The Bachelor got nekkid, y'all

Though it wasn't so much hot as deeply, deeply sad, since he did it (pun probably intended) with Courtneythemodel.

Keep it classy, The Bachelor

She continues to offend on almost every level, rationalizing her birthday-suited bogarting of BB by pontificating that he had "probably never gone skinny dipping with a model." And isn't that everyone's fondest wish?

Don't answer that.

So who else embarrassed themselves and their country last night while The Bachelor was in Puerto Rico?

The Creeper Rose: BB and Nicki. After their one-on-one date got rained out and they had to buy new clothes,

Apparently from the wardrobe castoffs of the Buena Vista Social Club

they made their way to a church where someone who had never been on this show was getting married. So they stayed and watched. And watched. And stood up to get a better view. Then BB had the sensitivity and good manners to ask the divorced Nicki if she hated to watch weddings now.

The "On behalf of America, I apologize" Rose: Roberto Clemente. Clemente, an all-star baseball player and human being, died in a tragic plane accident delivering food aid to earthquake victims in Nicaragua.

Pictured: Someone who would never be on The Bachelor.

His native Puerto Rico erected a baseball stadium in his honor. I don't think they had a Bachelorette-on-Bachelorette baseball game with the winners getting a romantic beach date with BB in mind.

One team won, the other team cried, Kacie B got the rose. She's now my new favorite, for the sole reason that she has curly hair.

That's where we're at, people.

The I Still Hate You, but That Was Damn Funny Rose: Courtneythemodel. When watching "VIP Cocktail Waitress" Blakeley dominate the diamond, Courtneythemodel remarked, "Who knew strippers could play baseball."

Which begs the question, what do strippers use for rally caps?

The "He can smell the desperate" Rose: Elyse. The personal trainer finally got her one-on-one date, on which she shared sentiments like "I gave up my job and skipped my best friend's wedding to be on this show"; "Let's just get married now on this boat"; "I'm so sick of being single"; "I'm ready to be engaged." BB recoiled visibly, and sent her home sans rose. Her tearful farewell? "I don't know what I did wrong." Really?

I certainly know what BB did wrong. Look at those pants!

The For God's Sake, Let It Go Rose: "PhD student" Emily. She used her one-on-one time at the cocktail party to tell BB she regretted talking smack about Courtneythemodel the previous week. She decided the best way to communicate this apology was by talking more smack about Courtneythemodel. BB told her to "tread carefully."

Who are you, the friggin' Godfather?

And who went home? Jennifer! The one girl I liked, and BB seemed to. Just goes to show you, every bitch on this show is just one Rose Ceremony away from an ugly cry in the backseat of a limo.

So much for being the best kisser.

Next week? Panama City. At least BB has the perfect outfit.

Being Human

"All Out of Blood" and so lost without you...

We open with Josh giving Nora and Sally a tour of the storage lockers he's rented for safe shifting.  He'd also like to record them to use for his research on fixing the wolfie problem they have.  Nora's a little creeped out by it but Josh is trying to stay positive.  Sally agrees to lock them in because she's got nothing else going on.  While there she does spot her creepy, black smoke lingering.  I wonder if it makes a clanking noise and turns into the form of a dearly departed loved one.  Wait, that's another show.

Aidan wakes up next to a (thankfully) live 'chick from the hospital/bar' and I realize she probably has a name that I managed to miss.  She got the residency job at the hospital so now they'll get to see each other every day at work and make swoony eyes when they pass in the halls.  I'm sure if they break up it won't be awkward at all.  They get amorous but in order for Aidan to not bite her he must get a quickie blood fix.

The roomies catch up at the hospital and Aidan spills about his new lady-friend.  A nurse with second sight spots Sally looking at the babies in the natal unit and tells her to get in line with the others. Uh, what others?  And why is there a line of ghosties watching babies?  The ghosts tell Sally that the nurse, Zoe, is able to assist in reincarnating ghosts into babies so they can live again.  It's best to stay on Zoe's good side so she can give you another shot at life.  In another part of the hospital Aidan is trying unsuccessfully to replenish his blood supply from the blood bank.  Turns out the higher ups have noticed missing blood from their stores and have limited access.  Oops!  That can't be good. 

At the house Aidan and his lady-friend (I should really look her up) are getting frisky again but he needs a blood hit so as not to nibble on her neck.  He runs into Josh who gives him a dorky thumbs up and heads off to his own room where Nora is waiting.  Her sense of smell is on high alert and after a quick lesson in small they too get frisky.

The next morning everyone is congregating in the kitchen and Sally informs them she is considering the reincarnation thing.  They laugh it off and the subject quickly changes when Aidan's lady-friend joins in.  Her name is Julia as in Josh's ex-fiance, Julia.  Whoa.  Understandably she rushes off and Josh chases after her to apologize and explain as best he can.  He ditched her lo those many years ago but for good reason (to protect her from his wolfie ways) but he can't really tell her why.  This isn't good enough for her.

At the hospital Sally watches Zoe host a reincarnation and then talks to her about the situation.  Sally explains she missed her door because she was helping her roommates.  Zoe is intrigued about these roommates who can see dead people too so she interviews them about Sally's candidacy for reincarnation.  Who knew it'd be so political?  Before the interview Aidan and Josh try to patch things up about Julia.  Josh feels protective of her still and is unsure Aidan could really control himself around her.  Apparently it's a moot point because Aidan doesn't want to pursue anything now that he knows she's Josh's ex.  Sally interrupts with a funny Dawson's Creek reference and says that Zoe is on her way.  After the interview Zoe rushes out and says she can't help Sally due to her (assumed) residual anger from being murdered and all.  Sally tells her she's trying to get away from the smoke monster (not that one, this other one).  Uh, that's not how you sell it, Sally.  Zoe and I are on the same page about the creepy smoke monster then haunting whatever baby she'd be in.  Not a great plan.  Later she protects the baby from the smoke monster and Zoe agrees to try and help her get rid of it.

Meanwhile Nora and Julia talk at the hospital.  It doesn't go terribly well.  Julia still thinks Josh is a selfish jerk and Nora tries to stick up for him without spilling the real reason he left her.  Nora realizes she doesn't want to be locked up and would rather be free in the woods.  Josh tries to use the 'you're a killer argument' but it doesn't work because she remembers what happened in the woods that night.  She's also pissed that Josh protected Julia from himself and his wolfie issues but didn't care enough about her to do the same.  Now's he condemned her to this sucky life.  She's got a point.  Meanwhile Julie still thinks she and Aidan have a future but he shoots her down.  As he walks away he's visibly upset but knows he's doing the right thing.  He goes to get a fix from a willing (and charging) donor.  Live blood makes him a totally different guy and that's not good.

Nora shows up at the storage place realizing she's a danger after she had followed Julia home, likely with the intention of scratching her too.  She should know what she's been missing with Josh, right?  She changed her mind and almost got hit by a car in the process.  Poor thing.  No wonder Josh wants to find a cure for her.  He does feel terribly guilty about it.

The Artist

The Artist
Director: Michel Hazanavicius
Stars: Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo, and Uggie

Did you hear that people were leaving the theater because they didn't know the movie was actually going to be silent, like all the way through?  Really.  It's too bad they left.  It was a sweet, special movie that should be seen over and over again.  It probably won't change lives but it'll transport you to another time and who doesn't like that?

The story is a simple one.  A very popular silent film actor greets the talkies with disdain.  No one will want to hear him talk.  He's an artist who doesn't need tricks like sound!  His career takes a downward turn and to add insult to injury the stock market crashes.  Meanwhile a young ingenue (who owes her career to him) is having great success and almost lets it get to her head.  She doesn't and he benefits from it.  The impact they have on each other is measurable and this time we're the ones who benefit.

The ONLY thing I didn't like about the movie was the aspect ratio and it's something my friend Kate didn't even notice, which shows I'm just nitpicky.  It was probably a choice early on that the director made so that it would truly reflect the movies it honors.  It was a little distracting for me but I can forgive it.

The actors all did a fabulous job with showing emotion and not mugging or hamming it up when not needed.  The direction was great.  It was shot beautifully.  The music was perfect.  I just can't say enough nice things.  I keep going back to the two words that won't leave my head, "sweet" and "special."  There's not much else out there like this and I hope other movie makers are inspired to push the envelope in this kind of direction.  Not that I think we need an onslaught of silent movies.  I'm just encouraged by this kind of creativity.

In fact it was a good movie weekend for me.  I watched The Tree of Life on DVD and Tracy really hit the nail on the head with her review.  I watched Margin Call on Saturday on DVD as well. That was a really great movie and incredibly depressing in its reality.  Then my weekend wrapped with The Artist.  This makes up for last weekend when I saw Underworld: We're Still Making These and Haywire.  I can't even get myself to write about Underworld.  It wasn't bad (it actually was OK considering it's an Underworld movie; I have an odd affinity for them) but I just have no motivation.  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe not.

Downton Abbey 2.5: Sticky wickets

In this mid-season episode, what's up is down and what's downstairs is now up. This hour finds Lady Mary in uniform carrying a bowl of "sick" and William ensconced in one of the nicest bedrooms in the manor. Again I quote Thomas the Snake: "War changes things," and this war has produced many an ethical dilemma in the Abbey. Spoilers aplenty follow.

The hour opens with the location stamp of Amiens, 1918.

Fuck.

Matthew is rallying the troops and William is rallying Matthew for one of the greatest British advances of the war. They both end up be-ditched and bloody. Meanwhile, both Daisy and Mary have a little psychic frisson when their respective faux-beaux are wounded. I could have done without that.

The news of the severity of Matthew's and William's condition reaches DA early in the morning, resulting in a delightful upstairs/downstairs pajama-d face-off. A neat encapsulation of the way the barriers between the classes are being erased by the sheer enormity of the conflict and casualties.

The Dowager Countess, whom I want to be when I grow up, heads to the village hospital to arrange for William's transfer, since his father can't afford to head to Leeds to visit him. Matthew is already on the way. Though her attempts to bully the Major into accepting William into his "officer's only" hospital fail--which leads to my favorite Violet quote of the night, "When you give these little people power it goes to their heads like strong drink."--she isn't beat just yet. Vi braves the garish telephone to call in a favor in Leeds,

The avatar of technological loathing.

and she and Lady Edith head off to collect William, surprisingly with nemesis Thomas's blessing. He expresses a "rise of the proles" solidarity with William. By the by, a Thomas/Branson pinko alliance would fill me with pleasure.













 It's a match made in slash-fic heaven.







As Bates and Anna head to the church to pray for Matthew and William (the former a little reluctantly, if you ask me), he lets loose with not one but two fate-tempting statements re: the once and not-future Mrs. Bates: "The divorce decree is only a formality." and "She's gone now." What are you thinking, Batesie? Of course she shows up at Downton Abbey not fifteen seconds later, having been summoned by the odious O'Brien.

One woman scorned, coming right up.

I must say, I've grown tired of Mrs. Bates. I don't get why she's such a shit. Odious O'Brien clearly feels disenfranchised, unliked, and unlovable, so she lashes out. Mrs. Bates is just a diabolus ex machina, who is still threatening to peddle the true story of the unfortunate Mr. Pamouk,

Remember him?

who is still hanging around this show like the ghost of Hamlet's father. Mary asks Sir Richard to bury the story, which he does in nifty Godfather-esque style using his newspaper powers, but only in the name of solidifying his engagement to Mary.

If Mrs. Bates had a phone, he would have hacked it.

You also get the sense that he'll be using this as leverage against Mary's social superiority for the rest of their lives. What a gentleman.

Speaking of gentlemen, Mrs. Hughes goes to visit the fallen maid Ethel and her illegitimate child.

Ethel and her baby daddy in happier times.

Ethel begs Mrs. H to pass along a letter to the deadbeat dad. Guess what? Doesn't work. The new maid, blue-eyed Jane, is a widowed mother . . . or so she says. When his Lordship mentions her sacrifice, there's a strange response I can't quite read.

Meanwhile, Daisy and Mrs. Patmore have been engaged in a pretty interesting moral argument. Should Daisy continue to lie to William about her feelings for him? Or is it kinder to allow him to believe that she cares until he recovers? That issue gets even more complicated with the arrival of the not-walking wounded in Downton. Violet and Edith have been informed by the doctor in Leeds that William has suffered a fatal injury to his lungs and won't be getting better. Ever.

Breaking up with him now better or worse than over Facebook? Discuss.

Mary, who has met Matthew at the village hospital, finds out that he won't be walking again. Ever.

When Mary was warned to hang back, I was expecting something truly grotesque. He just sort of looks like a post-basement Tyler Durden.

These diagnoses result in a sticky wicket.

Wheezy William (too soon?), being informed of his imminent demise, proposes to Daisy so she will have a widow's pension. She is conflicted about accepting, since he is operating under the assumption that they would have wanted to be together anyway. Daisy agrees, but is clearly uneasy with the arrangement.

You can't really see, but they did the deathbed up quite nice.

The best part about this whole subplot is when they send the smug and self-righteous vicar to the Dowager Countess who gives him quite a few reasons to "overcome your scruples." This was also like The Godfather.

Matthew, being informed of his lasting paralysis and inability to have sex (euphemisms for this abound in the episode), tries to send Lavinia packing, not wanting to doom her to a sexless marriage. How I wished that Lavinia would be relieved, but alas, she seems like a good person.

Damn.

So an engaged Mary is left trying to talk them both into staying together. Not hot.

And of course it would be crass for him to mention it, but Lord Grantham is more than a little concerned that the line now will end with Matthew. Which just highlights how ridiculous this whole entailment law is. It argues that Matthew's sperm is magic--but not even all his sperm, just the sperm that carries a Y-chromosome, resulting in a male child. Adoption? Doesn't count. Daughter? Doesn't count.

We leave with Matthew expiring (sad).

Who I liked during this episode: Lady Edith has become quite the stand-up sister this series. I kind of miss her ruthlessness, but she seems to be adapting well to the post-war world.

Who annoyed me during this episode: Cora! She was a bit haughty with the whole "they should have checked out the widowed maid with me" speech. Also, and it pains me to say it, Branson. He actually compared the Bolsheviks' execution of the Tsar and his family to Lady Sybil deciding to run away with him. Faulty analogy, red.

I can't stay mad at Branson.

Give It a Stream: Small Town Murder Songs

This film is like a novella by Faulkner, if he were Canadian and Mennonite rather than Mississippian and Christ-haunted. Small Town Murder Songs demonstrates a Faulknerian fascination with what happens when individual minds, bodies, and towns try to cope with the sort of epic passions and brutal violence that the Greeks invented drama to adequately capture. The film follows Walter (Peter Stormare), a middle-age police chief with a bloody past, as he struggles to subdue his inner demons while investigating a rape and murder in his community. The structure of the movie mimics the way Walter's mind consciously and subconsciously associates and revisits his own crime (and its harsh consequences on his romantic and familial relationships), while investigating the girl's death. The human impulse towards violence, which the film argues is pervasive and endemic, finds its objective correlative in both the bitchin' soundtrack--Canadian indie band Bruce Peninsula composed a series of pseudo-hymns and blues ballads that are shouted by a choir, hammering your brain like a baseball bat over shots of the deceptively tranquil landscape--and the religious exhortations that appear like chapter titles on the screen. Though the film only clocks in at an hour and fifteen minutes, its intricate characterization (aided by excellent performances not only by Stormare, but also Martha Plimpton and Jill Hennessy in supporting roles) and narrative pathos betray more sensitivity towards and curiosity about human beings than movies twice its length. Give it a stream!

Potent Notables

Wow, I haven't done one of these in a while.  Some of the links are old news but I still thought I'd share:

- I recently watched a marathon of Game of Thrones and, while I was impressed with the show, I was really impressed with the show’s titles.  I immediately went to Art of the Title to find out how they came up with them.  Then I remembered how much I like that site.

- Part of me wishes that Pawnee was a real town.   Not that I’d actually live there.  I mean, it’s Indiana. 

-  Speaking of Parks and Recreation...Ron and Andy want to help you survive the upcoming apocalypse.


- IFC lists the movie flops from 2011.  I disagree with their assessment of the problem with Conan.  It's totally what they made and not how.  


- I bet that a lot of the best monologues from movies get really misquoted too.


- Summer Roberts, aka Rachel Bilson, made a humorous video for Funny or Die.  I appreciate this because I'm still watching the show in question.  You are forewarned: it's a little language-y so I would recommend not watching this at work.


- Now these should be movie categories in an awards show.

- There is now proof (not that it was needed) that Maggie Smith is amazing and the writers of Downton are geniuses.  Someone has edited together the best of the Dowager Countess and it's pretty great. 


- If movie posters were honest, they'd look a little something like these do.


Have a fantastic weekend! 

30 Rock and Parks & Recreation - Didja watch?

Didja watch 30 Rock "Idiots are People Three!" and "The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell"

- Jack's nemesis, Devon Banks, shows up to use Tracy's offensive comedy as a way to blackmail Jack into helping him. Devon wants to get his triplets into the most prestigious preschool in NYC so Jack has to call in a bunch of favors to help him out. 

- Tracy and his idiots have formed a group...National Association of Zero Intolerance...and are still protesting Liz and TGS.  In order to get them to stop protesting Liz has to give in to their demands which include airing a Denise Richards music video.

- Liz is also contending with all of her boyfriend's flaws that Jack has unhelpfully pointed out.  Criss, the boyfriend, wants to use Jack's investment money for a food truck so he doesn't get in trouble for selling things from a van to kids.


- Jack gets Devon's gaybies (Jack's word, not mine...but yes, I repeated it) into the school and this is when Devon points out that Jack had to use all his favors up and won't be able to get his own daughter into the school.  She'll have to go to...gasp!...public school!  Thanks to a talk with Tracy, Jack realizes that kids who have a tougher time usually end up being better adults so he's cool with it.

- Criss tries to give the money back to Jack because he doesn't understand Jack's relationship with Liz (Jack explains that she's his "subordifriend").  Jack changes his mind about Criss but I can't remember why.

-Meanwhile Kenneth and Jenna, with help from Kelsey Grammar, are still trying to deal with Pete.  Kelsey stages a one-man Lincoln show to distract the NBC employees while Kenneth and Jenna move Pete's now conscious body.  They still manage to stage it like he's been drunk/high for the past few days though. It's all very strange but then this show tends to be strange anyway. 

On the later episode (by now I was tired of the show and really missing Community):
- Jenna betrays Liz for fame so they break up.  Jenna decides she should hang out with people like her (an unheard of Kardashian, the "Charlie bit my finger" kid, and Mankind.  Liz finds someone just like her and realizes their friendship won't work because they're too similar.

- Jack has to track down a gift he bought for the new owner of NBC and fires the pages too.  What will Kenneth do?  Maybe he and the pages will protest but then I think they did that once before on this show.  Jack replaces them with a computer and by the end of the show realizes that computers aren't as great as people because it's easier to blame your mistakes on a human.


- Tracy is having a birthday and gets depressed about life when he realizes he's so rich he has everything so what is there to live for?  Grizz and Dot Com spend the episode trying to prove that life is worth living.


On Parks and Recreation "Bowling for Votes"

 - There's a focus group to determine the public opinion of Leslie.  They don't really like her all that much and one guy even says she doesn't look like someone you could bowl with.  This sets Leslie off because she really is a good bowler.  Just ask Ron.  So Leslie is now determined to get this guy, Derrick, to like her.  She organizes a bowling event to get to know voters but really she just wants Derrick to like her.  She'll even let him win!

- April, Andy, Chris, Donna and Jerry are at April and Andy's house (and Ben's) to call folks to raise money for the campaign.  Jerry offers a bonus of movie tickets to the Pawnee monoplex to the person who raises the most money.  Just to make the ever chipper Chris's happiness go away, April vows to beat him. 

- Back at the Rock 'N Bowl, Tom is bowling with Ann and Ron and grannies it down the lane.  This infuriates Ron but gets Tom a strike.  Ron ends up hurting Tom's fingers and Tom makes this pitiful whiney noises like a little, hurt bird. 

- Chris tells the group at the house that he wants to ask Jerry's daughter to move in with her.  He leaves the room and Jerry tells them his daughter actually wants to dump Chris instead. She does and he's pretty dang upset about it.  April wins the movie tickets and is so sweet that she buys an extra ticket and invites Chris to hang out with her and Andy sometime.  Wow.

- Leslie is bowling with Derrick and is letting him win.  He goes to leave and still won't vote for her.  The conversation escalates and he calls Leslie a bitch.  Twice.  On the second one Ben punches him.  Good thing there's a photographer from the paper there to catch it on film!  Ben wants to resign but Leslie loves that he did it.  She holds a press conference with Derrick and almost apologizes but then changes her mind.  He calls her a bitch again and proves her point.  They show the press conference footage to a new focus group and they like Leslie.  They like her a lot.  Yay!

"Expecting" (Angel 1.12): Um, ew.

So yet again we have an episode that reminds us precisely how much of a disappointment season 4 is going to be. It also, I think, fits pretty neatly into the "sex is bad and dangerous" undertone that sometimes crops up in the Buffyverse.

They should include this episode in fundamentalist "sex ed' curricula.

So begins the Angel guide to figuring out who (not) to have a one-night stand with.

DON'T go home with a guy who wears this to a trendy club.

Jenn has invoked the "pleated pants as sign of evil" rule.

Or looks like this.

This guy screams my sperm has been cursed by a demon.

Really, Cordelia's entire unholy demon pregnancy could have been avoided by following the simple "no pleated pants or porn 'stache" rule. But alas, she did fall for Ken Marino's "photographer," invited him in for tea (??!!!) and woke up in her third trimester.


DO be suspicious of extremely rapid gestation. Looking at you too, Twilight.

The expressions everyone hopes to see at their first sonogram.

Cordelia's seven demonettes begin to infiltrate her mind, and she bashes Wesley over the head to join her fellow incubators in some disgusting demon spawning tub.

Ricki Lake would be horrified.

DO be glad that Angel and Wesley are protective and badass.

The 'stache alone made him vamp out.

Admittedly, badassery is relative.

It's always nice to have someone who will check up on you when you don't show up to work, and slay a hideous demon who has impregnated you using a lounge lizard sperm-surrogate. Ah, friends.

Lounge lizard isn't even a metaphor in this case.

So, as my intrepid co-watcher Jenn notes, this is not the last time Cordy will be impregnated by a demon. We were also wondering if this was, in fact, Cordelia's first time? She and Xander never got groiny. If so, let's all take a moment to feel really, really bad for her. It takes that whole "you can get pregnant the first time" warning and turns it up to 11.

Bachelor fouls abound!

The madness continued on The Bachelor last night in Park City, Utah.

Who do you think you are, BB? Lindzi?

Luckily it didn't taint the hallowed Main Street where Sundance films premiere and Robert Redford strides like a colossus. The action was mostly confined to Canyons Resort, as Chris Harrison helpfully plugged at the beginning of the show, before disappearing until the rose ceremony. Where has Chris been this season? I miss the days when Bachelor Jake was running to him for advice every fifteen minutes. Come on, Chris. If I can stand to stage a rose ceremony for free, you can certainly occasionally host the show you're hosting.

The "Have you ever seen this show?" Rose: Kacie B. Now that we're on episode 5, we're all hip-deep in Bachelor cliches. Kacie, who went on the first one-on-one date with BB what seems like eons ago, can't stand to see him with other women because of the obligatory "we have a connection" whining. Bachelor foul! Apparently she thought he would go ahead and pop the question and/or sequester himself from the other contestants right after their baton-twirling night out at the home movies. Silly Kacie. The creepy ring salesman hasn't even show up yet!

If only hand symbols made it so.

The Vapid Conversationalist Rose: Rachel. She peppered their one-on-one obligatory helicopter date with gems like:
"I love fresh air."
"I haven't felt like this since my last relationship."
And my personal favorite:
"This fire is hot."

[Crickets chirping.]

BB inexplicably presented her with a rose at the end of the date, which would annoy me if I weren't looking so forward to more awkwardness to come.

The No Rose Ceremony for You Rose: Samantha. She corners BB after a group date spent fly fishing and demands to know why he hasn't given her a one-on-one yet. As an aside, I love how using Bachelor lingo makes the show sound much more sexual than it actually is. BB responds with escorting her ass out after making no attempt to hide his utter disdain for her.

Yes, sweetheart. This is totally happening.

It was pretty awesome. Like Bachelor Jake in the good old days.

The "I Don't Hate Her. Yet." Rose: Jessica. The redhead dove into a cavern, ran through the rain, and danced to some country star I've never heard of with BB, all without managing to make me throw up in my mouth even a little. Kudos, Jessica!

Although, is that water in her glass? Bachelor foul!

The Tattletale Rose: "Ph.D. Student" Emily. Emily, who loathes Courtneythemodel with the heat of a thousand suns, couldn't resist making the obligatory "she's different around you than she is around the girls" speech to BB during the cocktail party. Bachelor foul! Apparently they don't cover the 0% success rate of this strategy in graduate school.

Next time, try just making out with him.

The WTF Rose: Courtneythemodel. To be fair to Emily, Courtneythemodel is intolerable. She sashays around with the rose she won on the group date, proclaims Puerto Rico "so two months ago" and brags she can hoist her champagne flute higher than anyone else.

Also, she kissed a fish. Whatever.

I pretty heartily despise her, though I was intrigued by her favorite put-down. After she found out that Emily complained about her to BB from her "best friend in the house" Casey S., she repeatedly stated that Emily had "[bleep] her hat with me." I'm not deleting the expletive for reasons of propriety, it's just that I honestly have no idea what curse word she's using there.

Next week is the much anticipated skinny-dipping session between BB and Courtneythemodel. God help us all.

Last Night's Being Human

"Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?"

We pick up where we left off last week...Josh shifting into wolf form and getting shot at by the Amish vampire (on orders from Mother).  Nora, now in full wolf form herself, jumps to his rescue and takes the Amish vamp down.  Sally has awakened from her dream and is levitating.  She's freaked and there's no one home to talk to.  Aidan carries Mother's daughter, Suren, into a room and then proceeds to bring her a buffet of victims on which to feed.  She needs her strength after being buried for so long.  She looks a lot better and we find out she and Aidan have some history.  Oooh.

Josh awakens and finds Nora's car torn to shreds.  In another part of town Nora awakens naked and bloody in a pile of raked leaves.  Fun. Josh walks to his house to find Nora on the front steps.  She finally shows him the scratches on her arm and he realizes he's turned her.  She looks awful but the good news is she can see Sally now.  Speaking of Sally, she's brought home Stevie (the high school suicide kid from last week) and a couple of other teen ghost guys to keep her company.  One of them is called Boner.  Really.  Before Josh can tend to Nora Sally is filling him in on her creepy door dream.  Aidan comes home and Sally blurts out Josh and Nora's news.  He processes and then inquires about the friendly ghosts in the kitchen who are currently punching each other in the balls.  Boys.  Sally tends to the teen ghosts while Josh tells Aidan about the dead, Amish vamp.  Josh is glad Nora won't be able to remember killing someone on her first night but Aidan is thinking about the mess he'll have to face.

Nora comes back downstairs all cleaned up but leaves immediately.  I guess she has a lot on her mind being a new werewolf and all.  Sally is stuck with the teen ghost trio and needs a suggestion as to how to keep them entertained.  Aidan suggests Scarface.  That works and Aidan is off to catch up with Suren (where do they get names like this?).  He wants to get down to business, like rounding up some vamp cops to do clean up, but she's asking lots of questions that get him off track.  We even see a flashback of the two of them in the hotel back in its swinging vamp days.  Well some were vamps and others were massacred. 

Nora and Josh are at the hospital and she's having a bit of an identity crisis.  She wondering how much of the dog is in her.  Can she even have chocolate or will a mocha kill her?  Josh gets her to calm down a bit and asks what she remembers from last night.  She says nothing and he says it's a blessing.  I'd have to agree with him.  Oh and there's some med school new student mixer thing that he thinks will help them both feel a little more normal.

Aidan is at the hospital and meets a new girl that I have a feeling will come back around again.  She's there to interview and they have a little chemistry.  Too bad Aidan is at Suren's beck and call and has to rush off.  Suren's brought home a lovely cop...who isn't already a vampire.  Suren wants Aidan to turn her but he hasn't done that in a very long time and doesn't think he'll be able to control himself.  Plus wouldn't it just be easier to round up some cops who are already vamps?  Aidan's already having trouble keeping her in line and I'm sure it'll just get worse.  She uses the missing Amish vamp (he does have a name but it's weird and I'm bound to misspell it).

Sally and the teen ghosts are at a club and they show her how to jump into ("take") someone.  Stevie's not into it and warns Sally it can become addicting.  He does tell her that drunk people are easier to take because their resistance is lower.  Sally gives it a couple of unsuccessful tries but then lands in a girl and has way too much fun with it.

Back at the creepy hotel, Aidan is making out with cop lady and the fangs come out.  He's able to stop himself and doesn't bite her.  Suren is disappointed with him and turns the cop anyway.  Aidan tells Suren that he hasn't done that to anyone since the night things went very wrong at the hotel.  She appreciates this and even covers for him when someone comes looking for the Amish vamp.

Sally is getting a kick out of drinking and eating and one of the teen vamps, who has taken a random club guy, gets the wrong idea.  He's all over her in a matter of seconds but Stevie comes to her rescue.  They reach into each other and this glowy stuff happens until teen vamp is no longer.  Apparently ghosts can do this to each other.

We end with Josh saying he'd rather find a cure than go to med school.  Nora doesn't want to be the reason he doesn't go to med school but then she also doesn't want them to be together just because they're both monsters.  She's on the couch chatting with Sally and flashes back to killing the Amish vamp.  Uh oh.  Apparently girl wolves remember everything...birthdays, anniversaries, and their first kill.  Aidan runs into the chick from the hospital at a bar.  They're totally into each other and she invites him to go home with her.  Aidan's got a girlfriend.  Hope he doesn't kill this one!