Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Twilight Saaaahhhgah: Breaking Dawn Part 1

aka Twilight 4.1
Director: Bill Condon
Stars: Does it matter?

Oh Twilight.  So I saw this on Sunday with my friend who shares my weird and inexplicable obsession with Twilight.  We both acknowledge that the books, while addictive, were not by any means great literature.  We both find ourselves stopping on whatever channel happens to be airing any of the movies.  It's like the worst kind of accident and we just cannot look away.

I'm not going to bother you with the story.  If you're actually interested in the movie you'll see it no matter what anyone says.  Ok, the skinny is: human girl and vampire guy get married, go on a honeymoon, consummate the thing and human girl gets pregnant by vampire guy.  Say what?!?!  I can't argue the lack of logic there because to do so I'd have to argue the existence of vampires so I'm not gonna go there.  Plus a young adult book series I really like is based on half-human/half-vampires called dhampirs so I gotta let it go.  Anywhoodle, human girl is pregnant with a thing and it's sucking the life out of human girl.  Baby thing gets born and vampire guy tries to turn human girl at the last minute to save her life, yada, yada, yada.  Ridiculous.  Yes, I know.  Do I care? Not in the least.  I will love these blasted books/movies until the day I die. While reading the fourth book I had to walk away from it numerous times because I was so entirely pissed at the choices made by the author.  I even threw the book at one point.  I've never had that reaction before.  Books are sacred.  So far though, this movie isn't as rage inducing as the book was so there's that.

Let's get to the good, bad and ugly.  The good, and there was some, took place in the first half of the movie.  The bad was the second half and some elements of the first half as well.  The ugly does not apply to anyone in the movie but to almost everyone's wig.  Seriously.  Who does their wigs?  While mostly better in every other aspect, this movie still has sucky wigs.

If I get into the bad we'll be here all night.  Let's just say that no matter the director, award winning or not, if the source material sucks, the movie will suck as well.  If you have a group of so-so actors, the movie will suck.  If you let the wig person also choose the engagement ring, which has to be the case, the movies. Will. Suck.  Oh and if you give us a ridiculous scene involving the inner dialogues of wolves we may not forgive you.  Seriously, this one scene with the wolves, who communicate via telepathy, yelling at each other and asserting their dominance was AWFUL.  I couldn't help but laugh.  Also, the sex scene gave the girl next to me the giggles.  She was easily in her 20s and was feeling that uncomfortable about it.

What was good?  Well mostly everyone is aesthetically pleasing to the eye.  Kristen Stewart looked lovely for half the movie and may even be growing into her awkwardness.  Y'all, she even finished a few sentences without stammering!  I'm a big RPatz fan and have been since he showed up in HP4.  I like his looks and do not blame him for the absolute insanity that surrounds him.  Lautner was less whiny and more take charge, which was a nice change for him.  The CGI for Bella's body transformation in the second half was pretty believable even though the wolves looked way worse than the previous movies.  Uh, let's see...um, the island where they took their honeymoon was beautiful.  Oh! I got one!  Michael Sheen, though only in one scene, did a great job.  He's so deliciously fun.  Sooooo that's about it.  Go read Tracy's review on the examiner.  I am still having trouble putting my thoughts into words. Maybe words for this kind of thing just don't exist.

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