Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Bachelor got nekkid, y'all

Though it wasn't so much hot as deeply, deeply sad, since he did it (pun probably intended) with Courtneythemodel.

Keep it classy, The Bachelor

She continues to offend on almost every level, rationalizing her birthday-suited bogarting of BB by pontificating that he had "probably never gone skinny dipping with a model." And isn't that everyone's fondest wish?

Don't answer that.
So who else embarrassed themselves and their country last night while The Bachelor was in Puerto Rico?

The Creeper Rose: BB and Nicki. After their one-on-one date got rained out and they had to buy new clothes,

Apparently from the wardrobe castoffs of the Buena Vista Social Club

they made their way to a church where someone who had never been on this show was getting married. So they stayed and watched. And watched. And stood up to get a better view. Then BB had the sensitivity and good manners to ask the divorced Nicki if she hated to watch weddings now.

The "On behalf of America, I apologize" Rose: Roberto Clemente. Clemente, an all-star baseball player and human being, died in a tragic plane accident delivering food aid to earthquake victims in Nicaragua.

Pictured: Someone who would never be on The Bachelor.

His native Puerto Rico erected a baseball stadium in his honor. I don't think they had a Bachelorette-on-Bachelorette baseball game with the winners getting a romantic beach date with BB in mind.

One team won, the other team cried, Kacie B got the rose. She's now my new favorite, for the sole reason that she has curly hair.

That's where we're at, people.
The I Still Hate You, but That Was Damn Funny Rose: Courtneythemodel. When watching "VIP Cocktail Waitress" Blakeley dominate the diamond, Courtneythemodel remarked, "Who knew strippers could play baseball."

Which begs the question, what do strippers use for rally caps?

The "He can smell the desperate" Rose: Elyse. The personal trainer finally got her one-on-one date, on which she shared sentiments like "I gave up my job and skipped my best friend's wedding to be on this show"; "Let's just get married now on this boat"; "I'm so sick of being single"; "I'm ready to be engaged." BB recoiled visibly, and sent her home sans rose. Her tearful farewell? "I don't know what I did wrong." Really?

I certainly know what BB did wrong. Look at those pants!

The For God's Sake, Let It Go Rose: "PhD student" Emily. She used her one-on-one time at the cocktail party to tell BB she regretted talking smack about Courtneythemodel the previous week. She decided the best way to communicate this apology was by talking more smack about Courtneythemodel. BB told her to "tread carefully."

Who are you, the friggin' Godfather?

And who went home? Jennifer! The one girl I liked, and BB seemed to. Just goes to show you, every bitch on this show is just one Rose Ceremony away from an ugly cry in the backseat of a limo.

So much for being the best kisser.

Next week? Panama City. At least BB has the perfect outfit.

1 comment:

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