Suburgatory “Independence Day”
- Dallas is nervous about the grand opening of her crystal store so she decides to have a girls’ night with her old sorority sisters to help ease her stress. Well all the sorority except for one but we’ll get to that.Dallas’s sorority sisters show up and apparently Dallas was in an African American sorority but that’s just me guessing.
- Tessa thinks George needs to let go a little and let her spread her wings a bit. She wants a car and he suggests she get a job and earn the money for a car. So Tessa gets a job at Dallas’s store. George notices that their conversations end in an argument so he figures there must be something wrong at school.
- George talks to Principal LLOYD! about Tessa. Principal LLOYD! isn’t much help but does point out her poem (from the episode where she was trying to impress her teacher) and how she must have a giant, soul-crushing hole due to her lack of mother.
- The uninvited sister, Tulsa (played by Robin Givens who looks good, y’all), shows up too and tries to get under Dallas's skin. Oh and Tulsa implies that she was the one having the affair with Dallas’s ex-husband! Oooooh!
- So George meets with Tessa’s grandmother (her mom’s mom, not his mom) and tells her how great Tessa is and how she and her daughter are missing out. Turns out Tessa doesn’t really even think of her mom and George is all the parent she needs. Awwww! Of course he thinks she says this so he’ll let her keep the scooter she bought from a creepy guy off of Craigslist.
Modern Family “Send out the Clowns”
- Cam is going to a clown funeral, which is somehow extra sad but still manages to creep me out. Damn clowns. Cam’s ex-clown partner, Louis (Bobby Canavale!) shows up late and all the clowns pile into a mini to go get a drink in honor of the dearly departed. Mitchell even starts to ask how they’re all going to fit but then thinks better of it.
- Phil is after a really big listing except there’s another realtor in town who wants it too…Mitzi Roth (Ellen Barkin!). She even goes so far as to fall in the bushes and claim that Phil pushed her.
- Manny wants to have the cool kid at school come over and Jay can’t figure out why the kid would want to hang out with him. Jay figures it must be due to the times Jay’s taken him to school on his motorcycle. Turns out it’s because the kid has a crush on Gloria and her tight dresses. Heh.
- Cam agrees to do a kid’s birthday party with Louis but apparently didn’t make it clear that it was a one-time deal. Louis doesn’t take it very well and chokes out Cam but the kids think it’s hilarious.
- Phil tries to get the listing back from Mitzi and fails the first time but uses Luke (and some good old fashioned guilt) on the second time and it works.
- Manny’s thrilled that the cool kid was using him to ogle Gloria because he was using to get to his sister. Nice.
Happy Endings “Party of Six”
- It’s Penny’s birthday, which tend to be pretty awful, so they are determined to break the curse. The plan is to go to Big Dom’s but Penny’s lost the rights to it in a break-up. No one can think of a place to go to eat but Max thought of something else:
if Mary Tyler Moore married Steven Tyler, divorced him, married Michael Moore, divorced him and got into a 3 –way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore she’d be Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore (say it out loud, it’s funnier).
- They settle on a restaurant but Dave’s squeaky, jailbait, ex-girlfriend, Jackie, is a waitress there and she’s still a little bitter. Their food is totally going to end up with icky stuff on it so they’re afraid to order but still can’t think of a place to go. To top it off, Blond finds out that Dave even went to Jackie’s prom with her, because he’s pathetic.
- Other Blond finds out that Brad had a restaurant where he took girls to dump them and he brought her there one night. Ooooh! They make up but then get caught having sex in the bathroom so they have to leave the restaurant anyway.
- They decided to take back Big Dom’s and Penny’s ex is indeed there. She dives under the table, gets stuck but stands up for herself, so to speak. She frees herself but her blouse gets freed too so they have to leave.