raven” is quoted every five minutes. We get it. Poe wrote “The Raven.” You know what else he wrote? “Annabel Lee” which the writers seem to think a current lover of Poe’s (fictional lover, not biographical) would find romantic. Of course! “Honey, you know that poem you wrote about the dead love of your life? You know the one where you said ‘neither the angels in heaven above, Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee.’ That’s so ROMANTIC! I just LOVE how much you love your soul-mate of a dead wife. Let’s get married now!” It’s about as astute as an American Idol contestant singing “Dance with my Father” to her father who is to deploy soon—girlie, the song is about a DEAD father. But, the AI contestant is 16. The writers of the screenplay are presumably older. What this movie would have been appropriate for is a middle school class project to use Poe’s stories creatively—and I mean if the middle-school students wrote it.

We are confronted with several problems in this film that I’m going to try to state succinctly rather than full-on ranting. The first is the over- and mis-use of Poe’s most famous poems while under-using the murderous plots that presumably drive the killer. There is an intense lack of creativity using Poe’s stories as well as a complete lack of finesse; and a few chronological issues regarding publication dates tossed in for fun. The second is the performances. I’m a Cusack fan and appreciated how much he looks like Poe without much contrivance though a tad more sallow would have helped. But, really, Cusack needed to actually show up. I’m not a fan of Luke Evans’ performance either but that may be an instance of my not being a fan of his at all because he strikes me as a not-James McAvoy who always ends up in melodramatic, over-acted roles. The actors, all of them, also seem to employ a strange “quick!! stop dead while in the middle of a line or, particularly, a chase” for supposed dramatic effect that is annoying. The third problem is the dialogue. None of the words coming from characters mouths sound like they would have been uttered in 1849 much less by a literary figure. The fourth is the questionable historical accuracy. I understand that the film is attempting to create a story to fill the gap in Poe’s life immediately before his death and that isn’t a problem. Please, employ creative license there. My gripe is with useless inaccurate details like the doctor using a magnet to ferret out the location of a bullet. Lead isn’t magnetic and the bullet would have been made of lead. Copper jackets were the first metal change to lead bullets and that happened well after Poe’s death (besides the fact that copper is also not magnetic). There are a few instances of these inaccuracies and the infuriating part is that they could have simply been excluded. The fifth problem could be a spoiler. There is only one person in the movie who could be the killer. Only one. Meaning, there is no mystery. There is no suspense. And there is certainly no plot even close to on par with one of Poe’s. The film is more of a slow-motion stop and go chase sequence gone too long and boring rather than a murder mystery. And that is really the greatest sin of the film: taking a master’s murder mysteries and doing nothing with them.